Do you ever feel like you’re drowning in guilt, shame, and Christian “shoulds” while trying to survive a toxic marriage, a brutal divorce, or the aftermath of both? What if I told you that letting go, accepting reality, and loving yourself isn’t just a cliche, but it can actually change everything?

In this episode of Flying Free, I dive into the “Let Go, Accept, and Love” tool (a.k.a. LAL, because who doesn’t love an acronym?). Plus, you’ll hear how one brave mama used these steps in the middle of a soul-crushing custody battle, and she came out stronger, freer, and a whole lot wiser.

What You’ll Learn in This Episode: 

• Why believing the actual good news (and not the toxic “dirty worm theology”) matters more than you think.
• The three steps of the LAL tool

• How one Flying Free member used LAL to survive a painful separation from her child with compassion instead of despair.
• The messy, real-life lessons another member learned during her custody evaluation, and why showing humility beats trying to look like “Super Perfect Christian Mom.”
• Practical ways to prepare for divorce and custody evaluations without losing your sanity.

Related Resources:

• Check out the Divorced Christian Woman Podcast, my newest podcast specifically for divorced women rebuilding their lives.
• The Mirror Bible is a refreshing Bible translation I highly recommend. 
• Go follow Gretchen Baskerville’s YouTube channel. Also check out a recent interview I did with her, “Do Marriage Intensives Help to Heal Abusive Marriages?”
• Need a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst (CDFA)? Rhonda Noordyk will help you with financial clarity and advocacy in divorce.

Article: How to Let Go, Accept, and Love (Without Losing Your Mind in Divorce or Toxic Christianity)

Do you ever feel like being a “good Christian woman” means living your entire life as a guilt-flavored doormat? Maybe you’ve been told your worth is in how much you sacrifice, submit, and smile pretty while your insides shrivel. Or maybe you’re in the middle of a custody battle, and you’re so stressed you’ve sprouted a rash that looks like it belongs in a horror film. (Been there. Zero stars. Do not recommend.)

What if I told you there’s a tool that can help you stop white-knuckling your way through life, faith, and divorce court? A tool that doesn’t require hoop-jumping, husband-worship, or spiritual gymnastics?

It’s called Let Go, Accept, and Love, or LAL for short. (It’s like LOL, except instead of laughing out loud while crying on the bathroom floor, you’re actually building peace and sanity. Which is way better, trust me.)

Let’s break this down.

Step One: Let Go (aka Stop Trying to Be a Goddess)

Let’s start with the bad news: you cannot control other people. Shocking, I know. You can’t control your husband, your pastor, your adult children, or the nosy church lady who thinks leggings are “lust magnets.”

You also can’t control the outcome of your divorce, the weather on your wedding day, or how many “concerned” relatives slide into your DMs with unsolicited Bible verses.

Letting go doesn’t mean you like what’s happening. It doesn’t mean you’re weak. It means you recognize that clutching something you cannot control will strangle the life right out of you.

When you release the death grip, you can breathe again.

Step Two: Accept (aka Stop Arguing With Reality)

Acceptance is the grown-up sibling of letting go. Once you release what you can’t control, you have to stare reality in the face and say, “Yup. This is happening.”

Acceptance is not denial’s twin. Denial is saying, “He’s really a good man deep down.” Acceptance is saying, “This is who he is. These are his choices. And I get to make my own.”

It’s brutal, yes. But acceptance clears the fog so you can actually make decisions based on truth instead of wishful thinking.

Step Three: Love (aka The Real Kind, Not the Churchy Counterfeit)

Once you’ve let go and accepted, you can finally step into love. And not the “love” that means “be a martyr until you collapse from exhaustion.” I’m talking about real love:

• Love for yourself—yes, even the messy, snarky, make-bad-choices version of you. She’s worthy too.
• Love for God—not the angry sky-daddy painted by religious leaders who like power trips, but the real Creator who actually delights in you.
• Love for others—not by pretending, placating, or playing small, but by showing up authentically and respecting both your boundaries and theirs.

Love means you stop throwing yourself under the bus. Love means you forgive yourself for not being a perfect mother during your divorce. Love means you let people believe their nonsense while you walk in truth.

Custody Battles and LAL in Action

One of the women in my Flying Free community recently went through a brutal custody evaluation. She could have drowned in shame, curled up in a fetal position, and let her ex control the narrative. But instead, she used these tools.

She admitted her own shortcomings without throwing herself under the bus. She acknowledged her ex’s good points without denying his harmful behavior. She showed up as a whole person.

And the evaluator saw it.

That’s the power of letting go (she didn’t try to control the outcome), accepting (she acknowledged reality instead of sugarcoating), and loving (she treated herself and her ex with dignity without self-erasure).

The result? The evaluator recognized her as the more stable co-parent. That matters in court. That matters for kids. That matters for her healing.

Why LAL Beats Toxic Christianity Every Time

Here’s the thing: most of us were taught Christianity as a giant To-Do List. Be good. Be quiet. Be less. Do more. And if you fail? Cue shame, guilt, and Bible verses used like whips.

But the real gospel is not another world religion. It’s not another set of hoops to jump through. It’s finished. Done. Paid for. The good news is actually good.

When you believe you’re already loved, whole, and worthy, it transforms how you live. You stop hiding in shame and start showing up in love. You stop obsessing about being “good enough” and start walking in freedom.

That’s what Let Go, Accept, and Love is about. It’s not just a tool for surviving divorce or custody court. It’s a whole new way of living.

Final Thoughts (and a Little Snark for the Road)

So here’s your homework:

• Ask yourself: What am I clinging to that I need to let go of?
• Ask yourself: What truth am I refusing to accept because denial feels easier?
• Ask yourself: How can I love myself, God, and others authentically in this mess?

And when the churchy peanut gallery comes at you with judgmental nonsense? Smile sweetly, let go of their opinion, accept that they’re being religious jerks, and love them enough to let them stew in their own Kool-Aid while you walk away free.

Because friend, you were not created to be a guilt-flavored doormat. You were created to live free, whole, and loved.

XOXO,

Natalie