Ever wonder why you keep getting stuck in the same soul-sucking relational merry-go-round and can’t get off? Why you feel like you’re starring in a never-ending soap opera you didn’t audition for, but somehow you’re the villain for wanting out?

I sat down with Gwendoline, a longtime member of Flying Free and Flying Higher, to talk about her epic butterfly transformation. We’re talking cycles of chaos, religious gaslighting, and the sneaky little acronym that kept her trapped in marital misery: FOG (fear, obligation, guilt).

Key Takeaways:

• If it feels off, it probably is – Chaos, fights, and emotional whiplash aren’t just “normal marriage stuff.” They’re red flags.
• Your body knows before your brain does – Tight hips, tension, and dread? Not random. That’s trauma.
• Love isn’t a magical fix-all – You can love someone and still need to leave them. 
• Track the truth – Emoji mood calendars and journaling helped Gwendoline see the pattern she was gaslit into ignoring.
• You are the rescuer – No knight in shining armor is coming. Just you, your big-girl panties, and God on a divine co-rescue mission.
• Leaving is hard, but worth it – Healing takes time, but the moment you step out, your real life begins.

Related Resources:

• Want to listen to more survivor stories? Check out “Military Marriage Abuse: Elizabeth’s Story” and “Out of the Poisoned Pond: Jennie’s Story.”

Article: Breaking Free from the Fog: Gwendoline’s Escape from a Destructive Christian Marriage

Let me ask you a question: What if the very qualities that make you a loving, loyal, Jesus-following woman are the same ones that get twisted into a spiritual noose around your neck?

If you’ve ever asked yourself, “Why does love hurt so much?” or “How did I get stuck in this never-ending vortex of fighting, crying, apologizing, and pretending everything is fine?” pull up a chair. Gwendoline’s story is your story. It’s my story. It’s the story of hundreds of Christian women waking up in marriages that are eating them alive.

Gwendoline is a longtime member of Flying Free and Flying Higher. She came on the podcast to share her butterfly journey, from the cocoon of codependent survival to the fierce, free woman she is today. And let me tell you: her story had me nodding so hard I nearly gave myself whiplash.

What If Love Isn’t Supposed to Feel Like That?

Gwendoline didn’t get married thinking, “I’d love to sign up for a life of volatility and spiritual gaslighting, please.” No. She fell for a man she thought was “the one.” Cue the romantic soundtrack, church aisle, and the Christian belief that if you just love someone enough, you can fix them.

(Which, side note: God never required you to become a part-time therapist, full-time punching bag, and unpaid forgiveness machine.)

The fights started early, ugly, and often. But what made it more confusing is that they were followed by euphoric make-ups that felt like salvation itself. Hello, dopamine hit. Goodbye, critical thinking.

And so began the cycle: rupture, repair, repeat. Wash, rinse, gaslight.

Are You Living in the FOG?

You know how some people talk about love as a warm, safe place? Yeah, not so much when you’re living in the FOG — Fear, Obligation, and Guilt. That’s the real holy trinity of abuse, folks.

Gwendoline talked about how fear (he might blow up), obligation (Jesus said forgive 70×7, right?), and guilt (maybe I am the problem) kept her spinning in circles. The churchy voices in her head whispered, “Love never gives up. Just try harder.” Meanwhile, her body was screaming, “Mayday! Mayday! This is not okay!”

And guess what? Her body knew the truth before her mind could admit it. Lower back pain. Hip tension. That tight, clenching dread before the next outburst. Her nervous system was basically a trauma barometer, giving off red alerts before she even had time to process what was happening.

Can You Trust Your Gut (and Maybe Some Emoji Faces)?

One of the most powerful parts of Gwendoline’s story was how she started tracking her emotions, literally. Little emoji faces on her calendar. Journals of what happened each day. And here’s the kicker: when she went back and looked, she realized she’d lived the exact same hellish scenario every three weeks for years.

Let that sink in. Every. Three. Weeks.

Not a bad day. Not a one-off. A pattern.

And still, she hoped. Oh, the Christian woman’s favorite idol: hope. She thought, “When the kids are older… when he gets a raise… when this season passes… then it’ll get better.” But hope without evidence? That’s just denial in a Sunday dress.

What Happens When They Weaponize Motherhood?

Gwendoline’s wake-up call wasn’t when he yelled. It wasn’t even when he demeaned her in front of the kids. It was when he threatened her motherhood. When he started talking custody and fitness as a parent, THAT’S when the mama bear woke up.

Let me tell you something: a woman will put up with a lot when it’s just her being trampled. But when someone starts threatening her ability to protect her babies? That’s when things get real.

She called a lawyer. She joined Flying Free. She pulled on her big girl panties and began the slow, terrifying climb out of the pit.

Can You Still Love Someone and Leave?

Here’s the part that hits hardest for so many of us: she still loved him. She didn’t leave because she stopped loving him. She left because loving him was killing her.

Repeat that: Loving him was killing her.

And let me add this little truth bomb for the peanut gallery of religious voices who love to talk about “abandonment” and “covenants”: Choosing to stay in a relationship that destroys your soul is not holy. It’s spiritual suicide. And God is not clapping from heaven like, “Good job suffering, daughter. I’ll give you a gold star in glory.”

No. God stands ready to collaborate with you in rescuing another daughter. 

Hear that? (She has your name.)

What’s It Really Like to Get Divorced from a High-Conflict Person?

Gwendoline’s divorce took over two years thanks to pandemic delays and a high-conflict ex who would rather drag things through the courts than face his own demons. (Classic.)

And here’s the thing she learned: untangling yourself from a destructive person doesn’t end with a signature on a piece of paper. It’s an endurance race. A spiritual detox. An emotional purging. You go through a tunnel of despair, thinking, “Maybe I made a mistake,” or “Why does this still hurt?”

But what she also discovered was this: you don’t walk through the fire to come out as ash. You walk through to come out gold.

Should You Wait Until You’re “Over It” to Leave?

Gwendoline’s biggest revelation? She didn’t wait until she no longer loved him. She left when she realized love wasn’t enough. Love doesn’t conquer abuse. Love doesn’t override fear, control, and cycles of harm. And waiting to “fall out of love” is like waiting for your abuser to send you a thank-you card and walk away quietly.

It’s not gonna happen.

She left because staying meant her kids would never know the full version of their mother. She left because if she didn’t, she would vanish entirely.

And leaving? It brought her back to life.

What Happens When You Finally Come Back to Yourself?

Today, Gwendoline lives in full color. She trusts herself. She listens to her body. She knows her worth. And the robotic, survival-mode version of her? She left that behind in the cage.

The most powerful thing she said in our interview? Courage is “the rage of the heart.” (I’m stealing that, by the way.) In French, cœur means heart. To take courage is to grab your sacred fury with both hands and leap.

Who’s Going to Rescue You?

If you’re still waiting for someone to come rescue you, I’ve got bad news and good news.

Bad news: No one’s coming.

Good news: You are.

God’s rescue plan is you: fully resourced, deeply supported, and walking with courage straight into your transformation.

You are not a failure for waking up. You are not less spiritual for saving your own life. You are not alone.

You are the warrior.
You are the rescuer.
You are the miracle.

Let’s go, butterfly.

XOXO,

Natalie

P.S. She got out with the education, support, and coaching she had in Flying Free and Flying Higher. You don’t have to do it alone, either.