So many of you come to me and say things like, “Natalie, I was such a doormat. I just stood there and let it all happen.”

Listen up, beautiful butterfly: You didn’t “just stand there.” You were resisting the entire time, and no one told you that’s what it was. Until now.

In this episode, I shine a flashlight on the small but powerful acts of resistance Christian women pull off daily in emotionally and spiritually abusive marriages. We’re talking journal-hiding, secret-crying, sanity-preserving, Jesus-whispering defiance that deserves a standing ovation—but probably got met with church lady side-eye instead.

Here’s what you’ll learn:

• What resistance really looks like 
• Why keeping your mouth shut can be a power move
• How even the tiniest choice—like skipping his coffee—can be the first domino to freedom
• Why the culture you were raised in trained you to erase your own bravery—and how we’re done with that now

Related Resources: 

• This podcast script is inspired by Allan Wade’s article, “Small Acts of Living: Everyday Resistance to Violence and Other Forms of Oppression.” 
• Some related Flying Free Podcast episodes you may enjoy: “Should a Christian Wife Submit to an Abusive Husband?” and “An Emotional Recovery Tool That Changes Everything.” 

Article: You’re Not a Doormat—You’re a Quiet Warrior: How Christian Women Resist Oppression in Marriage

Let me guess: you’ve looked back at your crumbling, toxic marriage and asked yourself, “How could I let that happen?” Maybe you’ve even muttered some version of, “Was I just a doormat with a cross around my neck?” (Hi, me too.)

But what if I told you that what felt like “doing nothing” was actually a quiet revolution?

That your silence wasn’t submission, but survival.

That your very existence, in the face of daily soul-sucking emotional and spiritual abuse, was resistance with a capital R.

In this episode of the Flying Free Podcast, which you can listen to or watch above, we talk about what real resistance looks like when you’re a Christian woman stuck in a marriage that looks more like a prison than a partnership. Spoiler: it’s not about picket signs or shouting matches. (Though, if you did throw a casserole at his head once—I salute you.)

It’s about the unspoken, unseen, under-acknowledged bravery of simply staying alive and keeping your sanity intact in a relationship designed to dismantle both.

The Resistance is Already Inside You

There’s this brilliant guy named Alan Wade who wrote an article called “Small Acts of Living.” No, it’s not another “Ten Steps to Becoming the Proverbs 31 Woman While Dying Inside” self-help fluff piece. It’s about how oppressed people, especially those in abusive relationships, always resist. Always.

Every. Single. Time.

Even if you were the woman who stayed for 30 years and barely said a word. Even if you think you were the Christian poster child for “stand by your man” (while he stomped all over your soul). Even then.

Here’s what resistance looked like for you:

• Hiding your journal because you knew he’d read it and use your words against you.
• Stashing twenty bucks in a tampon box. Just. In. Case.
• Locking the bathroom door so you could cry in peace.
• Choosing silence instead of being gaslit into another circular argument.
• Teaching your kids emotional language, even though no one taught you.
• Whispering prayers that felt like they were bouncing off the ceiling.

Let’s be clear: these were not small things. These were acts of courage. Acts of holy defiance. Acts of a woman saying, I will not disappear quietly.

Christian Culture Loves a Good Martyr. But Not a Woman Who Says “No”

Ah, yes. The Christian martyr industrial complex. Where “dying to self” is applauded, but only if you’re a woman. Try saying “no” in this world and you’re suddenly unsubmissive, unforgiving, or (gasp) rebellious. (Cue the clutching of pearls.)

Newsflash: this culture was designed to gaslight you out of your power.

• You speak up? Disrespectful.
• You protect yourself? Unforgiving.
• You leave? Well now you’re Jezebel with a lawyer.

But every tiny act you took to stay tethered to yourself, to protect your children, to preserve one last thread of who God actually made you to be…that was resistance. That was strength. That was sacred.

When Not Making Coffee is a Holy Act

I’ll never forget Jane’s story. She spent years making coffee every morning for a man who didn’t love her. It was part of her “look at me being a godly wife” performance. Until one day, she just… didn’t.

She made coffee for herself. Left his mug empty. That’s it. That was the act. It didn’t look like fireworks or fanfare. But it was the beginning of the end. Because sometimes, the tiniest act of reclaiming your autonomy cracks open the whole system.

No more fake smiles. No more sermons about dying to self. 

You’re Already Doing It (Yes, You)

Maybe you’re listening to this while driving to work or folding laundry or hiding from your kids in the bathroom (respect). Maybe you feel like resistance is a luxury you can’t afford.

Let me remind you: you’re already doing it.

• You’re listening to this podcast. That’s resistance.
• You haven’t given up. That’s resistance.
• You’re daring to dream of a future where you’re free. That’s resistance.

And if all you can do today is whisper “I don’t deserve to be treated like this” while wiping applesauce off your shirt? That’s enough. 

Strategic Retreat (Also Known as Oreos and Netflix)

Let’s keep it real. Healing isn’t linear. Resistance doesn’t always mean marching forward like Wonder Woman with a sword. Sometimes it looks like crawling into bed with Oreos and a season of “Schitt’s Creek.”

Strategic retreat is part of the revolution, friend.

Because guess what? You’re not weak. You’re not passive. You’re not a failure.

You’re a woman who’s been surviving a war zone while people told you to smile more.

The Revolution is Quiet. But It’s Also Fierce

At Flying Free, I get to walk alongside Christian women who are rewriting their stories one small act at a time. Women who are waking up, rising up, and refusing to go quietly into that good night of Christian patriarchy. (Sorry, not sorry, John Piper.)

They are survivors. Resistors. Truth-tellers. Quiet revolutionaries.

And if you’re reading this, chances are…so are you.

So when you’re ready, come join us. Whether you’re still married and wondering how the heck to reclaim your voice, or you’re already divorced and ready to rebuild your life with confidence, we’ve got you.

Visit joinflyingfree.com if you’re still navigating a destructive marriage. Or check out joinflyinghigher.com if you’re ready to rebuild your life with more confidence and less self-doubt.

Final Word? You’re Already Brave.

You’re not “just” surviving. You’re resisting.

And maybe, just maybe, one tiny act of living today will lead to a life that finally feels like your own.

Until then, beautiful butterfly, keep resisting. And fly free.