Have you ever felt like life has you wearing a 200-pound emotional backpack labeled “Christian womanhood”? In this episode, I unpack (literally) the toxic beliefs that are holding us back using a metaphorical story about a woman who wants to run, but can’t. Because, surprise! She’s lugging around spiritual abuse disguised as Bible truths.
You’ll meet Sarah, a fictional but oh-so-familiar woman who stands at the edge of a running trail, paralyzed by invisible weights. Enter Elena, the wise older woman who helps her go full Marie Kondo on her belief system. You’ll want to tattoo some of Elena’s one-liners on your forearm. (Okay maybe just put them on sticky notes.)
Key Takeaways:
- Toxic beliefs often come wrapped in spiritual language. Just because it came from a pulpit or your well-meaning Aunt Kathy doesn’t make it true or helpful.
- You’re allowed to question what you’ve been taught. Especially if what you’ve been taught keeps you silent, stuck, or scared.
- Jesus didn’t ask you to carry a crushing load. He said His yoke is easy. Your religious trauma backpack is not that.
- Replacing lies with truth doesn’t mean you’re sinning. It means you’re healing.
Related Resources:
- Here are some other related Flying Free Podcast episodes: “12 Life-Changing Beliefs That Will Unhook You From Abuse” and “The Beliefs that Keep Christian Women Stuck in Abusive Marriages.”
Article: The Backpack of Toxic Beliefs: Why Christian Women Stay Stuck in Emotionally Abusive Marriages
Sarah stood at the edge of the park’s running trail, her heart pounding, not from exertion, but from something deeper. She’d been wanting to start running for months, but every time she laced up her sneakers, something held her back. Today felt different, though she couldn’t name why.
“Excuse me,” came a gentle voice behind her. Sarah turned to see an older woman with kind eyes and a warm smile. “I’m Elena. I couldn’t help but notice you’ve been standing here for a while. Are you okay?”
Sarah’s cheeks flushed. “Oh, I… I want to run, but I just can’t seem to get started.”
Elena’s gaze moved to Sarah’s shoulders, and her expression grew thoughtful. “That’s quite a backpack you’re carrying. Mind if I ask what’s in it?”
Sarah looked down, surprised. She’d grown so accustomed to the weight that she’d almost forgotten she was wearing it. The straps had left permanent indentations in her shoulders, and the pack bulged with years of accumulated… what exactly?
“I’m not really sure,” Sarah admitted. “I guess I’ve just always carried it.”
“Would you mind if we sat down and took a look together?” Elena asked, gesturing to a nearby bench. “Sometimes it helps to see what we’re carrying before we decide if we want to keep carrying it.”
Something in Elena’s voice, free of judgment, full of understanding, made Sarah nod. They settled on the bench, and Sarah carefully removed the heavy pack.
Elena’s hands were gentle as she opened the first compartment. “Let’s see what’s in here.” She pulled out a smooth, dark stone and held it up to the light. “What does this one feel like to you?”
Sarah stared at the stone, and suddenly words tumbled out: “A good wife never questions her husband’s decisions.”
“Ah,” Elena said softly. “And where did this one come from?”
“My mother, I think. And Pastor Williams used to preach about it. My husband reminds me of it whenever I…” Sarah’s voice trailed off.
“How is this belief serving you now?” Elena asked, her tone curious rather than challenging.
Sarah was quiet for a long moment. “I don’t think it is. I used to think it kept peace in my home, but really… I think it’s just keeping me silent when I should speak up. When he yells at the kids, when he controls our money, when he tells me I’m imagining things…” Her voice grew stronger. “This isn’t keeping peace. It’s keeping me trapped.”
Elena nodded and reached into the pack again, pulling out a heavy chain. Sarah gasped as she recognized it.
“God won’t give you more than you can handle,” Sarah whispered.
“And this one?”
“My church, my women’s Bible study, my counselor even said it once.” Sarah’s hands trembled as she touched the chain. “But Elena, I can’t handle it. I lie awake at night wondering if I’m losing my mind. I jump every time I hear his key in the door. I’ve stopped singing, stopped dreaming, stopped… living.”
“What if,” Elena said gently, “God never meant for you to handle abuse? What if this belief is keeping you from seeking the help and safety He wants for you?”
Elena continued pulling items from the pack: a heavy book labeled “Submit and stay quiet,” a mirror that only reflected flaws, a set of chains marked “What will people think?” Each item came with a story, a source, a weight that had been crushing Sarah’s spirit without her even realizing it.
“I don’t understand,” Sarah said, tears streaming down her face. “These are all things Christians are supposed to believe, aren’t they?”
Elena set down the pack and took Sarah’s hands. “Tell me, dear one, if Jesus were sitting here right now, do you think He’d want you to carry all of this? Do you think He’d want you running toward the life He has for you, or weighed down by beliefs that keep you from even taking the first step?”
“But if I let go of these beliefs, what will I replace them with? What if I’m wrong?”
“What if you’re not?” Elena countered gently. “What if there are truths that could set you free instead of weighing you down? What would it look like to carry ‘I am beloved’ instead of ‘I am worthless’? What if instead of ‘God wants me to endure abuse,’ you carried ‘God wants me to be safe and whole’?”
Sarah looked at the pile of beliefs scattered around the bench. For the first time in years, she felt… lighter.
“I’m scared,” she whispered. “These beliefs feel familiar, even if they hurt. What if the new ones don’t work? What if I can’t handle the change?”
Elena smiled knowingly. “Tell me more about that fear. What exactly are you afraid might happen?”
“I… I don’t know. I guess I’m afraid that if I stop believing I deserve this treatment, if I start believing I deserve better, then I’ll have to do something about it. And I don’t know if I’m strong enough.”
“If you had to know what you’re strong enough for, what would it be?”
Sarah was quiet for a long moment, then lifted her chin. “I’d be strong enough to protect my children. Strong enough to find help. Strong enough to believe that God loves me enough to want better for me.”
Elena began placing new items in the backpack. Lighter things. A feather labeled “I am worthy of love and respect.” A smooth river stone that said “I can trust my own perceptions.” A small compass marked “God’s voice is the one that leads to peace, not fear.”
“The pack still has weight,” Elena explained, “but now it’s filled with truths that will help you run, not beliefs that keep you stuck.”
Sarah stood up and settled the new pack on her shoulders. It felt different. Substantial but not crushing, supportive rather than burdensome.
“Some people in your life might not understand when you start running,” Elena warned gently. “They might tell you the old pack was better, safer, more familiar. They might ask why you’re changing, why you can’t just stay the way you were.”
“And what do I tell them?”
“You could ask them why they’re asking,” Elena suggested with a knowing smile. “Sometimes the people who fight hardest against our healing are carrying their own heavy packs they’re not ready to examine.”
Sarah took a step toward the trail, then another. Her legs felt stronger than they had in years.
“Elena,” she called back, “what if I fall? What if I can’t finish the race?”
“Then you get up and try again. But Sarah?” Elena’s voice carried across the distance between them. “You were never meant to carry that weight. You were meant to run.”
As Sarah took her first running steps in years, she felt something she’d almost forgotten: hope.
Behind her, Elena was already approaching another woman standing at the edge of the trail, another woman with a pack too heavy to bear, another woman ready to discover what it meant to run free.
If Sarah’s story resonated with you, you might be thinking, “I want to empty my backpack too, but…”
“I don’t have time for this.” Tell me more about that. What are you too busy doing? If you’re anything like the thousands of women I’ve worked with, you’re busy managing everyone else’s emotions, walking on eggshells, and trying to hold your world together.
The busiest women in my Flying Free Kaleidoscope program are often the ones who get the most life-changing results because they’re finally investing their energy in themselves instead of pouring it endlessly into everyone else.
“I don’t have the money.” What have you tried so far? How much have you spent on marriage books, counseling sessions that blamed you, or trying to fix something that was never yours to fix?
The Kaleidoscope program costs less than a dollar a day which is probably less than your daily coffee. Compare that to the cost of staying where you are: your mental health, your physical health, your children watching you disappear a little more each day. What’s the real price you’re paying for not getting the help you need?
“What if it doesn’t work for me?” If you had to know why you’re asking that question, what would it be? Maybe you’ve been disappointed before. Maybe you’ve been told the problem is you for so long that you can’t imagine anything actually helping.
Here’s what I know: you wouldn’t have read this far if something inside you wasn’t already stirring to life. That stirring? That’s not broken. That’s your soul recognizing truth.
“I’m scared to try.” Of course you are. What exactly are you afraid might happen? That you’ll discover you really do deserve better? That you’ll have to make some hard choices? Fear is often a sign we’re moving toward something important. The women in Kaleidoscope will tell you the scariest part was staying stuck, not starting the journey toward freedom.
You’ve been carrying that heavy backpack for years. What if, instead of continuing to carry beliefs that crush your spirit, you could learn to carry ones that help you soar?
Your pack might be heavy, but you don’t have to examine it alone. That’s why I created the Flying Free Kaleidoscope. Because spiritually grounded, trauma-informed education, community, and coaching is the most effective way for Christian women to unpack their beliefs, one belief at a time, so they can find hope and healing from hidden emotional and spiritual abuse and start making confident, empowered, adult choices for their lives.
If you’re like many Christian women, you don’t want to get a divorce, but you also don’t want to live in your marriage the same way you have so far because it’s clearly not working.
Let’s unpack your back pack together and repack it with beliefs that will give you courage and confidence in the middle of your marriage. You can learn more and complete an application by going to joinflyingfree.com
