Have you ever wondered what divorce would be like from the perspective of a teenager? The members in my private program, Flying Free, asked my daughter, Aimee, a ton of questions about her experience with divorce as a teenage girl. We’re here today to answer all of them: the awkward, the hilarious, and the intense.

Aimee was fourteen-years-old when my ex and I separated and seventeen-years-old when we were (finally) officially divorced. She was in her teenage-prime. But she made it through to the other side and is now a thriving, mildly successful young adult (her words, not mine). She knows a thing or two about being a teenager living through divorce, things we might not know as moms of kids. Listen as we riff about what this experience was like for her as she grew up.

It’s not often that we get a listener question from a man, and less often that we actually answer it. But today’s question of, “Should I continue to hold out hope for my marriage after abusing my wife? Should I fight for my wife? And what, in your opinion, does that look like?” struck me as being a question that we could all benefit from, so I’m going to give you my honest answer and hopefully help all of the women in this community as well as this seemingly well-intentioned man.

Let’s talk about what taking responsibility looks like, why advocates and victims of emotional abuse using sarcasm and satire to make their points, how abusers who want to change and actually love their wives can do that well (hint: it isn’t by trying to stay in power and control over the wife), and why my book may help you figure out if you are in an abusive marriage.

I remember thinking that if I could just hit on the right inflection in my voice maybe or the correct tone or the perfect combination of words or the right attitude — you know, one of subservience and humility so as not to trigger his fragile ego and bring down his wrath — I’d finally get through. He’d finally get it. The wall would come crumbling down.

Nope.

When I finally filed for divorce, he suddenly said he’d seen the light. He’s willing to go to counseling. If I don’t give him this “final” chance (there have been so many “final” chances), I’ll feel like I didn’t do enough.

Is this you?

Surprise! Abusers never want the same thing as their victims. Why should divorce be any different?

Shocking! Abusers never want their “property” to start acting like a person and hightail it out of Dodge (“Dodge” being the marriage. Okay, you get it.)

Spoiler alert! You get to make your own decisions because you’re a grown woman. What? Yes, it’s true.

Divorce isn’t a magic toilet that flushes all your worries away. But it’s a wise, viable option for women who are being systematically destroyed by their closest relationship.

For women who want a divorce from their emotionally abusive husbands, this episode is a reminder of the core things they need to know.