Healing from Spiritual Abuse Archives

The Wife with Boundaries: Changing the Conversation on Biblical Submission [Episode 184]

August 16, 2022

Is there poison in your home?

No, I don’t mean rat poison or toxic chemicals or asbestos. It’s words. On pages. In a book. One that’s given as a wedding gift. When times are tough. When you’re desperate. When you’ve run out of ideas and options to help your marriage and somebody gives you 336 pages of “hope.”

The poison is the answer ringing from every page of this book. You were, as Debi Pearl puts it, “Created to Be His Help Meet.” And lots of women have gulped it down, me included.

Sounds nice, doesn’t it? Sweet. Simple. Godly.

Because double standards and coercive control and whitewashed tombs are biblical, right?

In this interview with Chelsea Wells, she and I discuss the poisonous messages of Debi Pearl’s book before we toss them in the shredder.

We Need a Sexual Reformation in the Church: Interview with Author Aimee Byrd [Episode 179]

July 12, 2022

“Don’t try and church it up.”

Ever heard that piece of advice? It hits the crux of this episode right in the nethers: biblical manhood and biblical womanhood.

Author Aimee Bird offered a more refined and relevant version: “Just because you put the word ‘biblical’ in front of it doesn’t make it so. It’s not an adjective.”

If you’re listening to this podcast, I’d bet my milk money you’ve heard the terms “biblical manhood” and “biblical womanhood” 43,854 times or more, maybe in the past month alone.

They’re not standalones. They inform every aspect of your life as a Christian woman. Or so you’ve been taught. Maybe they’re just churched-up versions of junk — the overcooked vegetables on your theological dinner plate. The stain on your white blouse. The turd in your lemonade.

Maybe. You’ll have to listen to find out.

Does the Bible Say I Can’t Take my Abuser to Court in Order to Divorce Him in 1 Corinthians 6:1-10? [Episode 178]

July 5, 2022

Did you know some people used to use the Bible to support slavery? They would tell slaves that it was God’s will.

Want to guess who those people were?

Huge surprise: slave owners.

It can be terrifying to have someone throw the book—the literal Bible—at you. But you know the saying “Where there’s smoke, there’s fire?” Well, in this case, “Where there’s confusion, there’s crap.” The kind of crap people throw out when they’re desperate to keep you under their thumb.

Instead of cowering in the face of their accusations and “biblical” nonsense, you can do a little math.

How You and Your Faith Community Got Hoodwinked by an Abuser [Episode 177]

June 28, 2022

Do you wonder how he did it?

How your abuser tricked you and blindfolded your church? How he just keeps coming out on top, despite all the evidence pointing to what a sick, twisted, evil person he is?

Abuse doesn’t happen in a vacuum. It always involves the community. In this case: the church.

Wade Mullen staked his Ph.D. on the study of the hidden tactics of abuse, especially spiritual abuse within religious communities.

What he found were patterns of behavior. The slow and steady set-up for abuse to become a system, a system to become a theology, and a theology to become god.

Imagine with me: A relationship within a community where all the red flags (manipulation, lying, criticism) are called green flags and all the green flags (truth-telling, boundaries, self-respect) are called red flags.

It’s the heist of the century. And it’s working all too well.

Should Abused Christian Wives Stay and Suffer Like Job? [Episode 174]

June 7, 2022

Imagine two terminally ill children. Both are given three months to live. For one, there’s nothing doctors can do—death is certain. The disease is incurable and untreatable.

For the second, there’s a life-saving treatment available. If it isn’t taken, the next three months will be a slow, excruciating crawl toward the end. If the treatment is started as soon as possible, the child will live and—what’s more—thrive.

Family, friends, and church leaders of the second child gather around and declare that the life-saving treatment shouldn’t be accepted. Since the first child’s death is certain, it would be best for the second child to accept death as well. The second child should die. In fact, not only is it right to condemn the second child to death, but their suffering and pain will bring glory to God.

One more thing. The second child is YOUR child.

Thoughts?

I have some. So listen in.

Does the Bible Say I Have to Give My Abusive Husband Sex on Demand? [Episode 170]

May 10, 2022

You’re not a toaster.

No matter what you’ve been taught by religious leaders, you’re not a thing to be used.

No matter what you’ve been told by your husband, you’re not an appliance to be owned.

No matter what you’ve come to believe about yourself, you’re not property — at the mercy of a spouse who wants toast on demand.

If you’ve found yourself tormented over how you’re treated in your marriage, especially when it comes to sex, and you waver between disgust and despairing “submission,” I have a new bottom line for you.

It’s four little letters, and it never justifies your mistreatment.

Category: Healing from Spiritual Abuse