Have you ever felt like your faith packed a suitcase, jumped off a cliff, and left you blinking in the rubble of what used to be your spiritual life? In this episode, I’m joined by my good friend and fellow coach Diana Swillinger to talk about what it’s like when everything you thought you believed about God, church, and even yourself suddenly stops making sense.

We’re not sugarcoating it, friend. We’re talking spiritual betrayal, religious trauma, excommunication (oh yes, I went there), and what happens when your church treats your divorce like an unpardonable sin. 

If you’ve ever doubted your beliefs, lost your community, or felt spiritually homeless, this episode can be a much needed dose of validation and sanity.

And by the way, God’s still there. Even when you’re not sure who God even is anymore.

Key Takeaways:

• Spiritual freefall is real – especially after religious betrayal, loss of community, or family rejection post-divorce.
• Doubt isn’t the enemy. It’s the beginning of real faith. (And no, you’re not going to hell for asking hard questions.)
• You can let go of the Jenga tower of theology you built—and still find Jesus standing there, patiently waiting.
• Creativity heals. Music, writing, quilting—whatever helps you access that divine spark inside you is sacred ground.
• You’re not alone, even if you feel like you’ve been spiritually ghosted by everyone you trusted.
• Religious certainty ≠ spiritual maturity. Sometimes the most faithful thing you can do is say, “I don’t know.”

Journal Questions: 

1. Looking back, when did you first notice that your faith no longer felt like home to you? Was it a slow unraveling or a single moment—and what feelings come up as you remember it now?
   
2. What messages—spoken or unspoken—did you receive about doubt while growing up in your faith community? How have those messages impacted your ability to ask hard questions today?
   
3. Can you identify any “Jenga blocks” in your faith—beliefs or teachings you’ve started to question or let go of? What has happened as a result?
   
4. Have you experienced spiritual betrayal or judgment from your church, faith community, or family after your divorce? How did those experiences shape your sense of self and your ability to trust your own spiritual intuition?
   
5. When you felt lost or spiritually untethered, what did you most long to hear—from God or from others? Did you receive it? How did that impact your healing?
   
6. What practices—spiritual, creative, or otherwise—have brought you comfort or hope in your darkest hours? Are there any new rituals you’d like to try?
   
7. How has your understanding of doubt changed? Can you see any ways that doubt has actually strengthened your faith or opened you up to a deeper sense of God’s presence?
   
8. Reflect on a time when you let go of an old version of faith, God, or yourself. What did you discover on the other side of that letting go?
   
9. How do you relate now to people who are still “building their house of cards” in faith? What does it look like for you to hold space for others—and for yourself—amid spiritual uncertainty?

10. If you could go back and speak to your past self—the one terrified to ask hard questions—what would you say to her about doubt, belonging, and the real “good news” of faith?

Related Resources:

• Flying Higher (https://joinflyinghigher.com) is my group of badass divorced Christian women who are learning and growing along with me through classes, coaching, book studies, and Bible studies. 
• Flying Free (https://joinflyingfree.com) is for Christian women in emotionally abusive marriages who are looking for support and healing. Apply to join today!
• Feel like a hot mess after divorce? This 5-Day Workshop will teach you a cool mind-shift tool to help you learn a powerful way to manage your thoughts and emotions in order to navigate adult decisions with clarity and peace. 
• Check out Diana’s podcast, The Renew Your Mind Podcast.
• Books mentioned in this episode: The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse by David Johnson and Jeff Van Vonderen, Love Wins by Rob Bell, and Faith After Doubt by Brian McLaren.

Article: Faith in Freefall: When Your Belief System Nose-Dives and God Is Still There Anyway

So… you left an emotionally abusive marriage. Maybe you filed for divorce. Maybe you crawled away on hands and knees. Either way, you did the unthinkable in the eyes of your church: you prioritized your mental health and physical safety over image management and patriarchal approval.

And now?

Now your faith is spiraling like a badly written soap opera. You don’t know what you believe anymore, or if you believe anything at all.

Congratulations, sister. You’re in spiritual freefall. And as terrifying as it feels, I promise you, you’re not going to crash and burn. This is the part where your real faith finally gets its moment to breathe.

When Your Church Divorces You First

In my coaching work with Christian women leaving destructive marriages, I’ve seen it a thousand times. You don’t just lose a husband when you walk away from abuse. You lose your church. Your community. Sometimes even your adult kids who’ve been steeped in the same twisted theology.

You were taught that divorce was the ultimate sin, unless, of course, the church is the one divorcing you. Then it’s just called “church discipline.” (Insert eye roll here.)

The double standards are jaw-dropping. Your husband could emotionally eviscerate you for decades, but the minute you draw a boundary? You’re Jezebel. And just like that, you find yourself excommunicated not only from your church, but from the version of faith that once felt like home.

The Jenga Tower of Belief

Let’s talk about faith like it’s a Jenga tower for a second.

When you start asking questions—about marriage, about God, about your worth—you start pulling out little blocks from your belief system. And you keep hoping the whole tower won’t collapse. You want to believe you can question the role of women in marriage or the reality of abuse in Christian homes without losing the whole dang structure.

Spoiler alert: the tower is gonna fall.

And that’s not a crisis. That’s a renovation.

Turns out, what falls isn’t faith itself. What collapses is the flimsy scaffolding of toxic theology, spiritual manipulation, and fear-based control systems. What remains is the foundation: Jesus. Who, by the way, was never threatened by doubt. He was too busy touching lepers, flipping tables, and calling out religious narcissists to care whether you dotted all your theological i’s.

Doubt Is Not the Enemy: Certainty Is

Growing up in evangelical spaces, many of us were taught that doubt is the enemy. Doubting Thomas was the cautionary tale. Faith meant certainty. Faith meant trusting what you were told, even when your gut was screaming otherwise.

But what if doubt isn’t a sign of rebellion?

What if doubt is actually the doorway to real faith?

Faith without doubt is just dogma. It’s you trying to duct tape a leaky worldview together with Bible verses you half understand and shame you’ve been conditioned to call “conviction.”

Real faith? It gets rebuilt from the rubble of false certainty. It’s the unshakeable belief that God is still here, even after your Jenga tower has bit the dust. Even after you’ve stopped reading your Bible app. Even after your pastor says you’ve “fallen away.”

Because newsflash: God is not afraid of your questions. He’s not fragile. He doesn’t need your perfect behavior to prove His existence. He’s not waiting to zap you for dropping the ball. He’s just there. Still loving you. Still holding you. Still whispering, “I’m here.”

When You Let Go and He Doesn’t

My friend Diana (fellow coach and all-around wise woman) told a story in our conversation that perfectly captures this moment. She imagined herself clinging to Jesus’ robe with white-knuckled desperation, terrified to let go of the only faith structure she’d ever known.

And then she did it. She let go.

And nothing happened.

No lightning bolts. No damnation. Just a quiet, steady presence whispering, “I’m still here.”

If that’s not a gospel worth believing in, I don’t know what is.

Rebuilding on a Better Foundation

Look, I’m not saying spiritual freefall is fun. It’s not. It feels like death because it is a kind of death. The death of certainty, the death of performance-based love, the death of pleasing a God you were taught was impossible to please.

But what grows in its place is beautiful.

It’s faith that can hold mystery.
It’s love that doesn’t come with conditions.
It’s the ability to look at someone else’s spiritual path and say, “I don’t get it, but I see God in it anyway.”

It’s the freedom to know that the sun is still shining behind the clouds, even when you can’t feel the warmth.

You’re Not Lost. You’re Becoming

I used to be terrified of asking the hard questions. I thought it meant I was “backsliding” or “being deceived” or “letting Satan get a foothold.” (Christianese, anyone?)

Now I know: asking those questions was the most faithful thing I could’ve done. It meant I wasn’t sleepwalking through my spiritual life anymore. I was awake. I was alive. I was choosing God for real, not because I was scared not to, but because I finally knew He was good.

So if you’re in the middle of the freefall, let me say what maybe nobody else will:

You are not broken.
You are not bad.
You are not backslidden.

You are becoming.

You are finally letting go of a god with a little “g” so you can meet the real God: the one who walks with you, not against you. The one who speaks peace, not panic. The one who actually wins in the end.

Final Thought (and Shameless Plug)

If any of this hits home for you, I wrote a whole book about it: All the Scary Little Gods. It’s the memoir of my own spiritual unmasking, and I promise it’ll make you laugh, cry, and maybe throw your Bible across the room (in a good way).

Also, if you’re craving community with other women navigating this spiritual upheaval, check out my programs Flying Free and Flying Higher. We’re asking the hard questions. We’re doing the real healing. And we’re not afraid of doubt, because we know the God we love is bigger than all of it.

Until next time, hold on. Or let go. Either way, He’s still there.

P.S. Also, be sure to check out Diana’s podcast, Renew Your Mind, for weekly brain-rewiring magic!