Ever fallen for someone who looked flawless on paper, but in real life turned out to be your personal nightmare with a Christian smile slapped on top? 

In today’s episode, I sit down with Maile, a bright spark in our Flying Free community, who thought she’d landed in God’s will when she married her second husband. Instead, she found herself suffocating under spiritual gaslighting, emotional sabotage, and escalating violence, all hidden behind the shiny veneer of “good Christian marriage.”

This is a real story of what it looks like to wake up, break free, and rebuild your life, even when you’ve already done the divorce thing once before, and the church ladies are clutching their pearls at you for round two.

In this episode:

• The red flags Maile ignored during dating (love bombing, control, snooping)
• How spiritual abuse kept her stuck under the “good Christian wife” lie
• Why COVID became the unexpected wake-up call she needed
• How she found the courage to leave, even after already being divorced once
• What freedom and faith look like on the other side of abuse

Related Resources:

• Book mentioned: The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk.
• Some other survivor stories: Shelley’s story and Stacie’s story.

Article: He Looked Perfect on Paper: When “God’s Will” Becomes a Prison

What if your Christian dream marriage turned out to be a nightmare, and everyone around you told you to “wait for God’s blessing” while you were dying inside?

In today’s story, I want you to meet Maile. She’s a survivor, a warrior, and a woman who believed she was marrying God’s best. Her husband looked perfect on paper: Christian, in ministry, “family values,” the whole enchilada.

Behind closed doors? Emotional manipulation, spiritual gaslighting, and eventually, physical violence. All wrapped up in a Jesus bow.

If you’re reading this while folding laundry, driving kids, or crying in the bathroom, I want you to know you’re not alone. Maile was you. She felt the confusion, shame, and fear of what leaving might mean. And she found her freedom anyway.

It Started with Love-Bombing

You know how everyone says, “When you know, you know”? Let’s correct that to: “When they’re love-bombing you into submission, it feels like you know.”

Maile’s husband wanted to be with her all the time. It felt flattering. They were Christians, educators, in ministry. What could go wrong, right? Oh, friend. Everything.

He read her private journals, snooped through her emails, and manipulated her into changing her phone number on their honeymoon. They shared a social media account because “we’re one flesh,” right? No. Because he wanted to control her.

This was the beginning of the slow erosion of Maile’s sense of self.

The Christian “Purity Culture” Trap

Maile was in her late 30’s and wanted to “do it right.” No living together before marriage, so they rushed into a wedding, thinking it was God’s will.

And, let’s be real, purity culture often rushes women into lifelong commitments with men they barely know, under the threat of “you’ll lose God’s blessing.” 

The Abuse Escalated, Slowly

At first, it was the silent treatment. Then the mood swings. The constant criticism about her family, her friends, her time with her son.

It moved from emotional abuse to spiritual abuse. He’d say things like, “Your mom would let your dad lead” and “You’re not submitting.” Christianese for “I want to control you, and I’ll weaponize your faith to do it.”

Then came the physical violence. It started with breaking doors and throwing phones. Then came the day he punched her. Twice. Leaving her arm black and blue.

And like so many of us, Maile thought, “Maybe if I work harder, submit more, keep the house cleaner, don’t rock the boat…” Surely God would see her faithfulness and fix it, right?

But no matter how much she sacrificed herself on the altar of his demands, it was never enough.

Enter: COVID and a Wake-Up Call

Ah, the pandemic. For many women, the constant proximity to their abuser stripped away the busyness that kept them distracted.

Maile stumbled upon the Flying Free Podcast during lockdown. She took my quiz, and when she saw her life mirrored in those questions, something shifted. She started making lists of what her life would look like if she stayed and if she left.

Here’s what she noticed: the “stay” list was grim. The “leave” list had something the other one didn’t. Hope.

Getting Out Wasn’t Easy

Getting out never is. She reached out to a friend, found low-income housing, gathered documents, and within twelve days, she was out. Not because she was “ready” (who ever is?), but because she knew she had to.

And yes, he tried to lure her back. Abusers don’t want a divorce unless they’re trading you in for someone else. Why would they? You’re a convenient supply of emotional labor, physical intimacy, and ego strokes.

But Maile stayed the course. She left, bruises and all, and didn’t look back.

What Changed After Leaving

It wasn’t perfect. Finances were still hard. Decisions were still hard.

But they were her decisions now. There was no one to scream at her, give her the silent treatment, or threaten violence when things didn’t go their way.

Her relationship with her son began to heal. Her relationship with her parents strengthened. Her body stopped breaking down under the constant stress. The hair loss and hives began to subside. She could breathe again.

And most importantly, her relationship with God deepened, unshackled from the fear-based theology that demanded she stay and suffer to earn divine approval. She discovered that God’s love wasn’t tied to her marital status.

“God’s Blessing” Isn’t Found in Abuse

I wish I could grab every woman sitting in a church bathroom, crying about her abusive marriage, and tell her: God isn’t disappointed in you for wanting to be safe. God isn’t mad at you for refusing to be abused.

God’s blessing isn’t found in suffering under oppression. It’s found in truth, freedom, and the peace that comes when you’re living in alignment with the reality of your worth.

For You, Reading This

If you’re wondering if leaving is possible for you, Maile’s story is your reminder that yes, it is. It’s messy, scary, and hard. But it’s possible.

You don’t have to wait until you feel ready. You’ll never feel ready to cross that rushing river. You take one step, then another. Some rocks will be slippery. You’ll get wet. But you will get to the other side.

If you need help, that’s what Flying Free is here for. We’ve helped thousands of Christian women walk through the process of recognizing abuse, getting safe, and rebuilding a life they don’t have to escape from.

If you found yourself in Maile’s story and want to explore your next steps, join the Flying Free program. It’s $29/month, and unlike your abuser, it actually helps you heal. Apply to join at www.joinflyingfree.com 

XOXO, 

Natalie