If you’re exhausted from trying to hold everything together—your faith, your marriage, your family, your sanity—you’re not alone.
I spent years believing that being a “godly woman” meant controlling all the moving pieces of my life. Keep the peace. Keep the rules. Keep everyone happy. Don’t mess up. Don’t speak out. Don’t feel too much. Don’t need too much.
And if it all falls apart? That’s on you, right?
No. Actually, it’s not.
There comes a moment in every woman’s healing journey when she realizes:
Control isn’t safety. It’s captivity.
It took me years to figure that out. Years of white-knuckling my way through toxic relationships, spiritually manipulative environments, and church messages that sounded holy but felt suffocating. If you’re reading this with a tight chest and a lump in your throat, you get it.
But here’s the truth I want to whisper (or maybe shout?) into your soul today:
Releasing control is not weakness. It’s wisdom.
Control Feels Safe… Until It Doesn’t
Why do we hold on so tightly?
Because control feels safe. Predictable. Holy, even. If you grew up with rigid rules or fear-based theology, you probably learned early on that God is only pleased when you follow the formula.
Be good. Submit. Stay quiet. Keep smiling.
But when you’re in an emotionally or spiritually abusive situation, control becomes survival. You micromanage your behavior, your words, your reactions, hoping that if you do everything just right, you’ll finally earn love… or avoid punishment.
Spoiler alert: You can’t. Because love that requires you to disappear isn’t love.
And a god who demands perfection before He’s willing to draw near? That’s not the real God. That’s a manmade idol wearing a religious mask.
The Moment I Realized Control Was Controlling Me
At some point in my healing, I had this very uncomfortable realization:
I wasn’t in control of anything, except how much I was hurting myself by trying to be.
Trying to fix a broken marriage.
Trying to stay in churches that silenced my voice.
Trying to parent perfectly so my kids wouldn’t repeat my story.
The harder I tried to control everything, the more disconnected I became from peace, from joy… and honestly, from God.
Because the truth is, God never asked me to carry all of this.
What Scripture Actually Says About Control
You won’t find a Bible verse that says, “Blessed is she who micromanages her life into exhaustion.”
But you will find:
- “Be still and know that I am God.” (Psalm 46:10)
- “Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you.” (1 Peter 5:7)
- “Come to Me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” (Matthew 11:28)
Notice a theme?
God doesn’t invite us to strive harder. He invites us to release. To breathe. To trust. Not in a passive, “sit back and do nothing” way, but in a grounded, faith-filled, I don’t have to be God today kind of way.
What Happens When You Stop Controlling Everything
When you start releasing control, something surprising happens:
- Your nervous system calms down.
- Your relationships shift.
- Your view of God becomes softer, kinder, truer.
- You realize that survival mode isn’t your forever home.
And yes, it feels scary at first. Like standing on the edge of a cliff and choosing to believe there’s a net.
But here’s what I want you to know:
The God of love will always meet you in the freefall.
Questions to Ask When You’re Ready to Release Control
If you’re not sure where to start, here are a few questions that helped me:
- What am I trying to control right now, and why?
- What am I afraid will happen if I stop trying to manage this?
- Where is God actually in this situation, not where religion told me He should be?
- What would it look like to release the outcome and focus on truth instead?
These questions aren’t magic, but they open the door to something holy: awareness. And awareness is the first step toward healing.
Want More? I Recorded a Short Podcast Just for You
If this resonates, I recorded a 10-minute podcast episode (above) that expands on this exact idea.
I unpack why control has become a spiritual addiction for so many of us and what happens when we dare to loosen our grip. I’ll also invite you to take this journey deeper with me inside my private mentorship program, Flying Higher, where we’re walking through this healing work together.
XOXO,
Natalie
