This week we’re going to tackle one of the most pressing questions divorced women face: What if you’re rebuilding from nothing? What if you had to take on debt just to leave? And what if the shame around your financial situation feels heavier than the actual numbers?

There’s a two-word phrase that changes everything when it comes to managing your money. You’ll discover unconventional ways women have eliminated major expenses while still living full lives. And you’ll hear why one of the biggest lies you’ve been told might be the very thing keeping you stuck.

Key Takeaways:

• Why the emotion attached to your debt matters more than the number
• The two-word reframe that removes anxiety from financial planning
• What actually happens when you call your lenders 
• The creative income strategies you’ve probably never considered
• Why your timeline doesn’t have to match anyone else’s expectations

Related Resources:

• Diana’s podcast, Renew Your Mind
• Jillian’s podcast, Hungry for Love
• Flying Higher is my live mentorship program for Christian women pursuing increased confidence in their relationships, emotional management, decision making, and self-development. Join us for live classes, coaching, Bible study, and book studies every month. Plus access to a huge library of education and coaching resources. Only $59/month. 
• Money with Katie Budgeting Tool
• Monarch Budgeting App (Get 50% off your first year HERE)

Article: Creating Your Own Spending Plan (AKA BUDGET!)

A lot of divorced Christian women come out of their marriages with nothing or worse than nothing. Maybe you took out a loan to leave. Maybe you financed a car. Maybe you went back to school and now you’ve got student loans on top of credit card debt. And maybe you’re wondering if financial freedom is even realistic at this point in your life.

Here’s what I want you to know: debt is not a moral failure. It’s often the ransom you paid to get free.

Why Does Debt Feel So Shameful?

Let’s talk about the shame first. Because that’s the real weapon here.

There are a lot of people out there who love to use being debt-free as some kind of moral superiority badge. They’ll tell you that you’re a slave to the lender, that you need to deprive yourself of every ounce of joy until you’ve paid off every penny, that living with debt means you’re not trusting God.

The truth is, some of us had to go into debt to survive. Some of us had to take out credit cards to pay for a lawyer. Some of us had to finance a car because our ex left us with nothing. And that’s not failure, that’s survival. That’s courage. That’s doing what it took to protect yourself and your kids.

So before we talk about strategies and spending plans and debt payoff timelines, let’s get one thing straight: you don’t need to feel ashamed of the choices you made to get safe. Those investments in your freedom were worth it. Full stop.

What If You Can’t Pay Off Your Debt Right Now?

Here’s a radical thought: maybe you don’t have to.

I know, I know. That’s not what the big-name budget gurus tell you. But here’s the thing, sometimes living your life matters more than being debt-free on someone else’s timeline.

You can feel peace by thinking, “I’m okay whether I have debt or not.” You can feel content by thinking, “Maybe debt isn’t actually a problem right now.” You can feel curious by thinking, “There is a way to change my money situation. I wonder what it is.” And if being debt-free is important to you, you can feel determined by thinking, “There is a way to get out of debt, and I will find it.”

But you get to decide which of those emotions you want to feel. You get to decide what your priorities are. And if right now your priority is building a life you actually want to live, even if that means carrying some debt, that’s a valid choice.

What Are Some Practical Ways to Pay Down Debt?

Okay, so let’s say you do want to get out of debt. What does that actually look like?

First, don’t look at the whole mountain. Look at the smallest pebble. Pay off your smallest debt first. It might only be a few hundred dollars, but when you pay it off, your brain gets a cookie. You get momentum. And momentum is everything.

Second, get creative with how you’re paying things down. Can you transfer your credit card balance to a zero-interest card for 18-24 months? That can make a massive dent without interest eating you alive. Can you call your lenders and negotiate a lower interest rate? You’d be surprised how often they’ll say yes.

Third, use apps that automate savings. Apps like Changed or Acorns round up your purchases and put the difference toward debt or savings. It sounds small, but it adds up faster than you think.

Fourth, find ways to increase your income. And I’m not talking about getting a second full-time job (though if that’s an option, great). I’m talking about creative side hustles. Teach a fitness class. Babysit on Friday nights. Become a live-in nanny. Drive for Uber. Look for opportunities where you’re already doing something and you can get paid for it.

One of my co-hosts became an apartment caretaker and got free rent in exchange for vacuuming the building and wiping down windows. Another saved $18,000 in nine months by taking a part-time live-in nanny job and putting that entire paycheck into a separate account she never saw. These aren’t traditional solutions, but they work.

How Do You Actually Create a Spending Plan?

Notice I didn’t say budget. Because budgets feel restrictive and anxiety-inducing. But a spending plan? That’s permission. That’s saying, “Here’s where I want my money to go.”

Start by looking at what’s coming in and what’s going out. Write it all down. Every streaming service. Every subscription. Every little $5.99 charge that you forgot about. Those add up, and they’re often the easiest things to cut.

Then decide what actually matters to you. Do you need five streaming platforms, or can you get by with two? Do you need that gym membership, or can you teach a class and get it for free? Are there phone plans that cost $15 a month instead of $100?

And here’s the thing… treat yourself while you do this. Pour a glass of wine. Put on some music. Make it feel less like a chore and more like you’re taking charge of your life. Because that’s what you’re doing.

Some people like spreadsheets. Some people use apps like Monarch or YNAB. Some people do the envelope system with cash. Find what works for you, not what some budget guru says you should do.

And give your money a home. If you want a massage budget, put that in. If you want a coffee-with-friends budget, include it. If you want to travel, start saving $20 a month. When your money has a place to go, you stop feeling guilty every time you spend it.

What If You Still Want to Enjoy Your Life?

This is the part that matters most.

You don’t have to choose between paying off debt and living your life. You can do both. Maybe you go to one really nice baseball game instead of ten mediocre ones. Maybe you meet friends at the park for a walk instead of coffee. Maybe you cook at home most nights but splurge on pretty food with wine once a month.

The goal isn’t deprivation. The goal is intentionality. And freedom.

Because here’s the truth: if you spend your whole life miserable while you’re trying to get out of debt, what’s the point? You didn’t leave an unhealthy marriage just to trade one prison for another.

You were made to soar. And you can start soaring now, even if you’re still carrying some debt.

If you need support as you’re rebuilding your financial life, come join us in Flying Higher. It’s a community of divorced Christian women who are upleveling their lives together. We’d love to have you.

XOXO,
Natalie