In this episode, I sit down with Diana, Marie, Michele, Grace, and Rochelle—five divorced Christian women—to dish on how the first 365 days post-divorce can feel like navigating an emotional minefield with a blindfold on and flip-flops. We’re talking the first holidays that smacked us sideways, the unexpected emotional triggers, practical, real-life survival tips to make it through without self-combusting, and why “just be grateful” is not the ministry you need right now.
Key Takeaways:
- Grief is sneaky—you might be totally fine… until you’re not.
- Freedom is real—and sometimes it shows up in a firework-lit sky.
- People still say the worst things—yes, even the ones at church.
- Your triggers are valid—you don’t owe anyone an apology for how your body remembers pain.
- You’re not the only one crying in the car—and you don’t have to pretend you’re fine.
Journal Questions:
- What expectations—spoken or unspoken—do you carry about holidays, birthdays, or special events? Where did those expectations come from, and are they serving you now?
- When you experience disappointment or things don’t go as planned, how do you typically respond? What could it look like to offer yourself compassion instead of criticism?
- What are some simple, meaningful traditions you could create (or let go of) that genuinely fit this season of your life?
- If you could speak directly to the version of yourself dreading an upcoming holiday, what words of comfort or hope would you offer?
- What does “creating your own happiness” look like to you right now, especially on days that are emotionally charged? What small act could you do to nurture yourself next time one of those landmines appears?
Related Resources:
- Flying Higher (https://joinflyinghigher.com) is my live mentorship program for Christian women pursuing increased confidence, emotional management, relational health and empowered self-development.
- Feel like a hot mess after divorce? This 5-Day Workshop will teach you a mind-shift tool to help you learn a powerful way to manage your thoughts and emotions in order to navigate adult decisions with clarity and peace.
- Listen to Diana’s podcast, the Renew Your Mind Podcast.
- Connect with Marie on her blog, Live Like it Matters, and website, Spiritual Direction with Marie.
Article: How Divorced Christian Women Can Survive Holidays Without Losing Their Minds
Let’s talk about the landmines, shall we? No, not the actual ones, though some family gatherings feel pretty close. I mean the emotional ones: birthdays, holidays, anniversaries…you know, all those calendar dates that once meant celebration and now feel like neon signs blinking YOU FAILED.
If you’re a divorced Christian woman and your stomach twists every time someone mentions Christmas or Mother’s Day, you’re not alone. I’ve been there. And so have a lot of women in our Flying Free and Flying Higher communities. So let’s unpack this mess together, and maybe, just maybe, we’ll laugh a little along the way.
Spoiler Alert: There Are No Perfect Holidays
If you’re expecting Hallmark-level magic your first year post-divorce, let me just go ahead and lovingly smack that idea right out of your head. There’s no such thing. Even with no toxic ex hovering in the corner like a dementor, holidays can still blindside you. Just ask Rochelle, who had a 4th of July epiphany about freedom only to get sucker-punched by a triggering comment that sent her spiraling into emotional chaos. Been there. Bought the fireworks. Cried in the car.
Marie had a similar wake-up call over Thanksgiving. She thought, Now that I’m divorced, it’ll finally go my way. Ha! It didn’t. But that disaster taught her the invaluable lesson of letting go of “perfect.” And let’s face it: Expecting perfection from a post-trauma brain is like expecting a raccoon to fold your laundry. It’s not happening.
Lower the Bar and Raise the Peace
The secret weapon for getting through holidays intact? Deciding ahead of time that whatever happens will be okay. Diana nailed it when she talked about making up her mind before Christmas that whether she felt lonely or happy, whether the kids showed up or ghosted her till noon, it was all going to be okay. She even made herself sticky buns and watched White Christmas solo, and guess what? She didn’t die. She actually had a decent day.
This, my friends, is the power of pre-decided peace. It doesn’t mean you won’t feel sad or ticked off. It just means you won’t let those feelings boss you around.
Be the One Who’s Okay
You don’t have to be the mom who bakes herself into a frenzy trying to outshine Pinterest. You can be the mom who’s emotionally stable enough that your kids aren’t walking on eggshells. Diana’s goal was to be the parent who’s okay. Not the one they had to rescue or tiptoe around. And that’s a gift to them and to yourself.
Grace, another powerhouse in our community, put it beautifully: “Joy is not dependent on external things.” Whether you’ve got 40 people at your house or just your goldfish, joy is an inside job. And newsflash: your kids might hate some of those “special” traditions you’re killing yourself to maintain. Ask them. They might just want to color Easter eggs or watch a movie with you. Simple wins.
New Traditions, No Permission Needed
Rochelle blew my mind when she said, “No one is responsible for my happiness but me.” I wanted to stand up and shout, “PREACH!” She took herself to the science center for her birthday, saw IMAX movies, read every exhibit sign, and had the time of her life, all by herself. And she still remembers that day fondly every time she sees her entry sticker on her car dashboard.
Meanwhile, Michele, a mom of five (God bless her), simplified her holidays down to coloring pages and music. No pressure. No baking marathons. Just quiet connection. And guess what? Her kids love it. Less chaos. More connection.
Boundaries Are Not Optional
Now let’s talk people. You know, the ones who think your divorce is an opportunity to hand you unsolicited theology lessons or interrogate you at family dinners. You don’t owe them explanations. You owe yourself peace.
Surround yourself with people who offer compassion, not condemnation. As Diana said, “I only surround myself with people who support me.” And no, that’s not delusional. It’s boundaries. Life’s too short to keep making awkward conversation with Aunt Gertrude who thinks you need to “pray harder” for reconciliation.
Grief and Loneliness: Welcome to the Club
Sometimes grief hits like a freight train. One minute you’re sipping peppermint mocha; the next you’re sobbing because your kids are at their dad’s house. Or worse, your adult children have decided they’re not coming over because they don’t like your choices. Oof.
Marie found healing through breathwork and prayer. Grace leaned into gratitude. Rochelle reminded herself that her story isn’t over yet. And I’ll tell you what: that mindset shift can be everything. This isn’t the end of your story. It’s the messy, painful, yet sacred middle.
You’re Not a Failure. You’re a Phoenix.
If you’re dreading an upcoming birthday or holiday, hear this: Divorce does not make you a failure. It makes you human. Maybe even a warrior. You didn’t fail your marriage—you survived it.
Grace calls herself “re-singled” instead of divorced. She’s embracing the freedom to obey God without needing anyone’s permission. That’s not failure, friend. That’s spiritual maturity with a side of badassery.
And remember, you don’t have to show up on social media with glittery decorations and perfectly iced cookies. You just have to show up for yourself with kindness, curiosity, and maybe a Netflix marathon.
Final Word: Craft Your Own Joy
As Marie said, holidays are now opportunities to create. Create joy. Create space. Create peace. You get to decide what stays and what goes. You get to say no to egg hunts and yes to cozy mornings with coffee. You get to craft a life that reflects your healing—not your past.
Your story isn’t over. And that next chapter? It’s got your fingerprints all over it.
Come work with me and hundreds of other divorced Christian women in Flying Higher, and we’ll help you get through the holidays, birthdays, and more intact (and maybe even better than before, who knows?)
XOXO,
Natalie
