Have you ever felt so emotionally drained that you couldn’t see a way forward? That heavy feeling when you’re convinced nothing will ever get better? I know that feeling all too well, and recently I discovered something that might help you find your way back to hope.
While reading a book by Barry Michels and Phil Stutz called Coming Alive, I stumbled upon a concept that has the potential to gently pull you out of those dark emotional spaces and reconnect you to hope, resilience, and even joy.
Why Finding Hope When You Feel Hopeless Matters
When we lose hope, we don’t just feel sad – we become stuck. That feeling of hopelessness can paralyze us, making it impossible to move forward in our lives. But what if there was a way to shift that feeling? What if you could access a source of unconditional love and support within yourself, even during your darkest moments?
The Trap of False Hope
The book tells the story of Ann, a thirty-something woman devastated by yet another breakup. She walks into her therapist’s office crying uncontrollably, completely undone by the end of this relationship.
As her story unfolds, we learn that Ann wasn’t just looking for love – she was searching for salvation. She believed if she could find the right man, everything would finally fall into place. She’d feel alive, safe, and happy.
This is what Michels and Stutz call “false hope” – the belief that something external (a relationship, a job, money) will finally make everything better. It tells us, “Once you get that, you’ll be okay.”
But here’s the painful truth: when you actually get the thing you’re chasing, the thrill wears off. You start to feel empty again. And then that critical inner voice (what the authors call “Part X”) swoops in to tell you: “See? You’re hopeless. Even this didn’t save you.”
I think of Part X as all our programming – the ways we’ve been taught to see the world and ourselves. And let’s be honest, that programming isn’t usually very healthy.
The State of Demoralization
When false hope fails us, we enter what the authors call “demoralization.” It’s deeper than sadness. It’s the all-encompassing belief that nothing will ever get better. You lose faith not just in your situation but in yourself.
It’s that emotional dead end where the voice inside says: “Why bother?”
We’ve all been there. That voice is incredibly convincing. It makes us stop trying, isolate ourselves, and neglect self-care. We begin to spiral downward.
This is where finding hope when you feel hopeless becomes essential. Without it, we remain stuck in that demoralization, unable to move forward.
The Mother Tool: Your Way Back to Hope
This is where the chapter offers a beautiful way out.
When you’re stuck in demoralization, you don’t need logic or problem-solving. You need love – a nurturing, consistent source of belief in your worth.
Enter: The Mother.
This isn’t your biological mother. It’s an archetypal force inside you – a presence that represents unconditional love, hope, and resilience. She’s the part of you that whispers, “You’re still worthy. You’re still good. You’re not alone.”
The best part? The Mother doesn’t wait for you to earn her love. She doesn’t care if you messed up or fell apart. Her love is like oxygen – always available. But we have to choose to connect with it.
Now, the authors created this tool using the idea of a mother to help people connect with this nurturing presence. But you can adapt it! You could imagine a father, an angel, Jesus, or whatever helps you tap into the feeling of being unconditionally loved.
When you listen to this episode above:
- You’ll learn a practical, step-by-step tool for shifting out of hopelessness – I walk you through exactly how to use the Mother Tool when you’re feeling demoralized or stuck.
- You’ll see real-life examples of how this tool has worked for others – From a composer paralyzed by self-doubt to an attorney desperately seeking approval to a woman struggling with chronic pain, you’ll hear stories of how this simple practice created profound shifts.
- You’ll understand why your creativity and resilience depend on emotional safety – I explain the surprising connection between feeling loved and being able to create, solve problems, and bounce back from setbacks.
- You’ll discover how to stop the cycle of false hope – Instead of chasing external solutions, you’ll learn how to access an internal source of comfort and strength.
This isn’t about fixing your external situation. It’s about lifting your emotional state so you can show up to life with clarity and strength. It’s about finding hope when you feel hopeless, from within.
Why This Matters So Much
Finding hope when you feel hopeless isn’t just about feeling better – it’s about reclaiming your ability to function, create, and connect. When we’re demoralized, we can’t show up for our lives. We can’t be present for the people we love. We can’t do our best work.
By learning to use this tool, you’re not just managing emotions – you’re rebuilding your capacity to engage with life itself.
Ready to Experience This For Yourself?
I truly believe this tool can be life-changing when you’re struggling to find hope. In this episode, I’ll guide you through each step and help you understand not just how to use the tool, but why it works.
If you want to learn more tools like this, I invite you to join my Flying Higher mentorship program. We meet twice weekly for classes, coaching, and discussions. Visit joinflyinghigher.com to learn more and sign up!
Remember, you don’t have to climb out of despair alone. You don’t have to earn your worth. You can connect to love right now, right where you are, and find hope even in your darkest moments.
XOXO,
Natalie
The Comments
Ann
Being married to a person who has claimed to be a believer for 31 years, who has left 4x, porn, anger fits, verbal abuse..and crazymaking..has tested my faith to the brink. What doesnt kill you..well it has really taught me something more precious than gold . For years I struggled with why, the pain of the betrayals, the lies, the unkind words etc.. But it has taught me something much greater then what was happening, and that is TRUST.
For years I pleaded with God, change my marriage, change Me, change Him..or take me out..sigh… I see things a little different now. I realized that I cant change him, oh I did plenty of manipulation, when my prayers went unanswered..
I tried to be The Holy Spirit…
God only knows why. In His Word , it says I know the plans I have for you, not to harm you ,but to prosper you in the way. I trusted God for my Salvation, but not to change my circumstances.
What I mean is this..I wanted God to save my spouse, and make him stop sinning against me, and have a good marriage that reflected God’ s glory..who wouldnt want that?
Yet, I was profoundly unhappy as a result of his sin, and my unanswered prayers, and the fallout of how it affected our children.. We are more than conquerers in Christ who died for us. I was living as a beatup
loser, without hope. When husbands claim to know God, yet no fruit…the Bible says they are none of His.. I felt I was being judgemental..but searching the scriptures, I saw he was not even being chastised by God…which God promises to every true son.
I decided to put everything in God’ s hands.. I prayed God thy will be done in this marriage, if he leaves again , I wont go after him I will let him go. The Bible says if a woman be seperated from her husband , she is to remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. The Bible says IF an unbelieving spouse leaves you, you are to let them go..
Usually they end up divorcing or committing adultery..so God allows divorce for that.
The issue of being seperated from a spouse, I believe is for safety. I know God hates divorce, as He also hates alot of things. It is not the unforgivable act. Getting back to what God has taught me..
I have put my marriage in His hands. I have learned to set healthy boundaries in a respectful but firm way. I am seeing some changes, but we will see..as my trust is not in man..but the living God. I dont trust my husband..sad..but he has done much to cause it, I have forgiven him. God has taught me what longsuffering looks like. Love suffers long.
God suffered long with me, and continues to. It has taught me patience,kindness, gentleness, self control..
As living with a person who checks sll the boxes..is very challenging indeed. Every situation is different, but God’ s Word is not, it never changes througout the ages It remains the same. I do not stand in judgement over those who have had to make the heartwrenching decision to divorce or seperate. God knows their situation and their heart. I am still hanging in there, trusting only in God to do more than I can ever accomplish on my own. I have lived in anticipation of His eminent return for years, as every child of God should. It keeps me close to Him, and frankly a little fearful that I do not want to be ashamed at His appearing. In our nation we have lost the fear of The Lord. A weak Jesus is preached who is looking the other way when it comes to a lifestyle of sin..yes lifestyle..
not a sin. There IS a difference. Jesus warned that many shall come to Him and proclaim their ” goodness”
and list all the good things they did….but you see…
the subtleness of their standing???
These are proud doers, proclaiming their own goodness.. and Jesus says to them …Get Away From Me!! I Never Knew You..and here is why….
You who Practice Lawlessness
The word practice is there for a reason, it could have said stumbled, or did..but it does not. A practice is a habitual thing..whether it is done openly or in secret. Jesus saw their doublemindedness. He saw that they truly were never ever his. He said I Never knew you.. The Bible says alot about Biblical Christianity what it is and what it is not.
One thing you can be sure of is that it will cost you dearly.
It may cost relationships, jobs, health, wealth, even our very lives. I think many are not taught this, or repel of the idea that you have to take up your cross daily to follow Christ. But IF we truly Trust Him, he will show us the Way, give us wisdom from above that is not demonic, fleshly, but good. God is looking for obedience, not sacrifice. As we surrender all to him, our lives, our burdens, our hopes, our fears, he will lead us in the way that we should go.
We need to encourage one another not stand over them in judgement. As we shall be judged according to the manner we judged with..
Did I judge that obvious unbeliever in a way that absolves me of my sin?
or Do I look upon them knowing the evil of sin and how they have been kept captive by it as I once was..
And pray for them that God would open their eyes, and they would See and turn to Jesus who will heal them.
God does not save anyone halfway!!! He saves to the fullest!!! “I came that they may have life, and that more abundantly!” We as the body of Christ have to tell them the Truth, the whole Truth. Jesus
had to tell the crowds the bad news before he told them the Good News. The fields are ripe for the harvest!!! how much time are we spending doing things that keep us from fulfilling the great commission! I know for me that when I was so beaten down spiritually, emotionally, and physically I was no good for the Lord. But in his mercy he sought me and brought me back to see a better way. We shall always have trials and tribulations my friend, but remember God is in the midst of it, and he will walk with you through the fire. His will for us is that we get refined in it coming out purer as a result. As women in God’ s church we need to show more compassion on others who have difficult marriages or divorces.We look at those who have obvious handicaps or physical maladies with compassion..why not those who have difficult marriages or divorced people? As we have not walked in their shoes, and IF we did..we might get some empathy for those who are having trials.
Well..nuff said.
May the Lord Bless you All in The Way!