We love the idea of healing.
We love the Pinterest quotes. The fresh journal. The deep breath. The promise that one day we’ll “arrive” at this magical place where our pain is gone, our confidence is unshakable, and we somehow radiate inner peace while holding a green smoothie and doing yoga in white linen pants.
Here’s the truth: healing is not a destination. It’s not a retreat. It’s not a five-step plan. It’s a daily practice.
And according to Dr. Nicole LePera in her book How to Do the Work, that daily practice starts with something most of us were never taught to do: go inward.
Healing Is a Daily Choice—Not a One-Time Fix
Dr. LePera says,
“Healing is a daily event. You can’t go somewhere to be healed. You must go inward to be healed.”
That’s beautiful. And frustrating. Because most of us would prefer a plane ticket and a checklist, not an invitation to sit quietly with ourselves.
But here’s the good news: Most of us are already doing it—just quietly, bravely, in a thousand tiny decisions every day. Like saying no when you used to say yes out of fear. Like taking a nap instead of powering through burnout. Like asking, “What do I want?” and actually waiting to hear the answer.
You Are the Thinker of Your Thoughts
Another quote that made me pause:
“You may label these thoughts as ‘you,’ but they are not you. You are the thinker of your thoughts, not the thoughts themselves.”
When you’ve been in emotionally abusive relationships—or steeped in toxic belief systems—it’s easy to believe every negative thought that passes through your mind.
I’m too much.
I’m not enough.
I should’ve known better.
God must be disappointed in me.
But your thoughts are not gospel truth. They are stories your brain tells—often on autopilot, often recycled from years of fear-based messaging.
You are not your thoughts. You are the one noticing your thoughts. And that realization? That’s the beginning of freedom.
Trauma Teaches Us to Self-Abandon
This one was hard to read:
“Trauma occurred when we consistently betrayed ourselves for love.”
If you were conditioned to earn love by being the good girl, the compliant wife, the servant-hearted woman who never needed anything—then self-betrayal probably became second nature.
But that’s not love. That’s survival.
And now, as adults, we get to unlearn that pattern. We get to stop abandoning ourselves to keep the peace. We get to choose relationships that honor who we actually are—not who we pretend to be to avoid punishment or rejection.
Your Ego Isn’t the Problem—But Also, It’s Not the Boss
Here’s another truth bomb from Dr. LePera:
“There is tremendous freedom in not believing every thought we have.”
Our ego wants control. It wants certainty, comfort, and to never be embarrassed ever again. It means well, but it often runs the show with a bullhorn and zero nuance.
You might hear your ego say things like:
- “If you were really healed, this wouldn’t bother you.”
- “You’ll never get it right.”
- “Stay quiet. It’s safer.”
But your authentic self? She’s underneath that noise, whispering truth.
The work is learning to notice when the ego is driving—and then gently taking the wheel back. Not with shame, but with compassion.
Rediscovering Your True Self After Self-Betrayal
“You have to see yourself to love yourself—and you have to love yourself in order to give yourself what you weren’t able to get from others.”
After years of being told who we should be, it’s hard to hear the voice of who we are.
But it’s still there. Your intuition didn’t disappear. You just stopped listening because it wasn’t safe to trust it before.
Reclaiming your authenticity after abuse is sacred work. It might feel awkward and wobbly at first. But piece by piece, you begin to build a life that actually fits the person you’re becoming—not the role you were playing.
Boundaries Aren’t Mean. They’re Sacred.
One more quote for the women who still struggle to say “no” without guilt:
“How a parent-figure treated you as a child is not a reflection of who you are… You do not need to be a reflection of their unprocessed trauma.”
If someone mistreated you, ignored you, manipulated you, or demanded your silence—it wasn’t your fault. And it’s not your job to carry the weight of their wounds.
Setting boundaries isn’t about cutting people off. It’s about protecting what’s sacred. Your energy. Your voice. Your peace.
You are not required to be the emotional landfill for someone else’s unresolved issues.
What Now?
You don’t have to overhaul your life overnight. You don’t have to be perfectly “healed” by Friday. But you can start today—with one kind thought. One moment of awareness. One decision to stop abandoning yourself and start showing up for the woman you’re becoming.
Healing doesn’t always feel magical. But it is. Especially when it’s done with truth, tenderness, and the tiniest bit of rebellion.
Want to do this work with us? Learn more and join me in Flying Higher!
XOXO,
Natalie
