If you’ve ever second-guessed your sanity, asked Google “Is my husband a narcissist or just an annoying human?” or thought you might be sinning by not cheerfully submitting to your own emotional obliteration, this episode is your wake-up call… with love.

Christian counselor, Kris Reece, is back on the show for part two of our convo about the toxic mind games that keep Christian women stuck, particularly when Jesus is used as the emotional ball-and-chain.

Together, we unravel gaslighting, guilt, spiritual manipulation, emotional immaturity, and why you’re not selfish or sinful for walking away from garbage disguised as godliness.

Key Takeaways:

• Label-Schmabel: Stop obsessing over whether he’s a narcissist or just “difficult.” The real question is: does he take responsibility or make excuses? That’s your answer.
• Jesus Isn’t Your Abuser’s Alibi: Jesus didn’t die so you could stay trapped in a soul-sucking relationship. 
• Guilt is a Control Tool: Toxic people weaponize your good-girl guilt to keep you stuck. 
• Change the Dance: You can’t make him change. But you can change the steps you’re taking, and that alone can shift the entire dynamic. 
• You’re Not Powerless: If everything hinges on him, you’re trapped. Shift the focus back to YOU: your choices, your growth, your freedom.
• Truth Bomb: It’s Not Your Fault: You’re not responsible for his tantrums, beliefs, or abuse. You are responsible for how you respond and whether you keep playing along.
• Rebuilding Takes Time: Gaslighting screws with your reality. Healing comes as you reconnect with truth, reclaim your identity, and learn to giggle (a little) when grown men act like kindergartners.

Related Resources:

• Listen to Part One of my interview with Kris.
• Grab a copy of Kris’ new book, Breaking the Narcissist’s Grip.
• Get her FREE Narcissist Survival Guide. 
• Check out her YouTube channel.
• Connect with Kris on Instagram and Facebook.

Kris Reece is a Christian counselor, author, and speaker who helps believers break free from toxic relationships and codependency biblically and practically. With over 30 years of combined personal and professional experience, Kris has guided thousands through the emotional wreckage left by narcissistic and manipulative relationships. She blends deep biblical truth with real-world strategies to help others reclaim their identity, rebuild confidence, and walk in the freedom Christ offers. Kris is the author of Breaking the Narcissist’s Grip and host of a fast-growing YouTube channel where she equips Christians to set boundaries, overcome manipulation, break trauma bonds, and heal after toxic relationships.

Article: Gaslighting, Guilt, and the God Card: Why You’re Not Crazy (Even If He Says You Are)

Have you ever sat there, cross-legged on your bathroom floor, wondering, “Is he just wounded… or a full-blown narcissist?” followed immediately by, “Is it me? Am I the problem?”

Welcome to the club, sister. I’ve been the president of that club and the janitor. And the bartender. But here’s the truth: If you’re drowning in confusion, shame, and endless theological gymnastics to justify staying in a soul-sucking relationship, you’re probably being gaslit. And the kicker? They might be using Jesus to do it.

Let’s break it down.

Is my husband a narcissist? Or is he just difficult?

Let’s start with the question I hear more than “what’s for dinner?” from my teenagers: “Is he really a narcissist… or just emotionally immature?”

Here’s the deal: Difficult people eventually try to fix their mess. Toxic people justify it.

So maybe he’s not a card-carrying member of the Narcissists R Us Club. Maybe he had a rough childhood. Maybe he’s just really bad at emotional regulation. Great. Still doesn’t mean you have to stick around for the ongoing fallout.

Kris Reese (Christian counselor and fellow BS-caller) nailed it when she said, “We’re not treating a label. We’re addressing behavior.” Stop playing Diagnostic Psychiatrist Barbie. If the man can’t take responsibility and keeps blaming you for everything from his bad mood to the weather, he’s not just difficult. He’s destructive.

If he’s got mental health issues, does that mean he gets a pass to be abusive?

One of the most heart-wrenching reasons Christian women stay stuck is the lie that their partner’s brokenness excuses their bad behavior.

Let me give you a Sunday School refresher: Jesus never told anyone to accept abuse as an act of love. He flipped tables. He called out religious abusers. He also took naps during storms and walked away from people who were hell-bent on controlling Him.

You’re not more righteous for staying with someone who uses the Bible like a weapon and treats you like garbage. That’s not Christian love. 

What about Christians forgiving and being like Jesus?

Oh sweet mercy, the number of women who have been bludgeoned with “forgiveness” like it’s a demand to submit to torture is appalling.

Here’s the truth: Jesus forgave people who crucified Him, sure. But He didn’t invite them to dinner afterward and ask if they wanted to redecorate His tomb. Forgiveness is a solo sport. Reconciliation? That’s a team effort, and abusers make terrible teammates.

Jesus also wasn’t married to someone who gaslit Him, shoved scripture down His throat, and then demanded sex afterward. Let’s just put that out there.

Why do I feel guilty all the time?

You want to keep Christian women stuck in abusive marriages? Easy. Just play the guilt card.

“You’re not being like Jesus.”
“Divorce is a sin.”
“God hates divorce.”

Yeah, well, God also hates lying, oppression, and abuse, but I don’t see anyone plastering those verses on coffee mugs.

Listen, guilt is a tool. And in the hands of a toxic person, it’s a dagger. Kris said it perfectly: “If you don’t give in to toxic people, you’re not loving like Jesus.” That’s the twisted narrative. But guess what? It’s not true. Jesus didn’t tolerate manipulation. He walked away. So can you.

Is it my fault?

Let’s take a moment to untangle this one.

Yes, you have choices. Yes, you can learn how to set boundaries. Yes, you may have enabled certain dynamics, but that does not make the abuse your fault.

Repeat after me: “I did not cause this. I cannot control this. And I sure as heck cannot cure this.”

Toxic people will blame you for everything because it lets them off the hook. They’ll say, “If you’d only submit more, smile more, shut up more…” They’re basically saying, “If you weren’t you, I wouldn’t be awful.”

Nope. Not buying it. Not today, Satan.

How do I reclaim my sanity after being gaslit for so long?

Gaslighting is psychological warfare. It’s how toxic people rewrite your reality until you’re questioning your own memories, motives, and sanity. After years of this, many women (hi, me) can’t even trust their gut instinct anymore.

Here’s how you fight back:

You rebuild your identity from the ground up. Not on what your church said. Not on what your abuser said. Not even on what your mama said. 

On what God says.

And God doesn’t say, “You’re dumb, selfish, overreacting, too sensitive, or a bad wife.” He says, “You are beloved. Worth dying for. Fully known and fully loved.”

Are boundaries right if you’re a Christian?

I once heard a fabulous metaphor about Galatians 6 that blew my mind. There’s a difference between a burden and a load.

A burden is when your friend breaks her leg and you carry her and her backpack down the mountain. A load is your own backpack that you’re supposed to carry. If someone hands you their load and says, “Here, carry this too,” and you do it to “be nice,” congratulations: You’re now enabling their irresponsibility.

Jesus said to bear one another’s burdens, not carry someone’s entire emotional, financial, and spiritual dysfunction on your back while they ride shotgun and criticize your driving.

Want to Change the Dance? Change Your Steps

You don’t have to fix your abuser. You’re not his Jesus. You don’t need to spin yourself into a pretzel hoping this time your boundaries will inspire repentance.

But here’s what you can do: change your responses. Stop reacting the same way. Step out of the dance. You’ll be amazed how the music stops when one dancer sits down.

One woman in the Flying Free program literally charted out the abuse cycle in her marriage, mapped her thoughts, feelings, and responses at each stage, and then rewrote how she wanted to show up. The results were eye-opening. When you stop focusing on changing him and start focusing on reclaiming you, the whole game changes.

Final Thoughts: God Is Not Your Abuser

This might be the most important thing I say: If the God you worship sounds like your abuser, you need to get a new God.

And no, I don’t mean ditch Christianity. I mean get to know the real Jesus, not the one your legalistic, authoritarian, spiritually abusive church taught you about. The one who flips tables, not women.

You were never meant to be a doormat for someone else’s dysfunction. You were meant to fly free.

Ready to take your power back?

Join Flying Free and start learning how to walk away from toxic theology, rebuild your identity, and live a life of freedom, peace, and purpose.

Because you, my friend, were never the problem. (And you sure as heck aren’t crazy.)

XOXO,

Natalie