What if everything you believed about God was actually holding you hostage?

In this episode, I sat down with my friends and fellow coaches Diana Swillinger, Stacey Wynn, and Marie Griffith to get real about what it looks like to rebuild your relationship with God after the spiritual ground beneath your feet crumbles.

We’re talking about spiritual deconstruction, not as a slippery slope into heresy ( it’s actually a slip ‘n slide into FREEDOM), but as a necessary and sacred process of untangling truth from toxic theology. We share our personal stories of excommunication, church hurt, faith unraveling, and finding Jesus outside the four walls of evangelical dogma.

If you’ve ever felt like you’re “getting it wrong” with God or wondered if there’s still a place for you in the Kingdom after divorce, doubt, and deconstruction, this episode is your permission slip to breathe.

Key Takeaways:

• Deconstruction ≠ Losing Faith. It’s not rebellion, it’s reconstruction. It’s spiritual adulthood. It’s what happens when you stop obeying blindly and start seeking bravely.
• Jesus Is Still Here. Even when your theology implodes and your church unfriends you. Especially then.
• Faith Isn’t Fragile. If asking honest questions makes your faith crumble, maybe it was more fear than faith to begin with.
• Slippery Slopes Are FUN. Turns out that “slippery slope” we were warned about? It leads to love, liberation, and disco dance parties with the Holy Spirit.

Related Resources:

• Flying Higher (https://joinflyinghigher.com) is my live mentorship program for Christian women pursuing increased confidence, emotional management, relational health and empowered self-development.
• Feel like a hot mess after divorce? This 5-Day Workshop will teach you a mind-shift tool to help you learn a powerful way to manage your thoughts and emotions in order to navigate adult decisions with clarity and peace. 
• Connect with Marie on her blog, Live Like it Matters, and website, Spiritual Direction with Marie. 
• Connect with Stacey and find all her resources on her Linktree. 
• Check out Diana’s podcast, The Renew Your Mind Podcast.

Article: Is It Safe to Question God After Divorce? 

Here’s a wild thought: What if the version of God you inherited from your childhood church wasn’t the real God, but just a man-made construct designed to control, manipulate, and guilt you into submission? 

In this episode of the Divorced Christian Woman Podcast, I sat down with three of my favorite fellow coaches—Diana Swillinger, Stacey Wynn, and Marie Griffith—to talk about what it really looks like to rebuild your spiritual life after leaving an abusive marriage.

When Did You First Realize Your View of God Was Changing?

For me? It was when I got excommunicated. Nothing like being booted from the Jesus Club to make you reevaluate what you actually believe. Suddenly, the big scary God in the sky who was ready to zap me for any misstep started to look a lot more like… Jesus. Loving. Gentle. Patient. And not at all threatened by my questions.

Each of the ladies shared their own “uh-oh, everything I thought was true might not be” moment:

• Diana’s unraveling began when she made the terrifying (and liberating) decision to get divorced.
• Marie left her church “the right way” only to be ghosted by her so-called “family of choice.”
• Stacey got pushed out of her ministry community simply for thinking outside the evangelical box.

Turns out, asking questions is the new spiritual discipline. Who knew?

How Do You Know the Difference Between Deconstruction and Just Losing Your Faith?

Short answer: You don’t. At least not right away. But here’s the deal: Faith isn’t about certainty. It’s about trust. Stacey nailed it when she said that if you’re clinging to certainty, you’re not living in faith. Faith is what happens when you walk into the wilderness with nothing but your questions and still believe that God will meet you there.

What Was the Hardest Part About Deconstructing Your Faith?

If you guessed “losing community,” you’re right.

Whether it’s being ghosted by your small group or shunned by your extended family, the social cost of deconstruction is real. You may be called rebellious, deceived, bitter, or, my personal favorite, “dangerous.”

But here’s what we’ve learned:

• You’re not actually alone.
• There’s a whole host of faithful, curious, beautiful souls out here asking the same questions.
• Jesus isn’t confined to four church walls and a fog machine.

What Was the Best Part About Deconstruction?

Two words: Freedom and love.

Marie described it as a “slippery slope into more love than I’ve ever known.” And if that slope is greased with grace, then girl, slide on down. 

Diana realized that even after letting go of everything, Jesus was still there. Still loving. Still with her.

So let go of the fear. Let it unravel. Your faith will not evaporate. It will evolve.

Have Your Views on Scripture Changed Too?

Where do I even begin? We all had our “WHAT?!” moments with scripture:

• Stacey blew our minds by pointing out that Genesis doesn’t say Eve was made from a rib. It says woman was made from the side of the human. Translation: women are not an afterthought.
• Marie reclaimed the Woman at the Well, not as a shameful outcast, but as a brave, thoughtful spiritual seeker.
• I fell head-over-heels in love with the Mirror Bible, a translation that’s actually (brace yourself) good news.

How Can You Trust God Again After Religious Trauma?

Here’s the question that keeps so many of us up at night: “What if I get it wrong?”

But maybe that’s the wrong question. Diana reframed it so beautifully: What does it even mean to get it wrong with God? If He’s gracious, if He’s love, if He’s with us in the messy middle, can you actually get it wrong when your heart is honest?

Faith isn’t a multiple choice test. It’s a relationship. And God isn’t grading you. He’s walking with you.

What Does a Healthy, Rebuilt Faith Actually Look Like?

Newsflash: It doesn’t have to look like a 6 a.m. Bible study with highlighters and coffee in a “Blessed” mug.

Sometimes it’s messy. Sometimes it’s a disco dance party. (Yes, Marie met God at a dance party. And no, He wasn’t judging her for not singing Chris Tomlin.) Sometimes it’s journaling. Or hiking. Or just breathing in your car and asking, “Are you still here?”

Can You Really Experience God After Leaving the Church?

Absolutely. Stacey talked about how her daughter came to her and said she didn’t believe in God anymore. Instead of freaking out, Stacey responded, “Good for you.” That’s faith. That’s love. That’s trust in a God who doesn’t need our certainty, only our honesty.

Marie talked about dancing to “Celebrate Good Times” and feeling God’s delight. And honestly? That tracks. 

Final Thoughts from Your Favorite Excommunicated Friend

If you’re walking through a faith shift after a Christian divorce, and if you’re scared, lonely, or confused, just know this: You’re not faithless. You’re not alone.

You’re just waking up.

And if you want a safe space to explore these questions with other strong, brave, curious women? Come join us in the Flying Higher program. We’re out here following Jesus into something way more real.

Let’s keep flying higher, shall we?

XOXO,

Natalie