Can I Gaslight Myself? Part One [Episode 320]

In today’s episode, I am joined by life coach and fellow survivor advocate Diana Swillinger to explore a fascinating and often misunderstood topic: Can you gaslight yourself? We dive deep into what gaslighting is, how it manifests in relationships, and whether people unconsciously manipulate their own thoughts and emotions as a survival mechanism. This candid discussion sheds light on self-doubt, emotional survival, and the process of breaking free from harmful thought patterns.

Key Takeaways: 

• Definition of Gaslighting: A psychological manipulation tactic where an abuser causes the victim to question their own reality, memories, or sanity. This can be intentional or unintentional.
• Gaslighting as a Category: It encompasses various abuse tactics such as blaming, projection, and minimizing.
• Self-Gaslighting as Survival: While traditional gaslighting is a manipulation tactic used by one person against another, self-gaslighting often arises as an unconscious coping mechanism to minimize conflict and protect ourselves from emotional pain.
• Breaking Free: The first step in healing is acknowledging the truth and replacing self-gaslighting with truth. 

Related Resources: 

• Check out some of our other episodes with Diana: “The Importance of Empathy for Yourself,” “How to Change Yourself While Stuck in an Emotionally Abusive Marriage,” “Parallel Parenting Part One,” and “Parallel Parenting Part Two.” 
• Take a look at Diana’s website.
• Listen to Diana’s podcast, The Renew Your Mind Podcast.
• Connect with Diana on Facebook and Instagram.

Diana Swillinger is a life and business coach, host of The Renew Your Mind Podcast, and founder of the Renew Your Mind Institute Coach Training. After decades of trying to please God, be a good person and do the right thing, she ended up exhausted and discouraged. Desperate for a solution, Diana went back to school, joined personal development programs, and more, then took what she learned and created mind renewal tools that let her love life in every situation no matter what comes her way. Over the past five years, she has empowered thousands of women with those same tools to heal themselves, get back to who God created them to be, and build a life they love.

Are You Gaslighting Yourself? How to Recognize and Break Free from Self-Gaslighting

Gaslighting is a term we usually associate with manipulative abusers—those masters of deception who could probably convince a goldfish it never needed water in the first place. They twist reality, deny facts, and make their victims question their own sanity.

But what if I told you that someone else was gaslighting you, too… and that someone was you?

Yep. Plot twist.

This concept of self-gaslighting sparked a passionate discussion in the Flying Free community. Many survivors of emotional abuse have unknowingly mastered the fine art of dismissing their own reality, minimizing their pain, and making excuses for the inexcusable—because, for a long time, that was how they survived.

But what does it even mean to gaslight yourself? Is that an actual thing? And how do you stop? More importantly, what happens when you start living in truth?

Grab your emotional seatbelt, because we’re about to dive into it all.

What Is Self-Gaslighting?

Gaslighting is a psychological manipulation tactic used by abusers to make someone question their own reality, memories, or perceptions. It’s their superpower, and they wield it with the grace of a villain in a bad soap opera.

But self-gaslighting? That’s when you take those same tactics and turn them against yourself. (Fun, right? Not.)

Now, let’s be clear: Self-gaslighting isn’t some kind of masochistic hobby—it’s a brilliant survival mechanism. If you grew up in an environment where your thoughts, emotions, or basic sense of reality were constantly invalidated, you probably learned to override your own truth just to get through the day.

Here’s what self-gaslighting can sound like:

• Minimizing the abuse – “It’s not that bad. They’re just stressed.”
• Blaming yourself – “If I were a better wife, he wouldn’t act this way.”
• Invalidating your emotions – “I shouldn’t feel this way. I’m overreacting.”
• Rationalizing toxic behavior – “He only yells because he cares.”
• Questioning your own perceptions – “Maybe I remembered that wrong.”

If you’ve ever convinced yourself that your pain “isn’t that big of a deal” or that your abuser’s actions are just “how they are,” you might be gaslighting yourself.

Why Do We Gaslight Ourselves?

If self-gaslighting is so awful, why do we do it? Because at some point, it protected us.

Seriously. Your brain didn’t just wake up one day and decide to betray you for fun. It learned that denying reality was safer than facing it.

• Maybe you grew up in a home where speaking up meant punishment, rejection, or emotional exile.
• Maybe you were raised in a religious or cultural system that told you your role was to submit, sacrifice, and never make a fuss.
• Maybe you learned that questioning reality meant losing security, love, or belonging.

So, your brain did what it had to do: It protected you by rewriting the truth. It told you that you were the problem, not the dysfunction around you.

And honestly? That was genius. That’s how you survived.

But here’s the catch: What once kept you safe is now the very thing keeping you stuck.

Breaking Free from Self-Gaslighting

So, how do you stop gaslighting yourself and step into truth? Here are four things you can start doing right now:

1. Start Writing Things Down

Abusers thrive on confusion. (It’s their cardio.) Keeping a journal of incidents, conversations, and emotions will help you see patterns and validate your experiences.

Next time you think, “Maybe I imagined that,” your trusty written record will be there, saying: “Nope, girl. Here’s what actually happened.”

2. Trust Your Feelings and Perceptions

Your emotions are not dramatic. They are not excessive. They are not wrong. If something feels off, it is off. Period.

Our bodies keep score—even when our brains dissociate. If your gut is sending you distress signals, believe it before you talk yourself out of reality again.

3. Surround Yourself with Truth-Tellers

Gaslighting thrives in isolation. (It’s basically mold.) Find a supportive community—whether it’s a trusted friend, a therapist, or a survivor education program like the Kaleidoscope, where people will remind you you’re not crazy.

The more you surround yourself with truth, the harder it will be to fall back into self-doubt.

4. Lean into Truth, Even When It’s Hard

Waking up to truth is equal parts liberating and terrifying. At first, it might feel like ripping off a Band-Aid…on a wound you didn’t realize was gushing blood.

But truth is also the foundation of healing. You don’t have to make massive life changes overnight. Just start by acknowledging what’s real—even if it’s messy, complicated, and makes you want to take a long nap.

Imagine a World Without Self-Gaslighting

Imagine waking up in a reality where no one tells you your emotions are “too much” or that you need to “just let it go.” Imagine living in a world where you actually trust yourself—where you know your thoughts, feelings, and perceptions are valid.

That world exists. It’s called truth.

And guess what? You’re allowed to live there.

To learn more about self-gaslighting, listen or watch this episode above where Diana and I get into the nitty gritty of all of this.

And…if you’re ready to step out of the fog and start replacing self-gaslighting with truth, we’ve got you. The Flying Free Kaleidoscope community is here to help you walk this journey alongside other Christian women who are done doubting themselves.

You don’t have to do this alone. Learn more at joinflyingfree.com and let us welcome you home, beautiful butterfly.