Ever feel like you’re losing your mind but everyone around you says you’re just too sensitive? Welcome to the club you never asked to join. In this episode, I sit down with Erin, a long-time member of the Flying Free Kaleidoscope community, who opens up about her raw and redemptive journey out of emotional and spiritual abuse. 

From marrying a man who knew his way around a Bible and a manipulation tactic (convenient, right?) to raising six kids in eight years while being told she was a “terrible housekeeper,” Erin did what so many Christian women are taught to do—sacrifice, submit, and smile. But eventually, she realized something crucial. God wasn’t calling her to be a martyr in her own marriage.

In this episode, you’ll hear:

• The subtle and not-so-subtle red flags Erin missed (like that “I wanted to kiss your sister” comment… um, what?)
• How spiritual gaslighting and weaponized Scripture kept her stuck
• The pivotal moment she knew she had to get out
• What helped her make her escape
• How the Flying Free Kaleidoscope and a few fierce new friendships helped her heal

We talk about the awkwardness of being told you’re abandoning your family when all you’re trying to do is not literally abandon your sanity. Erin’s story is heartbreaking but also full of hope.

So grab your tissues, maybe a pint of Ben and Jerry’s, and hit play. You’ll walk away feeling seen, heard, and a little more brave.

Related Resources:

• Do you like listening to survivor stories? We have more! Listen to Marie’s story, Laurie’s story, and Stacie’s story.

Article: How Erin Escaped an Emotionally Abusive Marriage—and Rebuilt Her Life

What does it look like to escape a covertly abusive Christian marriage, survive religious manipulation, and finally find peace?

It looks a lot like Erin’s story.

Erin is a woman just like many of you. She was a homeschooled Christian girl, raised in a sheltered environment, taught to submit, and to never question authority. Especially male authority. She believed in marriage at any cost. She believed it was her responsibility to make it work, no matter what.

And so she tried. For years.

She had six kids in eight years. She homeschooled. She cleaned, cooked, and collapsed from exhaustion. But nothing she did was ever enough. Her husband criticized everything. Her housekeeping, her parenting, even her value as a human being. And when Erin tried to stand up for herself? She was labeled “too emotional,” “too sensitive,” “disrespectful,” “rebellious.” The usual words abusive partners use to gaslight their targets into silence.

But that’s not where the story ends.

The Hidden Reality Behind Christian Marriages

Like many women in our community, Erin was gaslit not just by her husband, but by her church, her extended family, and Christian culture at large.

When her husband spit in her face, physically restrained her, berated her children, and even crossed frightening boundaries with her younger sister, he painted her as the problem.

When she begged for marriage counseling, he refused. And when they did attend a few sessions, it was with someone hand-picked by his abusive, pastor father. It was no surprise the counseling failed to help and only made things worse.

This is the double bind of religious abuse: When Erin spoke up, she was told to forgive. When she cried out, she was told to pray harder. And when she finally considered leaving, the voices around her whispered:

“God hates divorce.”
“You’re the one failing your family.”
“He’s a good man. A Christian man.”

But Erin had reached the end of herself. And that was the beginning of something beautiful.

Breaking the Cycle: Finding Clarity and Courage

It started with education.

Erin stumbled across my book Is It Me?: Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage, and she did what so many women have done. She went through every behavior checklist with a sinking heart. Her husband matched nearly all of them.

That was the moment she realized: It wasn’t her. She wasn’t crazy. She wasn’t broken. She wasn’t a failure.

She was being emotionally, spiritually, and psychologically abused.

That awakening led her to join the Flying Free Kaleidoscope program. She started reading the blog posts, listening to coaching calls, and going through the courses. And even though her brain still bounced between hope and fear, she started building the emotional muscles she’d need to take action.

She also began working with a domestic violence counselor. Someone who not only believed her, but gave her practical strategies and safety planning tools.

For the first time in years, Erin began to feel empowered.

From Planning to Freedom: The Escape

Armed with knowledge and support, Erin took small, strategic steps. She packed a “go bag.” She started documenting and copying important financial documents. She confided in trusted family members. She applied the principles from Gretchen Baskerville’s 90-Day Escape Plan, which she accessed through the Flying Free Kaleidoscope program.

And when the final breaking point came, she left.

Her body was breaking down. Her spirit was breaking down. Her faith was being twisted into a noose. So when her counselor told her, “You need to file for divorce,” she finally heard it, not as a failure, but as permission to live.

The Fallout: Navigating Guilt, Family, and Faith

Leaving didn’t magically make everything easy. It never does.

Her husband lied to their children. Told them she was abandoning the family. Claimed she was mentally ill. Accused her of withholding sex and refusing counseling despite the opposite being true.

Her youngest child refused to move in with her. Others distanced themselves.

But Erin stood firm. And over time, truth began to surface.

Her oldest son, once rebellious and emotionally wounded, came full circle. He apologized. He validated her truth. He even confronted his siblings to clear her name and shed light on the abuse. Today, he’s a cycle-breaker in his own family, getting therapy and raising his child differently.

That’s the power of one woman’s courage to walk away.

Healing and Rebuilding: The Flying Free Community

Erin didn’t stop at surviving. She began to heal.

Through the Kaleidoscope and later Flying Higher, she not only gained clarity but found her voice. She joined a small group with three other women in similar situations. That small circle turned into a sisterhood. They still meet regularly, support one another, attend the annual Butterfly Bootcamp, and celebrate milestones like divorce freedom and even remarriage.

It’s not just a recovery. It’s a resurrection.

When asked what helped the most, Erin doesn’t hesitate.

“The Flying Free Kaleidoscope saved my life. I needed the education, the validation, and the community. I needed someone to tell me I wasn’t crazy—that I was being abused. That it was real. That I could walk away and not lose God in the process.”

From Survivor to Cycle Breaker

Erin now lives with peace. She still has wounds, yes. But she also has wisdom, boundaries, and a deep knowing that she did what she had to do, not just for herself, but for her children and their children after them.

“It was the best worst decision I ever made,” she said of filing for divorce.

A decision forged in hell, but made in faith.Are you ready to embark on your own healing journey, just like Erin? Get started today HERE.