What happens when the man everyone admires is the one silently destroying your soul behind closed doors?

In this gripping episode, I sit down with Lisa: a strong, truth-telling woman who walked through 40 years of emotional and spiritual abuse in her marriage. From the trauma of date rape on her first date, to the covert spiritual manipulation in a seemingly “perfect” Christian home, Lisa vulnerably shares how she survived, how she healed, and how she’s now helping other women rise.

This episode is not just a story. It’s a reclamation.

Key Takeaways: 

• “You’re not crazy—he just told you that you were.” Lisa unpacks the slow unraveling of decades of covert abuse masked as devotion.
• How Christian culture kept her trapped in a narrative of self-blame, silence, and “submission.”
• The pivotal role of trauma-informed therapy, especially EMDR, in unlocking the truth and breaking the trauma bond.
• Lisa’s experience with betrayal by Christian counselors and the devastating weaponization of Scripture.
• Why she now calls it an escape—not a divorce.
• The healing power of boundaries, honest storytelling, and godly anger.
• What real love looks like after abuse—and yes, it can come at 66.

Related Resources:

• Want to listen to some more survivor stories? Check out Erin’s story and Marie’s story. 

Article: Escaping the Man Everyone Admired: Lisa’s Story of Courage and Clarity

I want to introduce you to someone who will likely remind you of…you. Or at least the part of you that stayed way too long in a marriage that looked perfect on the outside but slowly drained the life out of you on the inside. Her name is Lisa, and her story is your validation.

She was married for 40 years. Yes, you read that right. FORTY.

Let’s just pause there so we can properly bow in reverence to that kind of endurance. Not because we’re glorifying it—but because, holy gaslighting, that’s a long time to believe someone else’s version of you over your own. And Lisa did it while married to a man the whole Christian community admired. (Of course they did.)

But here’s the kicker: she knew something was off…on their first date.

Yeah.

As a college freshman with a movie-star-handsome senior on her arm, Lisa was date-raped. And for decades, she buried it, rationalized it, and later married him because purity culture taught her that marriage to her rapist could redeem the situation. 

It didn’t.

This trauma laid the foundation for a life spent in confusion, shame, and spiritual gaslighting wrapped up in a neatly tied “Proverbs 31 Wife” bow.

When Abuse Looks Like “Godly Leadership”

Lisa’s husband was never the guy who disappeared emotionally or physically. Nope, he was attentive. He would lob Proverbs 21:9 at her to silence her: “Better to live on the corner of a roof than with a quarrelsome wife.” After all, if she dared call out his abuse, she’d be the faucet drip from hell. 

But He’s So NICE!

Abusers like Lisa’s aren’t always punching holes in walls. Often, they’re pillars in their communities, attending mission trips and offering prayer in small groups while their wives are quietly bleeding out at home.

When Lisa confronted him 20 years later about the rape, he admitted it. Kind of. “Yeah, I always felt bad about that, but I thought you wanted it because of the guy you dated before me.”

Ah, yes. The logic of abusers: You were already broken, so I figured I could break you some more.

She tried all the things: crying, yelling, counseling, reasoning, church therapy (bless), and Christian marriage books that read more like step-by-step guides to erotic subjugation. (Yes, that’s a real term she discovered. And yes, it’s horrifyingly accurate.)

She was told by multiple people, including therapists, that her job was to submit harder, pray more, and make peace with her inner rageaholic.

Let’s take a moment to raise a sarcastic eyebrow in unison.

When the Therapist Actually Gets It

Eventually, Lisa found a therapist who didn’t minimize her anger or dismiss her trauma. This woman didn’t label things prematurely, but gently led Lisa to recognize her emotional abuse, trauma bonding, and (gasp!) the possibility that the marriage itself was the source of her suffering.

One key moment? Lisa was tasked with listing everything her husband had done to cause her pain. What poured out were single-spaced pages drenched in truth, and finally, tears. Emotional affairs. Financial control. Sexual coercion. Gaslighting. Shame.

In that moment, Lisa saw it. Her marriage hadn’t just been hard. It had been soul-crushing.

The Escape Plan (No, Not “Just Leaving”)

Lisa didn’t “just leave.” She escaped. While her husband was off performing a wedding (of course), Lisa moved out. Her lawyer advised it—because if he showed up, he could legally reverse the move. Let that sink in.

She left a mansion, global travel, and her “perfect Christian woman” reputation behind. In exchange? A basement apartment, minimum wage, and a shot at sanity.

Oh, and the Christian community? They circled the wagons around the man of God. Her adult kids were confused. Friends vanished. Church leaders offered platitudes and sideways glances.

Lisa was no longer the adored ministry wife. She was the cautionary tale. But she preferred the role of survivor.

What Finally Worked

She invested in trauma therapy. She joined Flying Higher (shameless plug, but let’s be real: this program is a lifeline). She read everything. Listened to podcasts. Devoured books. She didn’t stop growing, and she isn’t done yet.

Today, Lisa is remarried to a man who prays for her during interviews and doesn’t see her as a problem to manage but as a human to cherish. Her ex? Still fooling people, still leading. But she sleeps well at night knowing she’s no longer in his fraudulent vortex.

Final Words of Wisdom from Lisa

• “You don’t owe God your life if your husband is trying to destroy it.”
• “There’s no such thing as a three-way vow in the Bible. Abusers break their vows every day—stop blaming yourself for leaving.”
• “Don’t trust Christian celebrity culture to validate your pain. Trust your body. Trust your gut. Trust the bleeding.”
• “Healing isn’t just possible. It’s inevitable if you don’t quit.”

Oh, and her favorite line to other survivors?

“I’m not a certified coach or therapist, but I can show you what seven years out looks like if you’re willing to do the work.”

Let’s all print that out and tape it to our bathroom mirrors.

Listen to or watch her full interview above.