What happens when you grow up in hyper-conservative church culture, marry your Bible camp sweetheart at 20, and then spend decades swimming in a poisoned pond of patriarchy, affairs, gaslighting, and spiritual abuse? Jennie’s story is a real look at what it takes to finally climb out of the muck and into fresh water.

If you’ve ever wondered, “Is it me? Or is this whole thing just completely bonkers?” then pull up a chair. Jennie’s journey from silent suffering to empowered freedom will resonate with every woman who’s ever been told to “submit more, pray harder, and wear longer skirts” while her husband runs wild and gets a pat on the back from church elders.

What You’ll Learn in This Episode: 

• How a “perfect Christian marriage” turned into decades of betrayal and control.
• The role toxic church teachings played in keeping Jennie (and her kids) trapped.
• Why standing up for her daughter was the unexpected turning point that led Jennie toward freedom.
• The difference between swimming in poisoned pond water and finally breathing fresh air.
• How Flying Free gave Jennie the tools, words, and community she needed to rewire her brain and rebuild her life.
• The power of “just the next step” (because I hate to break it to you, but God doesn’t hand out the whole escape plan on a silver platter).

Related Resources:

• Some other survivor stories to give you hope: “Military Marriage Abuse: Elizabeth’s Story,” and “Escaping the Man Everyone Admired: Lisa’s Story.”

Article: Out of the Poisoned Pond: Jennie’s Story of Freedom

You know how they say a fish doesn’t know water until it’s flopping around on the dock gasping for air? That’s pretty much what it feels like to grow up swimming in the poisoned pond of patriarchy and religious abuse. You’re swimming along, minding your own business, wearing your floor-length denim skirt and making casseroles for the church potluck, and you don’t even realize you’re drowning.

Jennie sure didn’t.

When she first married her high school sweetheart at age twenty, everything looked picture-perfect. Christian poster couple material. Met at Bible camp. Played Pinochle at church on Sunday nights. Surrounded by conservative community and “godly” leaders. Basically the dream life every evangelical mom prayed her daughter would have.

And then, one year in, her husband fell in love with another woman.

Yes, not just a one-night stand, but the full soap opera deal. And while Jennie was heartbroken, the church? Crickets. The people who knew just… looked the other way. Because apparently, it’s easier to ignore adultery than deal with it. It’s the same old script: the husband strays, the wife suffers in silence, and the community pats everyone on the head and pretends it never happened.

That was just the beginning.

Christian Marriage Abuse Disguised as “Biblical Headship”

Jennie did what so many of us good Christian wives are trained to do: blame herself and try harder. More prayer. More submission. More homemade bread. She got sucked deeper into hyper-conservative teachings, convinced that if she just checked all the boxes, her husband would miraculously stop cheating and turn into the godly leader she signed up for.

He didn’t. Instead, he doubled down on control. Jennie was demoted to “oldest child” status in the home: no decisions, no autonomy, just obedience. Her daughters weren’t allowed to work outside the home. Her kids had to fork over 50% of their income to him. And he was the one deciding whether Jennie was sick enough to go to the hospital after her sixth miscarriage. (She was septic. She almost died. But hey, he was the “head of the home,” right?)

Meanwhile, Mr. Patriarch couldn’t be bothered to call his wife while traveling overseas “for work,” but he always had time for affairs, porn, and collecting whiskey bottles. Because priorities.

Gaslighting and Spiritual Abuse in Religious Patriarchy

The abuse wasn’t just emotional and financial, it was spiritual. He told Jennie that God said she wasn’t allowed to take a Christian counseling course because she might “receive too much comfort.” (Heaven forbid a woman feel comforted in Christ, right?) He stopped reading his Bible, claiming God told him he didn’t have to until Jennie repented. And when his empire of control started crumbling, he pulled out the ultimate fear tactic: threatening with guns.

Jennie, like so many of us, thought she needed the elders’ permission to remove weapons from her home. Can we just pause here and let the absurdity sink in? You don’t need permission to keep your children alive. But when you’ve been groomed to believe you’re a child yourself, you don’t know that yet.

Escaping Religious Patriarchy: The Turning Point

Jennie didn’t “decide” one day to get divorced. It was more like a long, terrifying walk across a frozen pond, one tiny step at a time. And the step that cracked everything open? Advocating for her 25-year-old daughter to get a job.

That’s it. That was the moment.

Her daughter announced she was taking a job, and Dad, aka King Patriarchy, threw a toddler tantrum, stormed out, and got drunk. Jennie realized that if she could stand up for her daughter, maybe, just maybe, she could stand up for herself too.

When Churches Protect Abusers Instead of Victims

Leaving wasn’t quick. It wasn’t easy. And the church didn’t make it better. In fact, they made it worse. They literally circled her children around their father and asked them if they were afraid of him. (Imagine being six years old and having to say “yes” with your abuser standing right there. That’s not ministry. That’s trauma.)

The church didn’t excommunicate her, but they punished her kids by removing them from nursery work and piano playing. Because apparently, that is what righteous discipline looks like.

Here’s the truth: Jennie wasn’t just leaving an abusive marriage. She was leaving a cult. And cult deprogramming doesn’t happen overnight. It takes years of untangling lies, grieving losses, and learning to breathe fresh air again.

Healing After Divorce and Finding Freedom

Today, Jennie is seven years out. She has ten children, seventeen grandchildren, and zero desire to go back to the poison pond. She’s built a business she loves. She’s recreated holidays with her kids. And most importantly, she has peace.

Was it terrifying? Yes. Did it cost her everything? Pretty much. Was it worth it? Absolutely.

Her advice to you, the woman folding laundry while secretly dreaming of freedom, the mom teaching homeschool while wondering if she’ll ever taste joy again, is this: just take the next step.

Don’t think about the whole divorce. Don’t think about where you’ll be in five years. Just take the one step you know you can take today.

That step might be calling a friend. It might be reading a book. It might be whispering to yourself, “This isn’t normal.” And maybe one day, it will be packing a bag. But whatever it is, just do the next thing.

Because that next thing? That’s your ticket onto the train. And when it’s time to board, God will hand you the grace you need, right on time.

Join me inside Flying Free, my online membership program for Christian women in emotionally abusive marriages. That could be your next step toward freedom. 

XOXO,

Natalie