It’s time to talk about the two kinds of people in this world: the seekers and the stuck.

In this episode, I dive deep into the real reasons why some lives transform after abuse while others continue to feel stuck.

We’re unpacking:

• Why healing is not about labeling your abuser a narcissist and calling it a day 
• How to know when you’re ready to move from survivor to thriver.
• What your philosophy of life has to do with your emotional garden.
• Why reading one more Instagram post about toxic people isn’t going to transform your life.
• And how your anger might just be the spark that gets you out of the cage.

Related Resources:

• Listen to my book, All the Scary Little Gods, for FREE!
• Liked this episode? Then check out these two other Flying Free episodes, “An Emotional Recovery Tool That Changes Everything” and “How Pretending and Fear Keep You Stuck in Abuse Cycles.”

Article: Why Do Some Christian Women Heal While Others Stay Stuck in Abuse?

Where do you want to be one year from today?

Still binge-scrolling trauma posts, trying to get your emotionally comatose husband to make eye contact? Still rehearsing the same vent sessions with friends who nod but secretly wish you’d talk about literally anything else?

Or will you be someone who barely recognizes the woman you used to be because you decided to do the gut-wrenching, glorious work of changing your life?

Friend, the fork in that road doesn’t come down to trauma severity, savings accounts, or how many therapy sessions you’ve had. It boils down to something deceptively simple:

What’s your life philosophy?

Because that, not your circumstances, is the difference between being internally stuck or internally free.

What’s Growing in the Garden of Your Life?

Imagine your life is a garden. 

Some women got Miracle-Gro soil and a cheer squad. Others inherited scorched earth, complete with sabotage, toxic waste, and spiritual leaders wielding weed killer in Jesus’ name. (Bless.)

But no matter where we started, everyone gets the same four ingredients: sunshine, rain, seeds, and weeds

The question isn’t whether you got rained on or had weeds. We all did. The question is: what are you going to do with what you’ve got?

Are You a Seeker or Are You Stuck?

Let’s define the players.

The seeker eventually says, “This wasn’t my fault, but it is my garden now.” She knows she can’t control the weather, but she can choose what to plant, and what story to write with her life.

The stuck, on the other hand, is still staring at the mess. She’s caught in the cycle of studying the destruction. She might be emotionally paralyzed, waiting for someone else to do the work of restoration. But the cavalry’s not coming.

And guess what? That’s okay… until it isn’t.

At some point, we stop asking, “Why is this happening to me?” and start asking, “What am I going to do about it?”

Is “Narcissist” the New Buzzword Keeping You Stuck?

Let’s go there.

Yes, narcissistic abuse is real. Yes, we need language for what happened to us. Yes, I wrote a whole book about it (psst: All the Scary Little Gods is now free on audio, you’re welcome).

But here’s what I see happening: People get stuck in the narcissist rabbit hole, endlessly consuming content about what’s wrong with them instead of learning how to heal you.

That would be like spending all your time studying garden pests while your actual garden is dying of neglect.

Validation is necessary, but it’s not transformation.

Is Your Cage Familiar, But Still a Cage?

Picture this: You’ve been living in a tiny, soul-suffocating cage for years. It’s awful, yes, but you’ve memorized every rusty bar. You’ve even made it “homey.” Cute.

Then one day, someone points out: “Hey, the door’s been open this whole time.”

Gulp.

Walking out means discomfort. Change. New skills. New stories. New ways of thinking. And your brain? She’s like, “Nope. Let’s just stay here. It’s…cozy-ish.”

But guess what? Staying in the cage is still a choice. One that’s slowly killing you.

Is Staying the Same Really Safer Than Growing?

Growth is uncomfortable. (So is your life right now, let’s be honest.)

So here’s what seekers do differently:

• They ask: What is this teaching me?
• They focus on what they can control. Mainly themselves.
• They stop waiting for others to “get it” and start getting themselves.
• They take action,even when it’s messy, scary, or awkward.

They pick up new tools. They read hard books. They find mentors. They surround themselves with women who are building something beautiful, even from charred ruins.

Are You Still in Survival Mode, and Should You Be?

If you’re still in an actively abusive situation, listen to me carefully:

Your job is not growth right now. Your job is survival.

You cannot tend a garden while someone is still trampling through it. Safety is your first priority. Healing and empowerment come after that.

No shame. No rush. No pressure.

But when you are ready to move, you’ll know. You’ll feel the anger. You’ll feel the ache to stop being defined by the damage. You’ll look around at the wreckage and think: “This? This is not how my story ends.”

What Kind of Garden Do You Want to Grow?

Serious question: If you keep doing what you’re doing — same patterns, same conversations, same social media rabbit holes — what will your life look like next year?

If that mental picture makes you want to scream into a decorative pillow, it’s time to change your philosophy.

Because transformation doesn’t start with action. It starts with belief.

It starts with trading this: “Life happens to me. I’m powerless.”

For this: “I’m the gardener now. I get to choose what I grow.”

Are You Willing to Take Back the Pen and Write a New Chapter?

You don’t need anyone’s permission to start healing.

You don’t need your abuser’s apology to reclaim your power.

You don’t need to keep explaining your soil conditions to every passerby.

You can pick up a new seed today, right now, and plant something no one can steal from you.

Because healing doesn’t mean pretending it didn’t happen. It means choosing to write the next chapter yourself.

And guess what?

You’re the only one who can.

Ready to Stop Surviving and Start Thriving?

If this is hitting you in the Holy Spirit feels, and you’re thinking, “Okay, okay, I’m ready-ish”… I’ve got a place for you.

Flying Free is for Christian women still in or recovering from emotionally abusive relationships. We help you get clarity, validate your experience, and support you in those crucial early steps.

Flying Higher is for women who’ve left and are ready to move from survival to personal empowerment and joy.

Both programs meet you exactly where you are, with zero pressure to be anywhere else.

You weren’t created to be silent. You weren’t created to be a prop in someone else’s ego drama.

You were created to fly free, and when you’re ready, I’ll be right here to help you do just that.

Until then, go pull some weeds. Your garden’s waiting. 

XOXO,

Natalie