Imagine a mother who stares at her baby.. She won’t smile. Won’t look it in the eye. Doesn’t react when it holds its arms out to be held. Refuses to comfort it when it cries. The baby screams and sobs. The mother won’t move.

Now multiply that cruelty across each thousands of days. Switch the mother for a husband. Change the baby to a wife.

Other people may throw out the “But does he hit you?” strawman (only extremes, only obvious physical, qualifiable harm counts as abuse). But that baby knows better. You know better. Your desolate heart knows better.

The most devastating hurts don’t show on the outside.

As terrible as being married to an abuser is, there’s something worse.

It’s getting free from your abuser, then getting remarried to another one.

For a lot of survivors, that’s their worst fear.

Can they trust themselves to identify red flags when they were taught to dismiss them for so long? Will they be able to see past the bullcrap if a potential suitor is slick and smooth but a turd of a guy underneath the facade? How can they be sure they’re choosing a safe, truly good person, not a Dr. Jekyll / Mr. Hyde?

I know that fear all too well. And I trust myself to choose good people now. (I did; I’m remarried to one.) I’ve also taught hundreds upon hundreds of women how to spot red flags in relationships.

By the time you listen to this episode, you’ll know whether your Christian dating relationship (or any dating relationship) is toxic.