Why do your kids act like little angels at their dad’s house and then transform into rabid raccoons the moment they step foot into your kitchen? No, it’s not because you’re failing as a mom (although that voice in your head might say otherwise). 

It’s because YOU are the safe one. 

In this episode, we unpack all of it: the chaos, the trauma, the meltdowns, and the sacred role you play in raising kids who actually make it out of this mess OK.

I sat down with Diana, Loretta, and Charlotte, three divorced Christian mamas who’ve done the hard work of parenting through PTSD, manipulation, religious confusion, and all the weird stuff your kids’ dad tries to pull post-divorce. 

We Talk About:

• Why your kids hold it together at Dad’s house and come unglued at yours (hint: it’s not about “respect”)
• What Polyvagal Theory has to do with your kid whacking you in the head with a Richard Scarry book
• Why “big behavior” ≠ “bad kid”
• How Christian parenting culture gets trauma so wrong
• What to say (and what NOT to say) when your kid reports their dad’s latest antics
  Why curiosity > control when it comes to parenting
• Practical boundaries that protect your kids AND your sanity
• Reframing fear and people-pleasing
• The long game of parenting: trust, patience, and letting your kids learn to think for themselves

Related Resources:

• Flying Higher (https://joinflyinghigher.com) is my live mentorship program for Christian women pursuing increased confidence, emotional management, relational health and empowered self-development.
• Feel like a hot mess after divorce? This 5-Day Workshop will teach you a mind-shift tool to help you learn a powerful way to manage your thoughts and emotions in order to navigate adult decisions with clarity and peace. 
• Check out Diana’s website and explore some resources, listen to her podcast, The Renew Your Mind Podcast, and finally, connect with her on Facebook and Instagram.
• Contact Loretta at [email protected]

Article: Why Your Kids Fall Apart With You (And What That Actually Means About You as a Mom)

You know the moment. You pick your kids up from your ex’s house and he’s all smiles, pretending to be Father of the Year, and they’re… eerily quiet. But by the time you’ve pulled into the driveway, someone’s wailing over a sock, someone else is screaming at their sibling, and you’re googling “Can moms legally move across the world without telling anyone?”

Sound familiar?

Here’s the truth: they fall apart with you because you are the safe one.

I sat down with three divorced Christian women — Diana, Charlotte, and Loretta — to talk about exactly that: why our kids melt down in our presence, how we can respond without losing our ever-loving minds, and how we raise emotionally resilient humans even while our own hearts are still duct-taped together.

Could Meltdowns Be a Sign You’re Actually Crushing It as a Mom?

It feels counterintuitive, right? If your child is yelling at you like you’re the spawn of Satan, it’s hard to believe that it’s because they trust you. But here’s the deal: kids who feel emotionally unsafe don’t show emotions. They mask. They perform. They walk on eggshells.

Diana put it best: “Your kids might behave at their dad’s house, but that doesn’t mean they’re thriving. It just means they’re surviving.”

When they get to your house, the pressure finally releases. It’s like popping the emotional champagne bottle. Except instead of bubbles, it’s tears, rage, and slammed doors. Congratulations, your home is their soft landing.

What If Their Behavior Isn’t ‘Bad’… But Just Trauma Talking?

Charlotte, who is basically the Polyvagal Theory whisperer, shared how her youngest would spiral into violent meltdowns after visits with dad. We’re talking unbuckling himself in the car and whacking her with a Richard Scarry book mid-drive (yes, really). But learning about how trauma impacts the nervous system helped her shift from “What is WRONG with you?!” to “What HAPPENED to you?”

She didn’t excuse the behavior. She understood it. That’s a game-changer.

Instead of viewing her child as disobedient or sinful (thanks, Evangelical programming), she began to see his outbursts as the cries of a dysregulated nervous system. “They’re not wretched little sinners,” Charlotte said. “They’re just hurting human beings who don’t have the tools yet.”

And guess what? That shift allowed her to become the calm in their storm. Not every time. Not perfectly. But enough to change the whole trajectory of their relationship.

Are Teens Just Little Tornadoes in Bigger Bodies?

Now if you think toddlers are intense, let’s talk teenagers, shall we?

Loretta, mama to four boys aged 10 to 16 at the time of her divorce, painted the most chef’s kiss picture of what older kids go through. Her teens didn’t explode the minute they came home. Oh no, they’d simmer. Brood. Stew in their own hormone-and-gaslit-theology soup. And then, days later, she’d get hit upside the head with accusations like: “You’re not parenting right!” or “You’re sending my brother to hell!”

Yep. That happened.

But Loretta, wise woman that she is, learned how to reframe those moments. Instead of freaking out or getting defensive (like, say, when the actual police showed up because her kid was yelling into Fortnite with the window open), she started responding with curiosity.

“What do you think I should do?” she’d ask. “Do you want him to move back in here? Do you want us to get remarried?” And suddenly, the conversation would shift. Because kids don’t want control, they want connection. They want someone who can handle their truth without flinching.

How Do You Talk to Your Kids About Their Dad’s Behavior Without Losing Your Soul (or Your Court Case)?

Here’s the million-dollar question: What do you say when your kids unload about what happened at dad’s house?

Diana keeps it grounded and gracious. “Your dad’s just being your dad,” she tells her kids. “We’re all figuring out how to be human. Sometimes we come from health, sometimes from brokenness.”

Isn’t that such a breath of fresh air? No smear campaigns, no lying, just honest acknowledgment of reality. It teaches our kids emotional responsibility and the power of personal agency.

Charlotte shared how her kids would parrot back wild stories: “Dad says you’re the abuser.” “Dad says you tricked us.” But instead of unraveling, she’d gently say things like, “Hmm, that’s different from how I remember it,” or “Why do you think he said that?”

And here’s the kicker: her kids figured it out on their own.

They spotted the manipulation. They started to trust their instincts. One even said, after being bribed with candy and an empty bedroom to stay overnight, “You know who uses candy like that? Pedophiles and kidnappers.”

That’s called critical thinking. And that’s what happens when we stop preaching and start asking.

What If Boundaries Are Your Secret Parenting Superpower?

Let’s redefine boundaries, shall we? They’re not rules for other people. They’re promises to yourself.

Here are the boundaries we talked about on the episode:

• Your reactions: You don’t take your child’s meltdown as a personal failure.
• Your truth-telling: When your kids are told lies, you ground them in love and reality.
• Your predictability: You create structure in your home. Sunday pancakes, bedtime hugs. Rituals are safe.
• Your respect: You let your kids have a voice, even if they don’t get their way.
• Your emotional filter: You don’t overshare your financial or legal mess. That’s what girlfriends and therapists are for.
• Your limits: You can love your child AND say, “I won’t let you scream in my face.”

Because love without boundaries isn’t love. It’s codependency.

How Do You Take Care of Yourself When Everyone Needs a Piece of You?

Loretta stacked habits like a boss. Podcasts in the car. Workouts while her son trained. Laughing when the cops showed up (again). She learned to recognize the signs of burnout in her body (tight chest, clenched jaw, racing thoughts) and respond with compassion, not shame.

Diana nailed it: “Self-care isn’t selfish. It’s sacred stewardship.” Boom.

And I’ll add this: If you want your kids to learn how to regulate, you’ve got to model it. That means taking breaks. Saying no. Getting the massage. Going for the walk. Telling your kids, “I love you, and I need five minutes so I don’t implode.”

They’ll watch you. And they’ll learn.

What’s the Bottom Line in All of This?

Raising kids in the wake of emotional abuse, spiritual trauma, and high-conflict co-parenting is not for the faint of heart. But you are not faint. You are a mama bear with battle scars and holy ground under your feet.

And with the help of women like Diana, Charlotte, and Loretta, you don’t have to figure it out alone. We’re in this together.

So if you’re ready to grow into the mom (and woman) you were always meant to be, come join us inside Flying Higher. We’ve got the tools, the strategies, the education, and the support to take you into the next version of YOU. 

XOXO,

Natalie