Hey, beautiful butterfly. Let’s talk about something that’s been stirring in my heart lately—belonging. Because if we’re honest, a lot of us don’t feel like we belong anywhere. And that ache? That deep, gnawing loneliness? It’s real. But what if I told you that belonging might not be what you think it is?
The Old Model: Believe, Behave, Belong
For centuries, the traditional model of faith has looked something like this:
- Believe—You adopt a set of doctrines. You say, “Yes, I believe in these tenets.” Whether it’s about Jesus, the virgin birth, or, let’s be honest, wearing pantyhose to church.
- Behave—Your beliefs shape your actions. If you believe women must cover their heads, you wear a head covering. If you believe divorce is sinful, you judge others (and yourself) accordingly.
- Belong—After you’ve proven yourself through belief and behavior, you gain acceptance into the group.
Sound familiar? This model has shaped so many of our religious experiences. But here’s the thing: It’s shifting.
The New Reality: Belong, Behave, Believe
People aren’t starting with belief anymore. They’re starting with belonging. Instead of asking, “What do I believe?” they’re asking, “Where do I feel seen and safe?” Once they find that space, they naturally begin to adopt the behaviors of the group. And over time, those experiences shape their beliefs.
This shift is unsettling for those who grew up in rigid religious systems. But it’s also freeing. Because for those of us who’ve been cast out of our churches, families, and communities, this means something powerful: we can still belong—even if we no longer believe the same things we once did.
But What If I Don’t Belong Anywhere?
I hear you. A woman in my mentorship program, Flying Higher, said, “I don’t feel like I belong anywhere.” And oh, did that hit home.
I get it. I’ve been excommunicated. I’ve lost friends. My own family has shut me out. By all traditional measures, I should feel like I don’t belong anywhere. But here’s the shift that changed everything for me:
I do belong—because I belong to myself. I belong to God. I belong in every space I inhabit simply because I exist. And you do too.
The Truth About Belonging
Belonging isn’t about fitting into a group’s mold. It’s about knowing, deep in your bones, that you are here on purpose. You don’t need external validation to prove your worth.
Imagine the world as a vast sky filled with birds (or butterflies, if you prefer). Some are soaring freely. Others are huddled in cages, convinced they must stay inside to be safe. Many of us were born into cages. Some of us flew out but got scared and sought another cage.
Here’s the thing: you can fly free.
And yet, even if you choose a cage for now—because it feels safer, because it’s what you know—God still loves you. He doesn’t love the free birds more. He doesn’t scorn the caged ones. He just is. Loving. Present. Waiting.
How to Rewrite Your Story
If you’ve been feeling like you don’t belong, I want you to consider a different narrative:
- What if you belong everywhere simply because you are here?
- What if your worth isn’t determined by a church vote, a family’s rejection, or a community’s judgment?
- What if your belonging isn’t about others accepting you—but about you accepting yourself?
You Are Free
The world’s cages—religious rules, rigid doctrines, toxic communities—will one day crumble. But your soul? Your essence? That’s eternal. And it was never meant to be confined.
So, dear one, whether you are Flying Free or still clinging to the bars of a familiar cage, hear this: You belong. You are loved. And you are free.
Now, the choice is yours. Stay in the cage, or stretch your wings and take that first terrifying, exhilarating leap into the sky.
I’ll be there, flying alongside you.
—Natalie
P.S. Would you like to learn how to do this with me and other Christian women like you? You belong with us! Learn more HERE!
