Boundaries Archives

Is Teaching Boundaries Victim Blaming? [Episode 264]

February 27, 2024

Is teaching survivors how to have boundaries the equivalent of victim blaming? I’ve seen this topic come up again and again, and I thought it was time I stated what I believe about it. The bottom line is that I believe that boundaries is an essential tool in a survivor’s toolbox. I also believe abuse is never, ever the survivor’s fault. Those two beliefs can go hand in hand nicely, and I’m going to show you how.

Join me as I explain my stance, why it’s important, and what McDonald’s burgers and fries have to do with the whole sordid affair.

Seven Predictable Things Your Emotional Abuser Does When You Set Boundaries

7 Things Your Emotionally Abusive Husband Does When You Set Boundaries

May 8, 2022

There is a predictable pattern of behavior your emotional and spiritual abuser will follow when you set healthy boundaries. When you know what to expect, you’ll be able to hold steady in the middle of the kickback.

How Will I Know When Enough Is Enough and I Can Walk Away? [Episode 158]

February 15, 2022

“He doesn’t even have to be kind. I just wish he wouldn’t make every waking moment a nightmare. What else can I do?” she said into the phone.

“I don’t know,” her sister said. “You’ve done counseling. And prayed. Asked pastors for help. Read books. Been quiet. Spoken up. Given more sex. You’ve borne the consequences of all his poor choices. You’ve pushed your health to the brink to serve him. For years.”

“But I haven’t fasted and prayed for a straight month,” she murmured.

“THIS IS INSANE. YOU ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR HIS BEHAVIOR!” her sister exploded.

“Yes,” she said.

It finally clicked. And in that moment, she knew.

“I have to separate.”

It was her “enough” moment. And she never looked back.

How Do I Make an Exit Plan? [Episode 136]

September 14, 2021

Getting out of an abusive marriage can seem impossible. Especially when it comes to the money aspect. As in…where will you get it? How will you reenter (or start in) the work force? How are you going to add MORE to your already overflowing plate?

And those emotions. The big ones that feel like a thick sludge up to your hips or a pile of wet blankets on top of you or a deep, aching hollow in your chest. How do you deal with those?

Dear one, it’s not easy, but it is simple.

I’ve traveled this way before—alone and with others. So let me share my road map.

What You Can Do When Your Christian Husband Bullies You Part Two [Episode 134]

August 31, 2021

Was there a day when you realized he was doing it all on purpose?

After all your tears, your pleading, and explanations, there was no way you could keep excusing his behavior.

His explanations didn’t fly.

You knew you didn’t hold the blame.

Maybe he finally, actually admitted it.

As painful as that realization is, it’s also your secret weapon—knowledge that can empower you.

Sound crazy? In Part 2 of 2, What You Can Do When Your Christian Husband Bullies You, I’ll prove it.

What You Can Do When Your Christian Husband Bullies You Part One [Episode 133]

August 24, 2021

You are married to a bully. If only he’d steal your lunch money or call you a dingus during math class and be done with it.

Instead, he makes everything into a torturous game with changing rules that benefit one person. Himself. On the really bad days, you want to learn karate and get featured on the evening news.

Take heart, sweet potato. There’s a better way.

I’ve graphed his sleazy points and made a road map for dealing with his shenanigans.

Fair warning: It’s gonna take guts but it will be well worth it. And you won’t even need karate.

Tag: Boundaries