Reconciliation is not a requirement. It’s the desired outcome, but it can only truly take place when four things have happened.
It’s like my husband spent our marriage throwing gasoline all over our home. Nobody could see it, but I could smell the fumes. They threatened to suffocate me. I knew that if I lit a match to illuminate the truth about the gasoline, I would burn our home down. I was warned, in so many words, never to light that match.
There are four ways to respond to emotional abuse. Which way is your usual style? Find out how you can change it up in order to experience more freedom and peace.
What if your desire to avoid hurting anyone is actually the reason you ARE hurting them? What if you’re actually hurting YOURSELF by living out this desire too?
Boundaries don’t hurt others, despite the loud voices that tell you otherwise. Healthy boundaries aren’t meant to control other people, ensure they think well of you, or make you into a prickly cactus no one can approach. They’re a way of living your truest self and your highest calling, while honoring the personhood of everyone around you.
You’ve been telling him for years how hurtful his behavior is. Literally begging him to stop. It’s like beating your head against a wall. You’ve reached your breaking point. Then he tosses out a question your heart longed to hear from the beginning:
“What can I do to fix this?”
Right at the end. Right before your feet hit the pavement. Right before you’ve given up.
When you’re in a spiritually abusive environment, you might worry that God will be displeased if you make a wrong move. Let’s dispel that myth.
In an emotionally abusive marriage, you need to set boundaries with your partner. Here’s what to do if you get accused of “tearing down your house.”
Abusive people almost always demand reconciliation with their victims. Why is that? What is their motivation? And do victims owe their abusers trust and relationship after having prior trust and relationship violated over and over again?
Pointing out cruel behavior is not abusive. Cruel behavior is abusive. And hiding it or pretending it doesn’t exist only perpetuates abuse. Abusive people count on others to be polite and keep their mouths shut.