Helping women of faith find hope and healing after emotional and spiritual abuse

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When the Queen Gets Rejected (A Story to Help You See Who You Really Are!)

by | Feb 12, 2019 | Articles, Emotional Abuse, Learning, Survivor Identity, Waking Up | 13 comments

She stepped off the shaded veranda into the hot, noisy chaos of the marketplace, shifting her basket a bit to balance more comfortably on her hip. She had an errand, and she energetically set out with a purposeful gait. This was one of her great pleasures in life—to distribute fruit and chocolates to the children, the mothers, and the old folks with their walking sticks. She brought bits of dried venison for the bony dogs weaving through merchant carts. Wherever she went, she was welcomed with smiles of joy and gratitude.

Wait a minute. That’s not quite true.

Some people actually scowled at her when she offered them a ripe peach. They sneered, “Who do you think you are? Walking around here like you’re somebody special. Are you trying to rub your wealth in our faces? So what if you’ve got fruit and chocolates to give away. You just want attention. You just want everyone to think you’re amazeballs. But you’re nothing but a stuck up, self-centered woman. You’re a fake. A fraud. We see right through you. If you really cared, you’d do what we want you to do. You’d give us better houses and clothes and food. You’d take responsibility for us. You’d obey us. You’d make us happy.”

They would not take her peach. They would spit on it, and she would sigh and walk away. She would not defend herself. She had an errand, so she continued on her way, spreading what joy and hope she could with the resources she had.

Because she was the queen. 

What about you? When you were a child, did someone communicate to you in some way that you were worth less than nothing? Were your efforts to love and be loved mocked and ridiculed? Did the man you married in your youth treat you like you were a piece of property? Worth something only when you were giving him sex, food, or kudos?

Did you lose sight of your True Identity?

Even a queen will be mistreated at times. Rejected at times. Through no fault of her own, but simply because she will inevitably come into contact with broken individuals as she goes about her business. That’s part of living in a broken world. But the queen will stay focused. It doesn’t matter if someone spits. She is the queen, regardless. She will go Home to her Father, regardless. She belongs. Regardless.

Jesus paved the way for us. Some will try to have you focus on your sin and your lack. But what if we focused on our King instead? He was the King of all the little kings of the universe. And they plucked out His beard and made fun of Him with a crown of thorns and killed as if He was a criminal. But He never, ever lost sight of Who He was. He knew at the end of the day where He would go. His crown was waiting for him to put back on, but the crown didn’t make Him the King.

And a crown doesn’t make you a queen. He makes you a queen, and nothing and nobody can pluck you out of His hands! (John 10:28)

So go into your day with purpose. And when you are spit on (not if, but when) do not defend yourself. You have an errand. Continue on your way, spreading what joy and hope you can with the resources you have.

Because you are a queen.

13 Comments

  1. wondering

    Hi Natalie
    I think I have always wondered, just how abusive does it have to be before its acceptable to end it. I realize at this point that there doesn’t have to be physical abuse for it to be abusive. But are fits of anger and yelling as a tactic to silence you and sabotage the conversation anytime you try toc confront things that need addressing, or refusing to work for long periods of time, not taking responsibility for behaviour, bullying ,etc enough? I have been married and divorced twice and both times the men used subtle bullying, intimidation, stonewalling, dismissive tactics, neglect and ignoring, etc to keep me down and put me in my place. Things were always switched around on me. I felt nuts and miserable and wanted out. Yet in the church it seems as if one is disobeying God if you leave for any other reason than extreme physical violence. or ongoing adultery.

    Reply
    • Natalie Hoffman

      This is something I address in great detail in my book. You can get the first three chapters free by signing up at the top of this website – and then if you feel that it would be helpful, you can purchase it on Amazon. I can give you the short answer here, but that’s not going to scratch your itch because emotional abuse is complex, and the spiritual component adds another complicated layer to the web. The short answer is that what you are describing is emotional and spiritual abuse, and yes, it is grounds for divorce because it is emotional abandonment of the spouse as well as breaking the covenant vows that were made to love, honor, and cherish. I’m sorry you have experienced this in previous marriages as well. Your best bet is to exit another marriage and then work on what you can do to heal and get strong inside yourself so that you no longer attract or are attracted by narcissist fools. I also recommend finding a church environment that focuses on Jesus Christ and the Gospel rather than works-based religion. (You have to be careful because many churches claim the former – but actually practice the latter.)

      Reply
  2. Trish Malcomess

    You are beautiful Natalie! Thank you for the encouragement.

    Reply
  3. Lisa

    I am a queen , I really loved that story. Thank you for the reminder

    Reply
  4. Susan

    Excellent Big Picture perspective! Love it!!

    Reply
  5. Ginny

    such a good timely and hopeful word, Natalie. thanks again!

    Reply
  6. Daecy Swenson

    Oh Natalie. You are so kind to love on us ladies as you do. Be blessed tonight ! ~ Darcy Swenson

    Reply
  7. Angelica

    Thank you sharing your journey with many of us. Thank you for the encouragement to believe there is better life than we have lived. I’m trging to get back on my feet after telling me husband I wanted the divorce, he took my two young children away from me (4 and 2 years old). He managed to get temporary full custody. I pray God to see my case. His lies can’t win the truth. I couldn’t live anymore in this bad marriage

    Reply
    • Natalie Hoffman

      Oh Angelica. I’m so sorry. I can’t imagine the fear and heartache you must be experiencing right now. Lord Jesus, set these children free and restore them to their mother. Protect them and keep them strong and safe in You. In Jesus Name, Amen.

      Reply
  8. Jessica

    Thanks you.

    Reply
  9. Tammie

    Thank you, Natalie. Needed to hear that today.

    Reply
  10. GK

    Awesome! It’s wonderful to be reminded with so many incidents that speak the opposite.

    Reply
  11. Marlene

    That was awesome! Arrived just at the right time !
    That is our Lord!!

    Reply

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