Rebuilding Archives

200th Episode Celebration: The State of the Christian Survivor and Advocate Community [Episode 200]

December 6, 2022

Is abuse more widespread than ever before or are we more aware of it? Are churches listening to the cries of abused women? Is anything getting better?

I’m joined by advocates Sarah McDugal, Ngina Otiende, and Gretchen Baskerville, and my former podcast sidekick Rachel Harden as we celebrate the 200th Flying Free podcast episode and discuss the incredible support and awareness that’s growing in the Christian survivor community.

We believe the tide is changing, and every single survivor is part of a growing wave of truth tellers, critical thinkers, and courageous voices.

How Many Years Does a Christian Wife Owe Her Abusive Husband? [Episode 199]

November 29, 2022

Would you play a card game with a cheater? Once maybe, right? Then, it’s a solid H-E-double-hockey-stick no.

What about for a month? A year? Five years? Twenty?

Would you tell your daughter to play with a cheater? Your best friend?

I’m gonna guess the answer is “abso-freaking-lutely not!”

So why do we think we “owe” a husband who has shown himself to be abusive any more of our precious time?

My Abusive Husband Says I’m Unbiblical Unless I Reconcile with Him [Episode 195]

November 1, 2022

“Unless you forgive and come back to me, you’re disobeying God and the Bible!”

If I were your abusive husband, I’d say the same thing. Why? Cause then I’d get what I want. Woohoo! Isn’t that what the Bible is all about?

Oh, begging your pardon. I was basing my opinion off how I see most church leaders and many legalistic Christians approach the Bible.

Which means that if you’re looking for advice on whether you should reconcile with your abusive husband — and what reconciliation really means — you’re going to get a whole charcuterie board of different answers. From biased people. Trying to interpret text that doesn’t give a full answer on… basically anything.

Consider this alternative: Ask a different question and provide your own answer.

Sound heretical? Then keep reading (and listening).

Confronting Religious Trauma and Reconstructing Faith: Interview with Dr. Tiffany Yecke Brooks [Episode 192]

October 11, 2022

“I’m going to be ninety-two next month, and I have waited my entire life for a book like this.”

A woman said this to Tiffany after she spoke to a Sunday School class about her book, “Gaslighted by God: Reconstructing a Disillusioned Faith.”

Many Christians are told their doubts are a sign they haven’t prayed or fasted enough. That their spiritual frustrations are an indication they’re backsliding. That they just don’t have enough faith.

Do you feel a sense of futility over ever measuring up as a Christian? Ever pleasing God? Ever nailing down the formula for blessing or meeting the mark for making yourself small enough?

Tiffany wrote “Gaslighted by God” to give a voice to the pain of devoted Christians whose faith is cracking under the abuse of legalism, who are desperately clinging to beliefs that are hurting them, and who need to know it’s not their fault.

Why Self-Leadership is More Effective Than Being Held Accountable [Episode 191]

October 4, 2022

How do you feel about accountability? Like it, love it, want some more of it?

Or maybe it’s like medicine to you — icky but necessary.

Hold on to your booty, cause I’ve got an opinion on it too.

I think it’s a made-up practice that got a “virtue” sticker slapped on it. I think it arrests our development into emotional adulthood. In fact, I’d say accountability does more harm than good.

And it can never match the power of internal motivation for true, lasting life change.

The Wife with Boundaries: Changing the Conversation on Biblical Submission [Episode 184]

August 16, 2022

Is there poison in your home?

No, I don’t mean rat poison or toxic chemicals or asbestos. It’s words. On pages. In a book. One that’s given as a wedding gift. When times are tough. When you’re desperate. When you’ve run out of ideas and options to help your marriage and somebody gives you 336 pages of “hope.”

The poison is the answer ringing from every page of this book. You were, as Debi Pearl puts it, “Created to Be His Help Meet.” And lots of women have gulped it down, me included.

Sounds nice, doesn’t it? Sweet. Simple. Godly.

Because double standards and coercive control and whitewashed tombs are biblical, right?

In this interview with Chelsea Wells, she and I discuss the poisonous messages of Debi Pearl’s book before we toss them in the shredder.

Category: Rebuilding