So you got divorced, and now you’re the scandal of the century in your tiny town (or tight church circle). You’re dodging judgmental glances in the grocery store and wondering if your prayer request just got broadcasted as Christian-sanctified gossip. Sound familiar? 

In this episode, I team up with my friend and fellow coach, Diana Swillinger, to talk about how to take your power back when your life becomes the talk of the neighborhood.

If you’re tired of feeling like your healing is public property and you’re ready to walk tall again, even while Sister So-and-So is side-eyeing you from the church pew, this one’s for you.

What You’ll Learn in This Episode: 

• Why small communities (and churches) make divorce extra spicy 
• How gossip can hijack your story, and how to stop handing it over
• Practical ways to reclaim your voice, dignity, and narrative
• How to respond to those “concerned” (ahem…nosy) comments
• What shame does to your soul and how to evict it for good
• Why protecting your story is wisdom, not paranoia
• Confidence tips to strut your stuff, even when your insides are spaghetti
• How to truly stop giving a flying fig about other people’s opinions

Related Resources:

• Flying Higher (https://joinflyinghigher.com) is my live mentorship program for Christian women pursuing increased confidence, emotional management, relational health and empowered self-development.
• Feel like a hot mess after divorce? This 5-Day Workshop will teach you a mind-shift tool to help you learn a powerful way to manage your thoughts and emotions in order to navigate adult decisions with clarity and peace. 
• Check out Diana’s website and explore some resources, listen to her podcast, The Renew Your Mind Podcast, and finally, connect with her on Facebook and Instagram.
• Listen to Amy Cuddy’s TED Talk and do some power poses.

Article: Small Town Gossip, Big Time Healing: How Do You Reclaim Your Voice After Divorce?

You know what’s more suffocating than Spanx at a Southern Baptist potluck? Small-town gossip. Especially when you’re freshly divorced, Christian, and still clutching the church bulletin in one hand while trying to hold your dignity in the other.

I see you.

Maybe you’re living in a quaint little town where everyone waves at each other from the porch… and then promptly texts Mildred the moment your wedding ring disappears. 

Or maybe your “small town” isn’t a physical place at all. It’s your church, homeschool co-op, or ministry circle where everyone’s “just concerned” and “praying for you.” 

Here’s the truth: Your healing is not public property.

Let’s talk about how to keep your head up and your peace intact when it feels like everyone else is playing telephone with it.

Why Does Gossip Cut So Deep?

Gossip doesn’t just sting, it stabs. Why? Because our brains are hardwired for connection. When people you once trusted, church friends, neighbors, the other PTA moms, start whispering half-truths or flat-out lies, your brain interprets it as rejection. Tribal exile, if you will. And in primitive times, being ousted from the tribe meant one thing: you die alone, probably eaten by wolves. 

Today? It means you’re stuck in the produce aisle trying to decide between kale or ice cream while pretending not to notice Sister Sharon glaring at you over the cantaloupes.

That betrayal hits hard. It makes you question everything:

• Am I the villain?
• Was it really that bad?
• Should I have tried harder?
• What if God agrees with them?

Cue the shame spiral.

Can You Really Take Your Power Back After Gossip?

Now let me be clear: this isn’t about “don’t let it bother you” fluff. That’s what people say when they don’t want to deal with the actual emotional carnage of being gossiped about. What I’m talking about is reclaiming your narrative, not for them, but for you.

Here’s what helps:

What If Their Gossip Isn’t Even True?

Just because someone is talking doesn’t mean they know what the hell they’re talking about. You know your story. You lived it. They’re just filling in the blanks with assumptions, projections, and a sprinkle of self-righteousness.

And remember, gossip says more about their character than it does about yours. Bless their hearts.

How Do You Respond When People Get Nosy?

You don’t owe anyone the scoop on your divorce.

Some go-to responses:

• “It’s been a hard season, but I’m moving forward.”
• “Thanks for asking, but I’d rather not talk about that.”
• Or my personal favorite: “You know what they say: Marriage takes two, but divorce takes a whole village of opinions.”

Humor works. So does silence. Especially when it’s followed by a raised eyebrow and a slow sip of coffee.

Who Actually Deserves to Hear Your Story?

Not everyone deserves VIP access to your life. Just because someone sits next to you in church or helped you move that one time doesn’t mean they’ve earned the right to your vulnerability.

Start small. Share a tidbit. See how it lands. Did it stay private? Did they respond with compassion? Or are you suddenly the subject of a passive-aggressive prayer request in the women’s ministry chat?

Your story is sacred. Treat it like it is.

How Does Shame Keep You Stuck?

Shame is the whisper that says, “You’re not enough. You’re unlovable. You’re broken.” And it’s often amplified by Christian culture that prizes “self-sacrifice” (read: silence, invisibility, and pretending everything’s fine when it’s clearly NOT).

Here’s the secret: Shame grows in the dark. So drag that sucker into the light.

Talk about it. Write it down. Tell God. Tell your coach. Tell your cat if that’s where you’re at. The point is, don’t let shame fester in isolation.

If your inner monologue sounds like “Something’s wrong with me,” try this instead:

• “Maybe that’s not true.”
• “What if I am enough?”
• “Who told me I had to be perfect, and why did I believe them?”

Baby steps, my friend. This is how you tear shame’s power limb from limb.

What If People Still Judge You?

Ahem. They will.

Your job isn’t to control what they think. Your job is to live aligned with your values, not their opinions.

Here’s a little exercise Diana and I love: Imagine everyone’s opinions are locked inside their own little thought bubbles. Those thoughts are theirs. You don’t have to carry them. You don’t have to react to them. You sure as heck don’t have to believe them.

Let them have their thoughts. You go have your life.

Can Body Language Help When You’re Feeling Shaky?

You don’t have to feel confident to look confident. And when you look confident, people treat you differently — which, surprise! — helps you start feeling confident.

Body language matters:

• Stand tall. Shoulders back. Chin up.
• Keep both feet planted.
• Make eye contact (briefly, not serial-killer style).
• Use open gestures.
• Take slow, deep breaths.

Bonus: Practice the “power pose” in the mirror. Yes, it’s awkward. Do it anyway. Your nervous system will thank you. So will your future self.

Is Focusing on Yourself Actually Selfish?

The biggest lie we’re told as Christian women? That focusing on yourself is selfish.

Nope.

Taking care of your emotional, spiritual, and physical well-being is your sacred responsibility. You can’t pour from an empty cup, and you certainly can’t set boundaries, process pain, or parent well when you’re running on resentment and Diet Coke.

So stop scrolling, stop snoozing your intuition, and ask yourself:

• What do I need today?
• What brings me peace?
• What makes me feel whole?

Then go do that.

Do You Really Need Everyone’s Approval to Be Okay?

The goal here isn’t to get your community to like you again. It’s to stop needing them to like you in the first place.

You can be misunderstood and still safe.
You can be disliked and still deeply loved.
You can disappoint people and still be a dang good human.

Once you get that, their whispers become background noise. And you? You become unstoppable.

So… Are You Ready to Rise?

Listen, healing in a fishbowl isn’t easy. But you’re not alone. Whether you’re in a one-stoplight town or a megachurch-sized suburb, the principles are the same:

Protect your peace. Tell your truth (selectively). Walk tall. And never let gossip steal your voice.

Because your story? It’s not theirs to tell. It’s yours to live.

If you want help doing that inner work, come hang out with us inside Flying Higher. We’re just a bunch of divorced Christian women who finally decided that living free was worth it.

And yes, you can sit with us.

And be sure to check out Diana’s podcast, Renew Your Mind, for weekly brain-rewiring magic!

XOXO,

Natalie