Survivor Identity Archives

What If I Had an Affair While I Was Married to My Abusive Husband [Episode 162]

March 15, 2022

Did you know that abuse has a bestie?

Its sneaky little friend is Shame. Shame is a talkative fellow but very dependable.

He hangs on your earlobes and yells:

“You’re not perfect, so you can’t point out your husband’s faults.”
“You yelled back, so you expect him to stop.”
“You pull away emotionally, so you can’t get angry when he stonewalls.”
“You hit him after he hit you, so you deserved it.”
“You found comfort in someone else’s arms, so you’re just as bad as him.”
“You have no right to expect better when you’re so screwed up.”

Shame keeps us bound and trapped, even long after a divorce.

So what should you do with these painful, tormenting thoughts?

It’s Normal to Be Sad When Losing an Emotionally Abusive Relationship

February 11, 2022

Most Christian women who get divorced are not glad it’s over. Divorce isn’t what they wanted. They are devastated for so many reasons. Here’s why, and here’s how we can ultimately heal from the deep grief of divorce.

Making Health and Fitness Easier for Survivors [Episode 151]

December 28, 2021

There’s a reason why people say all abuse is physical abuse. Emotional abuse is a double whammy, destroying your mind and your body.

Long after the abuse stops, you’re still dealing with the fallout.

It can feel like your body has failed you. Like you’re permanently broken. It can feel hopeless and frustrating.

So how do you regain your health and fitness in the aftermath of abuse?

Kylar has a unique approach, one of endless compassion, wisdom, and empathy. Because he’s been there too. And it works. Now he’s healthy and strong, from the inside out and helping others just like you.

Managing the Holiday Blues [Episode 148]

December 7, 2021

As the year ends, the darkness grows. Minute by minute.

Just before Christmas is the longest night of the year.

The holidays are celebrations of love and generosity and joy.

But they’re also bleak and painful to many — like women going through separation and divorce.

So how do you cling to the hope of coming light in your blackest hours?

How do you live with the dark as you wait for the dawn?

Here’s my story and what I’ve learned.

Changing Your Role (Chapter Eight of Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage) Part Two [Episode 147]

November 30, 2021

If you’re like me, you were set up for your abusive marriage in the name of love.

You thought people were teaching you godly womanhood and wisdom.

You thought following the rules meant you’d experience bliss and peace in marriage.

You thought you were honoring God by letting people harm you.

But you were really just betraying yourself and holding the doors open for your own destruction.

So if you’re ready to change your role, this is for you.

If you’re ready to experience real, lasting change, this is for you.

If you played the part and followed the rules and were the poster child for humility, long-suffering, and submission, but everything came crashing down anyway, THIS IS FOR YOU.

Dealing with Difficult People During the Holidays [Episode 145]

November 16, 2021

The holidays can make the hard things harder. The sad things, sadder. The family fights and frustrations and fractures, bigger and deeper and wider.

They often remind you of all you’ve lost and all you never had. Especially in relationships.

Maybe they used to be a time of excitement and joy, but now you only feel dread and loneliness and grief.

If you find yourself wishing you could sleep until January comes around, or your eyes well up whenever you imagine how miserable these “special” days will be, gather round.

This episode is a warm blanket snuggled around your shoulders, a mug of hot cocoa in your hands, and a sweet gift-wrapped dose of hope from me…to you.

Category: Survivor Identity