Won’t Abusers Get Away With Everything if We Believe God’s Love is Unconditional? [Episode 213]
March 7, 2023
Are we unconditionally loved by God or not? How you answer that question will play a role in how you live your life.
Are we unconditionally loved by God or not? How you answer that question will play a role in how you live your life.
Would you play a card game with a cheater? Once maybe, right? Then, it’s a solid H-E-double-hockey-stick no.
What about for a month? A year? Five years? Twenty?
Would you tell your daughter to play with a cheater? Your best friend?
I’m gonna guess the answer is “abso-freaking-lutely not!”
So why do we think we “owe” a husband who has shown himself to be abusive any more of our precious time?
“Unless you forgive and come back to me, you’re disobeying God and the Bible!”
If I were your abusive husband, I’d say the same thing. Why? Cause then I’d get what I want. Woohoo! Isn’t that what the Bible is all about?
Oh, begging your pardon. I was basing my opinion off how I see most church leaders and many legalistic Christians approach the Bible.
Which means that if you’re looking for advice on whether you should reconcile with your abusive husband — and what reconciliation really means — you’re going to get a whole charcuterie board of different answers. From biased people. Trying to interpret text that doesn’t give a full answer on… basically anything.
Consider this alternative: Ask a different question and provide your own answer.
Sound heretical? Then keep reading (and listening).
“You don’t know God,” the elder leaned forward and said to me. He knew I was preparing to divorce my emotionally abusive husband.
My body began to tremble. My voice shook.
I realized later that he was right. His god was vindictive and cruel, like a mythological Zeus.
The God I know — deeply, intimately, since I was a child — is gentle and kind and leads me away from fear and control.
That was the first church meeting I ever walked out of. And the last one I ever had with those elders.
It’s also when I realized that I could fly free. So can you.
“I’m going to be ninety-two next month, and I have waited my entire life for a book like this.”
A woman said this to Tiffany after she spoke to a Sunday School class about her book, “Gaslighted by God: Reconstructing a Disillusioned Faith.”
Many Christians are told their doubts are a sign they haven’t prayed or fasted enough. That their spiritual frustrations are an indication they’re backsliding. That they just don’t have enough faith.
Do you feel a sense of futility over ever measuring up as a Christian? Ever pleasing God? Ever nailing down the formula for blessing or meeting the mark for making yourself small enough?
Tiffany wrote “Gaslighted by God” to give a voice to the pain of devoted Christians whose faith is cracking under the abuse of legalism, who are desperately clinging to beliefs that are hurting them, and who need to know it’s not their fault.
“I don’t think I’ll ever heal from this,” she said. “You expect harm from people who only harm you. From him. Not the ones who know you, who grew up with you, who you went to church with.”
Do you know the pain of rejection by your family, friends, and church? I do. I’ve lost entire nights of sleep swimming in that pain. It’s mind-numbing. Excruciating.
A listener told me that after being rejected by her church and family, she felt like she was standing on an alien ship watching her home planet being blown up. Then she asked the questions you might be wondering too:
How do we survive such great loss? Is there any healing for grief that goes deeper than your bones? Hurts that nearly fracture your body?
Yes, dear one. But the truth is that as painful as the facts are, your hurt is increased 100 fold by the story you’re telling yourself about it. And the meaning you’re giving that story.
From one heart-weary woman to another, here’s the scoop on the most important story of your life..and the secret to changing it.
Because rejection hasn’t ended the good of your story. Not by a long shot.