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How You and Your Faith Community Got Hoodwinked by an Abuser [Episode 177]

June 28, 2022

Do you wonder how he did it?

How your abuser tricked you and blindfolded your church? How he just keeps coming out on top, despite all the evidence pointing to what a sick, twisted, evil person he is?

Abuse doesn’t happen in a vacuum. It always involves the community. In this case: the church.

Wade Mullen staked his Ph.D. on the study of the hidden tactics of abuse, especially spiritual abuse within religious communities.

What he found were patterns of behavior. The slow and steady set-up for abuse to become a system, a system to become a theology, and a theology to become god.

Imagine with me: A relationship within a community where all the red flags (manipulation, lying, criticism) are called green flags and all the green flags (truth-telling, boundaries, self-respect) are called red flags.

It’s the heist of the century. And it’s working all too well.

The ways emotional abusers don't take responsibility

Different Ways Emotional Abusers Don’t Take Responsibility for Their Behavior [Episode 169]

May 3, 2022

He wants to treat me better. He just doesn’t know how.

He says he’s sorry. He really hates how he acts.

He’s struggling. He can’t help it.

Do you have these thoughts about your husband?

Have these thoughts led to anything good? More peace? Change (on his part)? Hope that lasts? A better marriage? A never-ending bucket of fried chicken?

Didn’t think so.

I have some other thoughts to offer. You can take them or leave them. They might seem cynical and hopeless on the surface. But I believe they’re the means to all the things you’re hoping for…except one.

This episode comes with not one but two guarantees:

Adults have 100% control over their behavior. And you have a 0% chance of making someone grow or change when they don’t want to.

Was it Really That Bad? And Maybe He’ll Change?

April 1, 2022

Emotional abuse kills you one nibble at a time. It’s not like physical abuse where a big shark comes up behind you and chomps off your leg. No, emotional abuse is more like a gnat bite. You can barely see the little bugger until you feel the bite. Just a tiny bite. No big deal.

Ten Thoughts Confident Women Think When Their Husbands Act Like Jerks [Episode 159]

February 22, 2022

It’s a beautiful sight, isn’t it?

A grown man throwing a tantrum. Stomping around, calling you names, slamming doors.

Hits you right in the feels, eh?

Or maybe he’s the quiet type of mean. Stonewalling. Sleeping for days. Leaving for hours without warning.

However a husband’s jerky behavior manifests, most Christian wives are taught to respond the same ways:

Assume you’re the problem. Feel shame.
Assume you have to endure his behavior. Feel despair.
Assume you have to make his life work. Feel resentment.

For all these common feelings, I’ve got some uncommon alternatives. And they WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE. Which is a lot more attractive than a grown man acting like a two-year-old.

When You Lose Your Church Family

January 21, 2022

Have you suffered the debilitating loss of your church family? This can be a traumatic experience that takes a lifetime to process. Find out why, and how you can think about this in a way that empowers you to love more and experience peace in spite of the pain.

Changing Your Role (Chapter Eight of Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage) Part One [Episode 146]

November 23, 2021

Do you wonder why you feel so angry and defeated about the way your husband treats you?

It’s not cause you were a closet rage monster before you got married. It’s not cause you’re crazy or demanding or that you just love drama.

He’s been stomping in your flower beds.

And YOU’VE been told that you had to leave the garden gate open in order to be a good wife and a good Christian.

If you’ve been wondering “Is it me?” then let’s make sense of your confusing marriage in this two-part episode.

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