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Celebrating the Holidays When Life Is Blowing Up – Part Two [Episode 202]

December 20, 2022

The holiday season can be a very emotional time. While it’s festive and fun for many people, this time of the year isn’t necessarily a happy or carefree period for everyone. Last week, we answered some questions posed by our Flying Free community about how to get through the holidays when life feels like it’s falling apart. In fact, we received so many questions from the women in our program that we decided to make this into a two-part series. Tuning in today, you’ll receive some heartfelt advice for moving past holiday guilt and shame, standing your sacred ground despite nasty comments, navigating gift-giving in a way that aligns with your core values, and more. We also offer you some valuable tools and strategies, including questions to ask yourself to help you shift your thinking and show up with love and joy in the present moment. Join us for more tips about creating a space of peace amidst the chaos!

What Role Does Fear Play in Our Religion and Our Relationships? [Episode 194]

October 25, 2022

“You don’t know God,” the elder leaned forward and said to me. He knew I was preparing to divorce my emotionally abusive husband.

My body began to tremble. My voice shook.

I realized later that he was right. His god was vindictive and cruel, like a mythological Zeus.

The God I know — deeply, intimately, since I was a child — is gentle and kind and leads me away from fear and control.

That was the first church meeting I ever walked out of. And the last one I ever had with those elders.

It’s also when I realized that I could fly free. So can you.

The Wife with Boundaries: Changing the Conversation on Biblical Submission [Episode 184]

August 16, 2022

Is there poison in your home?

No, I don’t mean rat poison or toxic chemicals or asbestos. It’s words. On pages. In a book. One that’s given as a wedding gift. When times are tough. When you’re desperate. When you’ve run out of ideas and options to help your marriage and somebody gives you 336 pages of “hope.”

The poison is the answer ringing from every page of this book. You were, as Debi Pearl puts it, “Created to Be His Help Meet.” And lots of women have gulped it down, me included.

Sounds nice, doesn’t it? Sweet. Simple. Godly.

Because double standards and coercive control and whitewashed tombs are biblical, right?

In this interview with Chelsea Wells, she and I discuss the poisonous messages of Debi Pearl’s book before we toss them in the shredder.

I Don’t Want to Look Like a Bad Christian if I Leave My Abusive Marriage [Episode 175]

June 14, 2022

Abusers who leave a relationship are as rare as steak tartare.

In fact, waiting for an abuser to leave is similar to waiting for them to change.

Or asking for a hippopotamus for Christmas. Riding a unicorn. Losing weight on a cake-only diet.

Not likely.

If abusers are so unhappy with their victims, why don’t they leave first? Because staying fits within the point of abuse: to control you. And unless he’s discovered an excellent and easy alternative, you’re an endless supply for your emotional abuser’s selfishness.

On top of that, if you’re a Christian woman, he knows you take your vows seriously. He’s counting on you to stick it out, no matter what. He’s got “God” on his side.

Finally, when he mistreats you, like any sane person or hurt puppy, you react, and it ain’t pretty. You’re so ashamed of your behavior. He knows it. So instead of focusing on the harm he’s doing, you’re consumed by what a failure—a raging, bitter wretch of a person—you feel like. And you wonder: Am I the abuser?

You’re stuck between a boulder (an impossible, destructive marriage) and a hard place (your paralyzing beliefs).

What now?

What Does the Bible Say About Emotional Abuse? 18 Verses About Domestic Violence

May 9, 2022

Some conservative Christians teach that God puts women in abusive marriages so they can better glorify Him through their suffering. What kind of a god requires the suffering of women and children in order to be glorified?

Seven Predictable Things Your Emotional Abuser Does When You Set Boundaries

7 Things Your Emotionally Abusive Partner Does When You Set Boundaries

May 8, 2022

There is a predictable pattern of behavior your emotional and spiritual abuser will follow when you set healthy boundaries. When you know what to expect, you’ll be able to hold steady in the middle of the kickback.

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