Healing from Spiritual Abuse Archives

Will Divorce Ruin My Kids and Their Opportunities in Life? [Episode 187]

September 6, 2022

For women escaping emotionally abusive husbands, divorce often feels like a scarlet “A” on their chest. Or “D.” They wonder if they’ll be marked for life.

And worse, they fear how their kids will suffer the consequences.

First, because they lived in a home of chaos and pain and trauma. Second, because they’ll have to face the assumptions and judgment of other people.

A “broken” family. A single-parent household. “Sinful” parents. Not “true” Christians. Bad influences. The sort of mom and kids other people whisper about.

Is this your fear? Your reality? Then I’ve got great news and lots of it.

Why Being Rejected by Your Church and Family Hurts So Bad [Episode 186]

August 30, 2022

“I don’t think I’ll ever heal from this,” she said. “You expect harm from people who only harm you. From him. Not the ones who know you, who grew up with you, who you went to church with.”

Do you know the pain of rejection by your family, friends, and church? I do. I’ve lost entire nights of sleep swimming in that pain. It’s mind-numbing. Excruciating.

A listener told me that after being rejected by her church and family, she felt like she was standing on an alien ship watching her home planet being blown up. Then she asked the questions you might be wondering too:

How do we survive such great loss? Is there any healing for grief that goes deeper than your bones? Hurts that nearly fracture your body?

Yes, dear one. But the truth is that as painful as the facts are, your hurt is increased 100 fold by the story you’re telling yourself about it. And the meaning you’re giving that story.

From one heart-weary woman to another, here’s the scoop on the most important story of your life..and the secret to changing it.

Because rejection hasn’t ended the good of your story. Not by a long shot.

The Wife with Boundaries: Changing the Conversation on Biblical Submission [Episode 184]

August 16, 2022

Is there poison in your home?

No, I don’t mean rat poison or toxic chemicals or asbestos. It’s words. On pages. In a book. One that’s given as a wedding gift. When times are tough. When you’re desperate. When you’ve run out of ideas and options to help your marriage and somebody gives you 336 pages of “hope.”

The poison is the answer ringing from every page of this book. You were, as Debi Pearl puts it, “Created to Be His Help Meet.” And lots of women have gulped it down, me included.

Sounds nice, doesn’t it? Sweet. Simple. Godly.

Because double standards and coercive control and whitewashed tombs are biblical, right?

In this interview with Chelsea Wells, she and I discuss the poisonous messages of Debi Pearl’s book before we toss them in the shredder.

We Need a Sexual Reformation in the Church: Interview with Author Aimee Byrd [Episode 179]

July 12, 2022

“Don’t try and church it up.”

Ever heard that piece of advice? It hits the crux of this episode right in the nethers: biblical manhood and biblical womanhood.

Author Aimee Bird offered a more refined and relevant version: “Just because you put the word ‘biblical’ in front of it doesn’t make it so. It’s not an adjective.”

If you’re listening to this podcast, I’d bet my milk money you’ve heard the terms “biblical manhood” and “biblical womanhood” 43,854 times or more, maybe in the past month alone.

They’re not standalones. They inform every aspect of your life as a Christian woman. Or so you’ve been taught. Maybe they’re just churched-up versions of junk — the overcooked vegetables on your theological dinner plate. The stain on your white blouse. The turd in your lemonade.

Maybe. You’ll have to listen to find out.

Does the Bible Say I Can’t Take my Abuser to Court in Order to Divorce Him in 1 Corinthians 6:1-10? [Episode 178]

July 5, 2022

Did you know some people used to use the Bible to support slavery? They would tell slaves that it was God’s will.

Want to guess who those people were?

Huge surprise: slave owners.

It can be terrifying to have someone throw the book—the literal Bible—at you. But you know the saying “Where there’s smoke, there’s fire?” Well, in this case, “Where there’s confusion, there’s crap.” The kind of crap people throw out when they’re desperate to keep you under their thumb.

Instead of cowering in the face of their accusations and “biblical” nonsense, you can do a little math.

How You and Your Faith Community Got Hoodwinked by an Abuser [Episode 177]

June 28, 2022

Do you wonder how he did it?

How your abuser tricked you and blindfolded your church? How he just keeps coming out on top, despite all the evidence pointing to what a sick, twisted, evil person he is?

Abuse doesn’t happen in a vacuum. It always involves the community. In this case: the church.

Wade Mullen staked his Ph.D. on the study of the hidden tactics of abuse, especially spiritual abuse within religious communities.

What he found were patterns of behavior. The slow and steady set-up for abuse to become a system, a system to become a theology, and a theology to become god.

Imagine with me: A relationship within a community where all the red flags (manipulation, lying, criticism) are called green flags and all the green flags (truth-telling, boundaries, self-respect) are called red flags.

It’s the heist of the century. And it’s working all too well.

Category: Healing from Spiritual Abuse