We want to believe we live in an advanced civilization—one that has risen above the base prejudice of our unenlightened ancestors. Human beings have a bent to marginalize other people. We want to be the best Sneetches on the beaches, after all.
Is the last thing you googled, “Am I crazy?” or “Why does my husband hate me?” or the literal title of this episode?
Bleh. Living in such horrible, constant confusion can make us obsessive. Not crazy obsessive. The “desperate for answers” kind. The “I’m living in purgatory and I hate it!” kind. The “Is it me even though I’m trying so hard?” kind.
If you’re looking for a fixed point of reference—a way to know what’s real and true, then you’ve stumbled across something better than 6.84 million Google results. Because I’m going to answer your question in incredible detail.
Hit it with a hammer.
Done.
If only it were that easy.
In reality, the cycle of emotional and spiritual abuse feels like a freight train rushing down the tracks of your everyday. An unstoppable force. And if you stand in its way, you’ll be run down. A sad little pancake beholden to the destructive patterns you’ve existed in since…who knows when.
My dear. You forgot about two things.
First: You can’t stop that train.
Second: You don’t need to stop that train to heal and be free and come into your power.
Remember the handle thingy on the side of the tracks, controlling the railroad switch?
Yup. Start there.
Is your husband great at playing dress up?
One moment, usually in public, he speaks sweetly, cuddles the baby, and prays over your family. The next moment, usually in the privacy of your home, he glares at you, yells in disgust, and gives you the silent treatment.
He’s the sun and a raging storm.
He’s heaven and hell.
He’s…? How do you figure out reality? How do you come to terms with the oil and water of who he is?
And what do you do when nobody believes that he and others like him are actually wolves in sweet, little sheep’s clothing?
It took you years, decades maybe, to understand what you were going through.
It’s no wonder your kids don’t recognize emotional abuse for what it is.
Especially because they’re wired to trust their dad. They’re wired to need his love.
So they still call him good, loving even. They still think you and their dad should be together.
You know better.
And it’s agony.
What now?
If you’re like me, you were set up for your abusive marriage in the name of love.
You thought people were teaching you godly womanhood and wisdom.
You thought following the rules meant you’d experience bliss and peace in marriage.
You thought you were honoring God by letting people harm you.
But you were really just betraying yourself and holding the doors open for your own destruction.
So if you’re ready to change your role, this is for you.
If you’re ready to experience real, lasting change, this is for you.
If you played the part and followed the rules and were the poster child for humility, long-suffering, and submission, but everything came crashing down anyway, THIS IS FOR YOU.
Get the first chapter of my book, Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage, recommended by therapists. That chapter will help you figure out what’s going on in your marriage.
