Helping women of faith find hope and healing after emotional and spiritual abuse

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Episode 74: Survivor Story – Kathryn

by | Jul 8, 2020 | Divorce, Flying Free Podcast, Healing from Spiritual Abuse, Survivor Stories | 3 comments

Kathryn loved God and tried everything she could to be a good Christian wife. But no matter what she did, her husband made sure she believed she was the poison in the relationship. Here is an excerpt:

“For me, I was constantly begging, “Give me the grace. Make me better. Help me to be pleasing to my husband. Help me to be a light to my family, to be something that brings life.” 

You kind of feel like…The way he made me feel was that I was the poison in our family and that I was poisoning everything instead of breathing life into it.

It’s hard because you are begging and crying out for years and years, and there is just nothing. I thought, “Well, maybe God has turned His face from me.” I even went as far as to think, “Well, maybe I’m not a Christian. Maybe God didn’t love me all these years.”

Find out how she got free from what was poisoning HER! 

Click To Play:

Click Here To Read The Transcript For Episode 74!

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3 Comments

  1. Uncaged Woman

    When I was married to my abuser, I coped by becoming a secret smoker. Yep, bible study woman, regular church member, mother, yet there I was, finding alone time to smoke cigarettes. It was the only coping mechanism that worked well for me. I quit a couple of years after divorcing him.

    Reply
  2. IrisJane

    There were so many things I could relate to in Kathryn’s story and your comments Natalie, from the constant emotional abuse, to the coping mechanisms, to suicidal thoughts and to thinking God doesn’t love me and is completely disgusted with me and against me, that maybe I never really was a Christian and was just a wanna-be, and not at all who I thought I was in Christ. I’ve been feeling that God has forsaken me and wants nothing more to do with me as almost everything that was a blessing to me, or a love of my heart, has been taken from me. So many things have happened beyond the abuse that it’s difficult for me to think otherwise. I’ve been abused my whole life, from my family of origin to the so called Christian family I married into, and I believe in trying to cope I’ve behaved in ways that weren’t pleasing to God, I know they weren’t. I’ve lost everything that was dear to me. I feel constantly beaten up, and if I start to somehow move forward in a way that I believe is pleasing to God, some sort of tragedy happens, my house burning down, finding a young and beloved family member dead, another having a terrible accident and dying, being in a horrible car crash – not my fault, having a major surgery, having to move where I can’t have my dear animals, being physically ill with scoliosis my whole life, and on and on…this all on top of being surrounded by abusive and addictive personalities. I truly feel cursed.
    Since becoming a Christian in my early twenties I’ve wanted to grow and learn and be better and pleasing to God, and be a blessing to those around me, something I now know I wasn’t really doing when I thought I was due to being judgmental and ignorant, but still, my heart wanted to do right by God, and all I perceived as blessings from Him, but I could never make any headway, when I’d start to move forward, something awful would happen and I’d sink back into the pit, so I finally concluded that He’s rejected me and that I was never really part of his family…but reading that both of you have felt somewhat the same way has given me a sliver of hope, though I don’t know what that means for me, but it was validating to read, especially since right before I had just read:

    19 Joshua said to the people, “You are not able to serve the Lord. He is a holy God; he is a jealous God. He will not forgive your rebellion and your sins.

    This is how I have felt, and reading it was a confirmation that God had rejected me, that I wasn’t up to par and had failed miserably in my walk with Him, which I truly believe I have.
    I’m not sure what to do from here on out, but I appreciate so much just hearing what you both have experienced and hope that God will somehow have mercy upon me, as well as others who might be experiencing the same struggles, as he has upon the both of you.
    Thank you for sharing Kathryn…and thank you Natalie, for all you do.

    Reply
  3. Susan Cooke

    I have moved cross country a few times and one of the things that has helped me immensely is that different people who do not know each other or even live in the same state are telling me the same things. I do not tell them something has been said to me until they say it – then I tell them so and so and said that too. It has happened so often that if I did not know better I would think they are talking to each other.

    I need this for confirmation and to know that I am not blowing things out of proportion. Proverbs 11:14 Where there is no guidance, a people falls, but in an abundance of counselors there is safety. Proverbs 15:22 Without counsel plans fail, but with many advisers they succeed.

    Reply

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