Helping women of faith find hope and healing after emotional and spiritual abuse

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Episode 69: The Catch-22 of Emotional Abuse

by | Jun 3, 2020 | Emotional Abuse, Listener Questions, The Flying Free Podcast | 3 comments

In today’s episode, Natalie, Rachel, and Becky tackle a common issue many survivors have when they begin to set boundaries. You’ll also learn why taking all the responsibility in a relationship is never a win-win for anyone and what you can do instead!

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Read the transcript here!

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3 Comments

  1. Jayme Tipple

    I have been in this type of situation/relationship. I will tell you when my mindset started changing and I started taking back myself. We were in counselling and my ex was going to be late. While we were waiting the counselor turned to me and said “You need to be willing to go on without him, if he doesn’t want something that is important to you then be prepared to leave him behind. If he wants to be with you he will be by your side”. That comment changed my whole outlook on my relationship. I learned that I was responsible for my life and should be able to live it without reprisal. My ex stopped attending counselling after that last visit. Our divorce was finalized 3 years later.

    I never truly recognized the emotional abuse for what it was until I was talking with one of my pastors about things that had happened over the years. She looked me in the eye and told me with love that everything I had told her was abuse, none of it was my fault, what he did and said was wrong on so many levels. The internal pain and shame I felt was justified but his words and actions should no longer be my burden and he has no power over me anymore.

    I think the counselor saw the abuse and put me on the road to setting myself free. My pastor helps me see the truth for what it is and walks with me, providing support, strength, and love. This is how it really should be.

    Reply
  2. Rachel

    It was good to hear I wasn’t the only one who experienced “bad” counseling. I was told by my (now ex) and our counselor that I was pulling away and wasn’t doing my part. My counselor wouldn’t acknowledge my ex’s spiritual and emotional abuse and chose to believe the lies my ex spewed, always spinning the view on circumstances so he ended being the victim, thus justifying his reactions.
    I also appreciate the hope that was shared about coming out of an abusive marriage through the means of divorce, and it helped me realize I was choosing my pain. I knew divorce would be painful, and it really is, but it was good to hear the pain subsides. I knew when I chose to divorce him that I didn’t want to live with any more of the pain he would give me through control and spiritual and emotional abuse and his unfaithfulness and lies.

    Reply
  3. Julie Hawkes

    That was brilliant and helped me get clarity on boundaries versus responsibilities, but also the need for consequences and how that relates to making decisions for ourselves.
    It helped me draft a letter to the elders of our church.

    Reply

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