Learning Archives

Am I Responsible for Fixing My Husband? [Episode 167]

April 19, 2022

If you break abuse down to the nitty-gritty, at its heart is something called “emotional childhood.” Abusers think everybody should make their life work. Everyone should cater to their whims. Everybody is responsible for their emotions. For fixing them, moment by moment. They shouldn’t have to do anything. Like a stunted emotional child.

If you’re a wife in this situation, you come to believe that you are supposed to fix your husband. You think you’re the only one who can (and that “fixing” him is even possible).

Any movement to protect yourself, to detach, to assign responsibility to him for HIS OWN LIFE and CHOICES, feels like betrayal and selfishness and just plain gross. Your husband and many religious people would agree.

Which leads us right back to: Am I responsible for fixing my husband? Is detaching from him to protect myself wrong?

I’ve been asked these questions hundreds—if not thousands—of times, so I’ve fleshed out an answer that addresses them AND all those icky rabbit trails in your mind.

And unlike what you’ve been told in church, online, or by your husband, this answer doesn’t require you to throw yourself in a pool to save a person who wants to drown…and drag you under too.

How Do I Know What Is Real or True When My Husband Gaslights Me? [Episode 165]

April 5, 2022

Is the last thing you googled, “Am I crazy?” or “Why does my husband hate me?” or the literal title of this episode?

Bleh. Living in such horrible, constant confusion can make us obsessive. Not crazy obsessive. The “desperate for answers” kind. The “I’m living in purgatory and I hate it!” kind. The “Is it me even though I’m trying so hard?” kind.

If you’re looking for a fixed point of reference—a way to know what’s real and true, then you’ve stumbled across something better than 6.84 million Google results. Because I’m going to answer your question in incredible detail.

Was it Really That Bad? And Maybe He’ll Change?

April 1, 2022

Emotional abuse kills you one nibble at a time. It’s not like physical abuse where a big shark comes up behind you and chomps off your leg. No, emotional abuse is more like a gnat bite. You can barely see the little bugger until you feel the bite. Just a tiny bite. No big deal.

What If I Had an Affair While I Was Married to My Abusive Husband [Episode 162]

March 15, 2022

Did you know that abuse has a bestie?

Its sneaky little friend is Shame. Shame is a talkative fellow but very dependable.

He hangs on your earlobes and yells:

“You’re not perfect, so you can’t point out your husband’s faults.”
“You yelled back, so you expect him to stop.”
“You pull away emotionally, so you can’t get angry when he stonewalls.”
“You hit him after he hit you, so you deserved it.”
“You found comfort in someone else’s arms, so you’re just as bad as him.”
“You have no right to expect better when you’re so screwed up.”

Shame keeps us bound and trapped, even long after a divorce.

So what should you do with these painful, tormenting thoughts?

An Emotional Recovery Tool That Changes Everything [Episode 160]

March 1, 2022

The only reason I’m where I am today — divorced from an abusive husband, healed, remarried to a good man, helping others, and thriving — is because of one simple tool.

I share it in Flying Free and Flying Higher, my online coaching, education, and support communities that are worth their weight in fat-melting chocolate (please science, make this real).

Today, I’m sharing the best thing I have.

You get a free, front-row seat to this show. Prepare yourself. Cause I absolutely stake my secret pie stash on the fact that if you use this tool, it will ROCK YOUR WORLD.

It’s Normal to Be Sad When Losing an Emotionally Abusive Relationship

February 11, 2022

Most Christian women who get divorced are not glad it’s over. Divorce isn’t what they wanted. They are devastated for so many reasons. Here’s why, and here’s how we can ultimately heal from the deep grief of divorce.

Category: Learning