Christians believe it is loving to encourage and support chronically hurtful, unrepentant spouses, and many tend to criticize and isolate the spouse who leaves the destructive relationship. But that isn’t love. That’s enabling and empowering destructive sin. From an eternal standpoint, it is reprehensible and has ramifications that reach well into future generations.
What is right is wrong, and what is wrong is right.
We erase mistakes. We delete irrelevant material. We edit out unimportant points.
But have you ever been erased by someone?
Can you have a healthy relationship where there is lying, covering up, pretending, overlooking, and ignoring? Does that foster intimacy? Of course not. Healthy relationships are grown in the soil of vulnerability and safety. When two people are open and honest, they can get close and experience authentic acceptance and love. Anything less is dysfunctional in some way.
Someone who is truly sorry will not make excuses, blame you or something else, rationalize their behavior, or justify what they did. If a person is doing any of those things, they are not sorry. Period.
I used to pray my kids would grow up to do great things for God. I grew up and didn’t do anything great for God, but maybe my role was to be the MOTHER of people who did great things for God. So I prayed for that. What my kids do for God isn’t what burns in my belly anymore.
Get the first chapter of my book, Is It Me? Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage, recommended by therapists. That chapter will help you figure out what’s going on in your marriage.
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