Learning Archives

Stop Waiting for Your Husband to Die So You Can Live [Episode 193]

October 18, 2022

If marriage is for life, then the only way out is death. Right?

I’ve been asked that question, or a variation of it, many times. I used to wonder that question myself.

Marriage IS for life, but not in the way you’ve been told. It’s for the sake of bringing life TO you. And when it’s destroying you instead, THERE IS A WAY OUT.

But the very Bible verses written to bring protection to abused women and rebuke to abusive men have been twisted and turned on their heads…until the words “for life” are a curse and death seems like the only escape (whether his or yours).

Allow me to right these warped words and help you fly free from your despair.

Why Self-Leadership is More Effective Than Being Held Accountable [Episode 191]

October 4, 2022

How do you feel about accountability? Like it, love it, want some more of it?

Or maybe it’s like medicine to you — icky but necessary.

Hold on to your booty, cause I’ve got an opinion on it too.

I think it’s a made-up practice that got a “virtue” sticker slapped on it. I think it arrests our development into emotional adulthood. In fact, I’d say accountability does more harm than good.

And it can never match the power of internal motivation for true, lasting life change.

I’m Afraid of My Christian Husband’s Criticism and Disapproval [Episode 189]

September 20, 2022

Imagine a mother who stares at her baby.. She won’t smile. Won’t look it in the eye. Doesn’t react when it holds its arms out to be held. Refuses to comfort it when it cries. The baby screams and sobs. The mother won’t move.

Now multiply that cruelty across each thousands of days. Switch the mother for a husband. Change the baby to a wife.

Other people may throw out the “But does he hit you?” strawman (only extremes, only obvious physical, qualifiable harm counts as abuse). But that baby knows better. You know better. Your desolate heart knows better.

The most devastating hurts don’t show on the outside.

When Your Ex-Husband Tries to Use Your Kids to Control You After the Divorce [Episode 188]

September 13, 2022

“I feel like a massive failure as a Christian and a mom. Like a puppet—and he’s pulling the strings.”

Too many women finally muster up the courage to leave their abusive husbands and face an even more painful betrayal: Their exes turn their own children against them. Lying, manipulating, bribing, even using threats in order to get the kids on their side.

It’s sickening. And it can feel like there’s no hope, no justice, and no way forward.

If this is you—wherever you are, whatever you’re doing, no matter how bad things are—I need you to stop and listen to me.

Because I’ve seen terrible cases of parental alienation turn around. I’ve lived it.

No matter what happens: Your future depends on cutting the strings of your puppeteer.

How to Know If Your Christian Dating Relationship is Toxic [Episode 185]

August 23, 2022

As terrible as being married to an abuser is, there’s something worse.

It’s getting free from your abuser, then getting remarried to another one.

For a lot of survivors, that’s their worst fear.

Can they trust themselves to identify red flags when they were taught to dismiss them for so long? Will they be able to see past the bullcrap if a potential suitor is slick and smooth but a turd of a guy underneath the facade? How can they be sure they’re choosing a safe, truly good person, not a Dr. Jekyll / Mr. Hyde?

I know that fear all too well. And I trust myself to choose good people now. (I did; I’m remarried to one.) I’ve also taught hundreds upon hundreds of women how to spot red flags in relationships.

By the time you listen to this episode, you’ll know whether your Christian dating relationship (or any dating relationship) is toxic.

Understanding Three Sources of Anger (and why the source matters) [Episode 180]

July 19, 2022

What do love, hate, and pain have in common?

Believe it or not: Being super ticked off. Anger.

I’m serious as a heart attack. Anger stems from either love, hate, or pain. Which means there are some pretty legitimate and useful reasons to be mad. As well as some that are just nasty or unhelpful.

So if you’ve been taught that anger is ungodly, wrong, or always a sign of bitterness, I suggest two things:

1. Pull out the example of Jesus crafting a homemade whip and going mad dog in the temple. He dealt out the beatdown of the season. Ask people what they think of that anger. Was he just trying to encourage all those sleazy hawkers while flipping their tables over, tossing their money around, and driving their animals away? Maybe he should’ve prayed instead of taking his zeal to the streets?
2. Listen to this episode. More motivation below.

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