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Category: Listener Questions

How Do I Know What Is Real or True When My Husband Gaslights Me?

How Do I Know What Is Real or True When My Husband Gaslights Me? [Episode 165]

Is the last thing you googled, “Am I crazy?” or “Why does my husband hate me?” or the literal title of this episode?

Bleh. Living in such horrible, constant confusion can make us obsessive. Not crazy obsessive. The “desperate for answers” kind. The “I’m living in purgatory and I hate it!” kind. The “Is it me even though I’m trying so hard?” kind.

If you’re looking for a fixed point of reference—a way to know what’s real and true, then you’ve stumbled across something better than 6.84 million Google results. Because I’m going to answer your question in incredible detail.

The One About God and Religion and Hell

The One About God and Religion and Hell [Episode 163]

This may be controversial for some of my audience. Twenty years ago, I may have unsubscribed, not understanding what this was actually about.

What IS this about? It’s about Who God is. It’s about representing Him well. That’s what Jesus did, and that is our calling, as Christians.

This is about the way we view God and how our view impacts the way we live our lives. We either honor the truth about God’s character or we tell a lie about God’s character.

This is about a lie I used to believe about God.

I don’t have the answers. That’s what makes me different from who I was twenty years ago. Back then, I knew everything. And I told everyone so they could also know everything. And I judged everyone who didn’t know everything. Like I did.

Twenty years later I definitely do NOT know everything. I believe a couple of simple, life-changing things about God, and I run everything through the grid of that simple faith.

And it brings love and peace and joy into my life, and that hopefully touches the lives of those around me.

What If I Had an Affair While I Was Married to My Abusive Husband?

What If I Had an Affair While I Was Married to My Abusive Husband [Episode 162]

Did you know that abuse has a bestie?

Its sneaky little friend is Shame. Shame is a talkative fellow but very dependable.

He hangs on your earlobes and yells:

“You’re not perfect, so you can’t point out your husband’s faults.”
“You yelled back, so you expect him to stop.”
“You pull away emotionally, so you can’t get angry when he stonewalls.”
“You hit him after he hit you, so you deserved it.”
“You found comfort in someone else’s arms, so you’re just as bad as him.”
“You have no right to expect better when you’re so screwed up.”

Shame keeps us bound and trapped, even long after a divorce.

So what should you do with these painful, tormenting thoughts?

How Will I Know When Enough Is Enough and I Can Walk Away?

How Will I Know When Enough Is Enough and I Can Walk Away? [Episode 158]

“He doesn’t even have to be kind. I just wish he wouldn’t make every waking moment a nightmare. What else can I do?” she said into the phone.

“I don’t know,” her sister said. “You’ve done counseling. And prayed. Asked pastors for help. Read books. Been quiet. Spoken up. Given more sex. You’ve borne the consequences of all his poor choices. You’ve pushed your health to the brink to serve him. For years.”

“But I haven’t fasted and prayed for a straight month,” she murmured.


“Yes,” she said.

It finally clicked. And in that moment, she knew.

“I have to separate.”

It was her “enough” moment. And she never looked back.

What Are the Biblical Grounds for Divorce? (And Other Questions!)

What Are the Biblical Grounds for Divorce? (And Other Questions!) [Episode 156]

Are you confused over whether you have legitimate grounds for divorce?

How should you respond to people who claim you’re cynical and oversensitive when you try to speak against emotional and spiritual abuse?

What’s the best way to handle family members, especially children, who think you’re the bad guy in your abusive marriage?

What if you’re separated but you just aren’t ready to divorce…and the clock keeps ticking?

Limbo is a fun party game…and a lousy place to live. So let me offer some advice that will break you out of the ruts these difficult questions might have you stuck in.

When Wolves Play Dress Up

When Wolves Play Dress Up [Episode 154]

Is your husband great at playing dress up?

One moment, usually in public, he speaks sweetly, cuddles the baby, and prays over your family. The next moment, usually in the privacy of your home, he glares at you, yells in disgust, and gives you the silent treatment.

He’s the sun and a raging storm.

He’s heaven and hell.

He’s…? How do you figure out reality? How do you come to terms with the oil and water of who he is?

And what do you do when nobody believes that he and others like him are actually wolves in sweet, little sheep’s clothing?