Category: Flying Free Podcast

Should Abused Christian Wives Stay and Suffer Like Job?

Should Abused Christian Wives Stay and Suffer Like Job? [Episode 174]

Imagine two terminally ill children. Both are given three months to live. For one, there’s nothing doctors can do—death is certain. The disease is incurable and untreatable.

For the second, there’s a life-saving treatment available. If it isn’t taken, the next three months will be a slow, excruciating crawl toward the end. If the treatment is started as soon as possible, the child will live and—what’s more—thrive.

Family, friends, and church leaders of the second child gather around and declare that the life-saving treatment shouldn’t be accepted. Since the first child’s death is certain, it would be best for the second child to accept death as well. The second child should die. In fact, not only is it right to condemn the second child to death, but their suffering and pain will bring glory to God.

One more thing. The second child is YOUR child.

Thoughts?

I have some. So listen in.

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What Does It Mean to Find Yourself After Getting Out of an Abusive Relationship?

What Does It Mean to Find Yourself After Getting Out of an Abusive Relationship? [Episode 173]

It’s a thief.

Abuse robs us of the truth about ourselves.
Abuse steals our sense of safety.
Abuse consumes our time and energy.

And when we’re overwhelmed by all that abuse has taken from us, we can’t focus on the future or growth or discovery—the things that feed our soul and nurture our lives.

So how do we find that little girl full of dreams again? How do we connect to the young woman who had stars in her eyes? Where’s the door to a sense of belonging and self and fulfillment? How do we build a future on a busted-up past?

I’ve led many women through these questions. And we have to start by getting very precise. Because we don’t find our lives…we create them.

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Protect Yourself From Financial Abuse with Attorney Lisa Zeiderman

Protect Yourself From Financial Abuse with Attorney Lisa Zeiderman [Episode 172]

The thought of contacting a lawyer made her sick. To live through her abusive marriage was hard enough. Would she have to bare all the details of her twisted reality to someone…and pay them for it? Where would she get the money for that, especially since her husband was hiding his paychecks?

Is your story anything like this?

I get the hesitation. The fear, the dread, and disgust. Bringing somebody else into your messy life is humiliating. But (and this is a really big but(t)), there are so many really important reasons to contact a lawyer when you’re in an abusive marriage. Because protecting yourself from financial abuse isn’t easy or simple, and it takes someone who knows what they’re doing.

Which leads us to questions. You have so many questions.

So I invited a lawyer who’s at the top of her game to answer the questions women just like you want (and need) answered.

Because this knowledge is worth its weight in gold. And your protection is worth even more than that.

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We Are Like the God We Worship

We Are Like the God We Worship [Episode 171]

I have a confession.

I’m a recovering asshole.

Years ago, I had a friend. Her husband cheated on her. Then, he did it again. He kept cheating on her. He wasn’t sorry.

Do you know what I told her to do?

Stay with him. Pray and stay. Worse, I was proud to tell her this advice. Because I was God’s girl scout, and I knew best.

Now, I can easily imagine the grief and further pain my words and assumptions added to her heartbreak. I thought everything was black and white. A + B = C, every time. Life was a math problem, and I had the answer.

Boy, did I eat crow (and that’s just one example).

But in many ways, I’m no different than everybody else. And there IS an equation that applies to us all:

Our thoughts make our feelings. Our feelings make our beliefs. And our beliefs make us.

We become what we believe. We are like the god we worship.

What’s your god like? And what do you do when someone else’s god says you’re bad?

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Does the Bible Say I Have to Give My Abusive Husband Sex on Demand?

Does the Bible Say I Have to Give My Abusive Husband Sex on Demand? [Episode 170]

You’re not a toaster.

No matter what you’ve been taught by religious leaders, you’re not a thing to be used.

No matter what you’ve been told by your husband, you’re not an appliance to be owned.

No matter what you’ve come to believe about yourself, you’re not property — at the mercy of a spouse who wants toast on demand.

If you’ve found yourself tormented over how you’re treated in your marriage, especially when it comes to sex, and you waver between disgust and despairing “submission,” I have a new bottom line for you.

It’s four little letters, and it never justifies your mistreatment.

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The ways emotional abusers don't take responsibility

Different Ways Emotional Abusers Don’t Take Responsibility for Their Behavior [Episode 169]

He wants to treat me better. He just doesn’t know how.

He says he’s sorry. He really hates how he acts.

He’s struggling. He can’t help it.

Do you have these thoughts about your husband?

Have these thoughts led to anything good? More peace? Change (on his part)? Hope that lasts? A better marriage? A never-ending bucket of fried chicken?

Didn’t think so.

I have some other thoughts to offer. You can take them or leave them. They might seem cynical and hopeless on the surface. But I believe they’re the means to all the things you’re hoping for…except one.

This episode comes with not one but two guarantees:

Adults have 100% control over their behavior. And you have a 0% chance of making someone grow or change when they don’t want to.

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