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Episode 78: Survivor Story – Julie

by | Aug 5, 2020 | Emotional Abuse, Grieving, Survivor Stories, The Flying Free Podcast | 6 comments

While Julie experienced more overt abuse during her formative years, she ended up married to a quiet, covert abuser with a hidden lifestyle.

The hidden abuse made far more lasting marks on my soul than the overt abuse I experienced as a child ever did.”

Find out what helped her decide to pay the price for freedom. 

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  1. Susan Cooke

    I too can relate to the quiet, covert abuse. My husband is the introvert’s introvert. He did yell at me a couple of times over the past two years, but like most other things, that was in private.

    He did lose control this year though. In front of guests he humiliated me and slammed things around in the freezer. One of our guests asked me if she they should leave. I did want her to leave and told her so. She ended up staying and we enjoyed the time we spent together.

    I also did not want her to leave because I knew I would be blamed for her leaving.

  2. Stephanie

    I identified with so much of this. Thank you for sharing, Julie. You and Natalie have helped so much.

  3. El

    Julie’s story resonates for me so much. My soon-to-be ex never shared the whole story or just did what he wanted and expected everyone to just accommodate him. I also felt like I was not a person. After the separation, I realized I was just a pawn for his public persona–the happy, Christian family. Once we got home, all affection ended. I was the roommate, mom to our boys, and housekeeper. My marriage was also cyclical. I would nag for a better marriage and he would try for a few months and then the downward slide to mediocre would begin. He grew up in an abusive home and has been in counseling; but in about 4 years of counseling, nothing has changed. I think it has just been for show.

    I also grew up in the “I Kissed Dating Goodbye” generation and was taught that divorce was not an option. It kept me in an abusive marriage; although, I did not realize that it was abusive until after the separation. He was also a great provider and never yelled at or hit me. In 2017, God allowed a series of events to happen that opened my eyes. I have been separated 2.5 years and the divorce should be final this year. I had also lost myself in my marriage and have spent the last 2.5 years getting to know me, again. Flying Free has been very helpful in my healing. Thank you!

    • Terri

      Wow, El, I really relate to what you said about your husband doing just what he wanted and expecting everyone (okay, really just me) to just accommodate him. It has been a painful, frustrating problem. It’s so selfish, as if he’s a human being and I’m not a human being. You expressed it really well.

      One of my big struggles right now is that there’s nothing I can POINT to if I decide to get out of this marriage. I’ve read umpteen books on abuse and divorce, and until “Is It Me” I haven’t found much that would help me explain why I so desperately want out and where my pain comes from.

      It’s hard when you can’t explain it to people so they’ll understand, and getting past my need to be understood is a step I’m hoping to get to at some point. Trying to.

      • Ellenee

        It takes time. You reach a point that you realize that you do not need to explain yourself. People don’t see what happens behind closed doors. They are never going to understand what happened to you, your truth. Writing helped me. I also found once I mentioned my separation to family members, that they had seen things for years and did not know how to tell me. I was treated like a pack mule and not allowed to have a voice. It was confirmation to me that I was not crazy.

    • Donna

      I have had so many abusers in my 64 yrs. I understand all the different kinds.After 40 years l just gave up and am quite about them.So please tell your stories lm proud you can.Much love


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