The Secret to Tolerating Disapproval
March 20, 2017
It’s inevitable. People will disapprove of us at times. What is the secret to tolerating this uncomfortable feeling in order to stay true to ourselves?
It’s inevitable. People will disapprove of us at times. What is the secret to tolerating this uncomfortable feeling in order to stay true to ourselves?
Let’s pretend for a minute that your relationship is like a game of tennis. Can you visualize you and your partner on the tennis court? The game has just begun, and the ball is going back and forth. Back and forth.
Getting out of an emotionally abusive relationship is like the seven steps a caterpillar takes before it becomes a butterfly. Let me show you how!
We erase mistakes. We delete irrelevant material. We edit out unimportant points.
But have you ever been erased by someone?
Can you have a healthy relationship where there is lying, covering up, pretending, overlooking, and ignoring? Does that foster intimacy? Of course not. Healthy relationships are grown in the soil of vulnerability and safety. When two people are open and honest, they can get close and experience authentic acceptance and love. Anything less is dysfunctional in some way.
Someone who is truly sorry will not make excuses, blame you or something else, rationalize their behavior, or justify what they did. If a person is doing any of those things, they are not sorry. Period.