We want to believe we live in an advanced civilization—one that has risen above the base prejudice of our unenlightened ancestors. Human beings have a bent to marginalize other people. We want to be the best Sneetches on the beaches, after all.
Is the last thing you googled, “Am I crazy?” or “Why does my husband hate me?” or the literal title of this episode?
Bleh. Living in such horrible, constant confusion can make us obsessive. Not crazy obsessive. The “desperate for answers” kind. The “I’m living in purgatory and I hate it!” kind. The “Is it me even though I’m trying so hard?” kind.
If you’re looking for a fixed point of reference—a way to know what’s real and true, then you’ve stumbled across something better than 6.84 million Google results. Because I’m going to answer your question in incredible detail.
Emotional abuse kills you one nibble at a time. It’s not like physical abuse where a big shark comes up behind you and chomps off your leg. No, emotional abuse is more like a gnat bite. You can barely see the little bugger until you feel the bite. Just a tiny bite. No big deal.
“How Not to Be a Meanie” doesn’t hit the same, does it?
“How Not to Act Out Patriarchal Theology, AKA ‘A Chocolate-Covered Turd’” is probably too long.
And Andrew Bauman wants to get the attention of men who have bought into domination and called it love, and control and called it protection. The men who feel entitled to women’s bodies and minds and service, all in the name of God. Asses.
How does he tackle the problem? One donkey-sized piece at a time.
This may be controversial for some of my audience. Twenty years ago, I may have unsubscribed, not understanding what this was actually about.
What IS this about? It’s about Who God is. It’s about representing Him well. That’s what Jesus did, and that is our calling, as Christians.
This is about the way we view God and how our view impacts the way we live our lives. We either honor the truth about God’s character or we tell a lie about God’s character.
This is about a lie I used to believe about God.
I don’t have the answers. That’s what makes me different from who I was twenty years ago. Back then, I knew everything. And I told everyone so they could also know everything. And I judged everyone who didn’t know everything. Like I did.
Twenty years later I definitely do NOT know everything. I believe a couple of simple, life-changing things about God, and I run everything through the grid of that simple faith.
And it brings love and peace and joy into my life, and that hopefully touches the lives of those around me.
Did you know that abuse has a bestie?
Its sneaky little friend is Shame. Shame is a talkative fellow but very dependable.
He hangs on your earlobes and yells:
“You’re not perfect, so you can’t point out your husband’s faults.”
“You yelled back, so you expect him to stop.”
“You pull away emotionally, so you can’t get angry when he stonewalls.”
“You hit him after he hit you, so you deserved it.”
“You found comfort in someone else’s arms, so you’re just as bad as him.”
“You have no right to expect better when you’re so screwed up.”
Shame keeps us bound and trapped, even long after a divorce.
So what should you do with these painful, tormenting thoughts?
