Emotional Abuse Archives

12 Life-Changing Beliefs That Will Unhook You From Abuse Part One [Episode 181]

July 26, 2022

“I would keep the peace or create peace at any cost. And a lot of the time, the cost was myself.”

Amie searched for love her entire life. But all she found were unsafe people. And all she learned was that love demanded everything and gave nothing but pain in return.

Despite this, Amie is a poster child for what’s possible after a life of abuse. She’s flourished in Flying Free and Flying Higher, moving from a caterpillar perspective to a butterfly perspective, from crawling to flying.

How? It all comes down to old thoughts versus new thoughts. Just like a caterpillar, Amie wove a cocoon of new thoughts to replace the ones that had led her into harm and kept her from living beyond her trauma.

What she learned is so powerful, so practical, and so encouraging, we talked for 2 hours. I broke our discussion into a 3-part podcast series, diving into exactly what Amie did and providing listeners the simple, downloadable resource she used to fly free.

Understanding Three Sources of Anger (and why the source matters) [Episode 180]

July 19, 2022

What do love, hate, and pain have in common?

Believe it or not: Being super ticked off. Anger.

I’m serious as a heart attack. Anger stems from either love, hate, or pain. Which means there are some pretty legitimate and useful reasons to be mad. As well as some that are just nasty or unhelpful.

So if you’ve been taught that anger is ungodly, wrong, or always a sign of bitterness, I suggest two things:

1. Pull out the example of Jesus crafting a homemade whip and going mad dog in the temple. He dealt out the beatdown of the season. Ask people what they think of that anger. Was he just trying to encourage all those sleazy hawkers while flipping their tables over, tossing their money around, and driving their animals away? Maybe he should’ve prayed instead of taking his zeal to the streets?
2. Listen to this episode. More motivation below.

We Need a Sexual Reformation in the Church: Interview with Author Aimee Byrd [Episode 179]

July 12, 2022

“Don’t try and church it up.”

Ever heard that piece of advice? It hits the crux of this episode right in the nethers: biblical manhood and biblical womanhood.

Author Aimee Bird offered a more refined and relevant version: “Just because you put the word ‘biblical’ in front of it doesn’t make it so. It’s not an adjective.”

If you’re listening to this podcast, I’d bet my milk money you’ve heard the terms “biblical manhood” and “biblical womanhood” 43,854 times or more, maybe in the past month alone.

They’re not standalones. They inform every aspect of your life as a Christian woman. Or so you’ve been taught. Maybe they’re just churched-up versions of junk — the overcooked vegetables on your theological dinner plate. The stain on your white blouse. The turd in your lemonade.

Maybe. You’ll have to listen to find out.

Does the Bible Say I Can’t Take my Abuser to Court in Order to Divorce Him in 1 Corinthians 6:1-10? [Episode 178]

July 5, 2022

Did you know some people used to use the Bible to support slavery? They would tell slaves that it was God’s will.

Want to guess who those people were?

Huge surprise: slave owners.

It can be terrifying to have someone throw the book—the literal Bible—at you. But you know the saying “Where there’s smoke, there’s fire?” Well, in this case, “Where there’s confusion, there’s crap.” The kind of crap people throw out when they’re desperate to keep you under their thumb.

Instead of cowering in the face of their accusations and “biblical” nonsense, you can do a little math.

How You and Your Faith Community Got Hoodwinked by an Abuser [Episode 177]

June 28, 2022

Do you wonder how he did it?

How your abuser tricked you and blindfolded your church? How he just keeps coming out on top, despite all the evidence pointing to what a sick, twisted, evil person he is?

Abuse doesn’t happen in a vacuum. It always involves the community. In this case: the church.

Wade Mullen staked his Ph.D. on the study of the hidden tactics of abuse, especially spiritual abuse within religious communities.

What he found were patterns of behavior. The slow and steady set-up for abuse to become a system, a system to become a theology, and a theology to become god.

Imagine with me: A relationship within a community where all the red flags (manipulation, lying, criticism) are called green flags and all the green flags (truth-telling, boundaries, self-respect) are called red flags.

It’s the heist of the century. And it’s working all too well.

Using Art to Heal from Narcissistic Abuse: Interview with Art Therapist Jennifer Kramer [Episode 176]

June 21, 2022

“This was the big whammy… My whole life had been centered around pleasing the abusive person…trying to meet their ever-changing expectations…I really didn’t know who I was anymore.”

Art therapist Jennifer Kramer practices what she paints. She’s a survivor of narcissistic abuse and now teaches an art therapy process she developed during her recovery.

She discovered that the most powerful part of art-making isn’t what we create — the final drawing or painting. It’s not about making something that looks pretty or gets displayed in an art gallery. It’s about the way art reconnects our minds and bodies and how it rebuilds an abuse survivor’s sense of identity.

Category: Emotional Abuse